Reversal
by Kouri Arashi
Summary: Takes place at the end of Tokyo Babylon. Subaru decides to grow a spine and that the bet with Seishirou isn't over yet.
1. Chapter One

By Kouri Arashi

"Anyone perfect must be lying,  
anything easy has its cost,  
anyone plain can be lovely,  
anyone loved can be lost..."  
-BNL

_Author's notes: I always have to have these. . . why am I writing this? Not sure. I thought of it in the middle of last night at about three a.m. and was terrified that I'd forget it, but when I woke up I still remembered it. I guess part of me was wondering when and why Subaru started smoking. Not that that's what I was thinking at the time. I don't know . . . I was thinking about Subaru and Seishirou and the terms of the bet and everything else. Give me a break, it's Finals week and if I wasn't writing this I'd be studying Sociology . . . which I really should be doing, but who cares! Besides, I don't know where CLAMP is going with this but in all likelihood it's going to make me cry my eyes out, so I figured I would write my own version . . . or something. _

Disclaimers: Subaru belongs to me . . . oh, no, wait, I got delusional there for a second. None of these characters, settings, magical powers, et cetera, belong to me. If you sue me, I will laugh at you, because I'll have to sell all the things I bought from you in order to pay you. Spoilers? Hell yes. For all of Tokyo Babylon and, bizarrely enough, X/1999 around manga 14/15. The whole Kakyou thing. 

This takes place at the almost-very-end of Tokyo Babylon. Before Annex/Start, because he's too old in that . . . I'm not sure exactly when that's supposed to take place, but since I'm going to totally derail the timeline anyway, I don't care. Actually, in Volume 11, End, because Hokuto is still - ah, but that's a spoiler. Complete aside - doesn't TB have a great ending? Annex/Start I mean. "People do evil because they're lonely . . ." Oh God, I cried my eyes out. Not the point. Never mind. 

Yeah. I should be studying. Enjoy.

Part One 

It just figured that after a year's worth of time and effort, the whole entire thing would come to a crashing, unspectacular, disappointing halt. A year spent caring, helping, being friendly, being . . . well, lovable . . . and this had to happen. Seishirou looked into Subaru's glass green eyes from across town in utter disgust. _Why does it not surprise me that he would just fold after what I did? I should have just killed him and gotten it over with._ And in truth, he wasn't actually sure why he hadn't. It bothered him to not be sure why he had done something. 

Immensely. 

He pulled out a cigarette and lit up, still staring across town with his second sight, attached to Subaru in a way the younger boy had never - and probably would never - understood. And there was Subaru, staring blankly at the walls of his apartment while his sister cried over him, guilty over every time she'd egged the two of them on, guilty over everything. 

Seishirou smiled. 

An amusing game, while it had lasted. He had played the role even better than he'd expected - or maybe the twins were just far more gullible than he'd honestly believed possible in a human being. So trusting, so innocent, so naïve . . . 

So lovable, and yet, for him . . . completely unlovable. He didn't love Subaru. Couldn't love Subaru. 

His smile widened. 

The bet was over, and he'd won. 

For some reason, he wished he could feel triumphant. And he did feel triumphant, it was just something tickling at the back of his mind that was giving him discomfort. 

_Why didn't I just kill him there, in the hospital? _

Oh, it was true that he could beg off and say that the grandmother had interfered, the illusion had been shattering, the hospital staff had been coming . . . but that wasn't exactly true. He could have held the illusion against all of that if he'd really wanted to. But he hadn't bothered to try. And as he vanished away, unseen, he'd heard something that had disturbed him then and still disturbed him now. 

"Seishirou-san . . . I really was in love with you . . ." 

Except what disturbed him, that almost-could-have-been-last breath from Subaru, was that he hadn't heard clearly. Had Subaru said "was" or "am"? 

What disturbed him more was that there was absolutely no reason why this should disturb him. 

He knew he didn't love Subaru. He knew that he had done his best to make Subaru love him. Somehow, however, the realization that it had worked had come as a surprise to him. 

_Maybe,_ a little voice in his head whispered, _because you see nothing worth loving here._

He squashed the voice impatiently. Of course there was nothing worth loving inside him. There wasn't supposed to be. He was Sakurazukamori, cold-blooded assassin, and always, always, destined to be alone. 

_Destined to be . . .what does that have to do with anything? _

Seishirou lit another cigarette, still looking into Subaru's eyes, unable to figure out why they intrigued him so. Normally Subaru's eyes were completely blank, open, easy to read by anyone who cared to look. Now they were veiled, and try as he might, Seishirou could not fathom what the Sumeragi was thinking. 

He dropped the second sight and decided to make tea to calm his nerves. 

Not that his nerves needed calming. 

After all, why would they? 

The game was over, and his, and he would kill Subaru and that would be it. Where was the problem? 

His head snapped up, and he nearly dropped the cigarette. 

She was coming. 

****

One month. 

Subaru had memorized every speck of the wallpaper, every leaf that blew on the tree outside his window, every tile of his ceiling. His grandmother moved him periodically; to what purpose, he was unsure. 

_Subaru. _

It didn't matter, though. It was quiet here, safe within the depths of his own heart. Not a nice place, those ruins, but safe. He wouldn't come out. Not for anything. 

_Subaru! _

Hokuto-chan? 

_Subaru! _

"HOKUTO-CHAN!" Subaru threw aside the bedclothes and leapt for - he wasn't sure what - not even seeing the room around him, seeing blood and pain and those soft petals swirling everywhere. 

His grandmother grabbed him around the waist. 

"HOKUTO-CHAN!" 

He slumped to the ground in her arms, staring at the ceiling but seeing something else, seeing it all too clear, a flurry of pink and a cold smile. A hunter's smile. 

"Hokuto-chan . . ." 

Barely a whisper. 

_For me . . . _

Grief overwhelmed him and then passed in an instant, replaced with a deep, burning anger. 

_I will kill him._

A doubtful voice spoke up in the back of his own head. _Even though you love him?_

"I love a man who does not exist," Subaru murmured to himself, and got to his feet. He was talking to his grandmother, something about school, faraway and unimportant. Hokuto was all that mattered, and Hokuto was dead. And Seishirou-san, who also mattered, and was equally dead, at least in Subaru's eyes. 

_Hokuto-chan . . . I already miss you._

The anger faded back into the grief, into a deep, empty sorrow. 

Subaru left the apartment. 

****

Stupid. 

Seishirou shook his head. He honestly couldn't believe that his Subaru-kun could be that stupid. 

So he left his apartment and took a cab to Ueno Park, threading his way through the trees until he found one particular Tree, which Subaru was leaning against. "Subaru-kun, this probably isn't the best place for you to be." 

Subaru jumped at his voice. "I know," he whispered, voice harsh. "I came looking for you." 

"I didn't give you my forwarding address when I moved, did I." Seishirou smiled, the same cold smile. "I'm sorry, I was afraid that your grandmother was going to try to have me arrested." 

"I wouldn't have let her." Subaru looked at the sky. "And she's not that stupid. To have you arrested would accomplish nothing." 

Seishirou nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement of Subaru's intelligence. "So why are you here? Don't you think I might harm you?" 

"If you do, that's your right," Subaru said, and his lips twitched in a crooked, bitter smile. "After all, as an object I most thoroughly belong to you." 

Seishirou blinked, taken aback by that statement. He looked curiously at the Sumeragi. He was acting nothing like the sweet, bashful teenager that Seishirou remembered. It had only been two months since they'd last met . . . 

Seishirou chuckled dryly. "You've changed, Subaru-kun." 

"Not by my own choice," Subaru replied. 

"You are no longer sweet and innocent." Seishirou sighed, putting on a despairing face. "Whatever shall I do without my delightful little Subaru-kun?" 

Subaru twitched, looking like he wanted to say something akin to 'burn in Hell.' But nothing came out of his mouth. 

"You've cut your hair." 

Subaru inclined his head slightly to confirm the statement. 

"Why?" 

"It didn't suit me anymore." 

_Tired of seeing your sister's face in the mirror, Subaru-kun?_ Seishirou thought, smiling again. "It looks good on you." 

Subaru glanced up at him and said nothing. 

Seishirou was getting sick of it. There had to be a reason Subaru had come here, and unless it was just to torture himself by making himself have a pleasant conversation with his nemesis, Seishirou didn't see his purpose. "So why have I been graced with the honor of this visit, Subaru-kun?" 

Subaru shrugged. 

Seishirou resisted the urge to leave. He certainly couldn't leave Subaru standing there at the foot of the Tree; if he'd been stupid enough to come at all, he might be stupid enough to try something else. But this game was boring him. 

"I had a question." 

Finally, something useful from the Sumeragi. Seishirou looked at him, smiling warmly now. "A question, Subaru-kun?" 

Subaru nodded. "Why did you make that bet with me?" 

Seishirou blinked, this not having been what he was expecting. Then the smile was back. "To amuse myself." 

"You could have just killed me then." 

"Yes." 

"You made a bet with me over whether or not I could make you feel something." 

Seishirou was starting to get a little uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, but he was damned if he was going to let Subaru know that. He pushed his sunglasses up on his nose and nodded. "Yes." 

"Why?" 

"I told you. To amuse myself." 

"You could have made a bet over something else." 

"It popped into my head at the time." Seishirou shrugged. "You were a very cute child, after all." 

Subaru looked up at him, and his green eyes bored past the shades and into Seishirou's eyes. "If you made a bet about whether or not I could make you feel," he said, voice strained, "it means you want to be able to feel." 

Seishirou blinked again, but quickly collected himself. "Not necessarily. It means I was curious over whether or not I could. Mild curiosity hardly equals the same thing as desire." 

Subaru walked very close to him, and Seishirou tensed, though he still gave the appearance of looking relaxed. "Then why didn't you kill me in the hospital that day?" 

Damn it, he had to ask the one question Seishirou still didn't know the answer to. 

"The bet was over." Subaru pressed onward, voice getting more bitter as he continued speaking, sounding altogether odd compared to what Seishirou remembered. "Quite obviously, I lost. I wasn't in a position to fight back. Why didn't you kill me? Why did you kill Hokuto instead?" 

His voice ached when he spoke her name, but remained steady. 

Seishirou smiled. So that was it. "Hokuto asked me to kill her." 

"Liar," Subaru breathed. 

"No." Seishirou took off the sunglasses and smiled cheerfully at him. "She was babbling something about a spell only she could perform. And she seemed to mistakenly think that her death could be used as a tradeoff for yours." 

"Mistakenly?" Subaru asked in a low voice. 

"Yes, Subaru-kun." Seishirou's smile was as cold as ice. "You are still my prey. Never forget that." 

Subaru took a step back. "As if I ever could." He looked up at Seishirou, and his green eyes were no longer blank, but they shimmered with an emotion that Seishirou couldn't identify. "Seishirou-san." He still used the honorific, something which amused Seishirou terribly. "Give me back my sister." 

Seishirou blinked, taken off guard for at least the third time in the admittedly bizarre conversation. "Give her back? Subaru-kun, surely you don't realize what you're asking. I can't - " 

"Yes I do and yes you can!" The words ripped from Subaru's mouth and he grabbed Seishirou's hand, placing it on his chest. "Give me my sister back!" 

Oh. 

Seishirou looked down at his hand, wrist held firmly between Subaru's delicate fingers, and began fingering one of Subaru's shirt buttons. Then, realizing what he was doing, he stopped himself abruptly. The boy was indeed beautiful, and Seishirou had more than once caught himself having off-color thoughts, but he'd always put a quick halt to them. No reason to taint Subaru's innocence for his own, merely physical, desire. Subaru, for his part, seemed completely oblivious to what Seishirou's fiddling might imply. 

Seishirou shrugged. "If that's what you want." 

"It is." Subaru's eyes ached. 

Seishirou nodded once; he was sick of this game anyway. Energy began to crackle at his fingertips. Subaru's eyes never left his. Seishirou stared into them, still taken off guard by the sorrow and the pain . . . not that he felt any regret . . . and the love. 

_Subaru-kun, do you still love me? _

He shook himself slightly. Where had that thought come from? Subaru was too much of a distraction. Best to kill him now and get it over with. 

He stopped. 

He didn't know why he stopped, but he stopped. 

His first thought was that it was simply inelegant, to kill someone because they had asked him to do so. However, what could be more elegant than killing Subaru in the exact same place and way he'd killed his sister? 

_it means you want to be able to feel_

His Subaru-kun always had been perceptive. 

Was it possible, just maybe, that when he'd made the bet, he'd been hoping to lose? Maybe, just one tiny little part of him hoped that Subaru would be able to make him feel? And he'd made the bet with such a beautiful, intelligent, pure boy, because he was the only one who'd had a chance? 

He had said the bet was for his own amusement, but where was the amusement in a bet that he knew he would win? If he was guaranteed to win, there was no excitement, no amusement, no point. So why had he made a bet instead of just killing the boy where he stood, like he should have? 

He didn't remember, it had been ten long years ago, he'd only just started being the Sakurazukamori anyway. 

All this had nothing to do with anything. He did not love Subaru, he had won the bet, so what did it matter why he'd made the bet in the first place? 

But now that he was thinking, he just couldn't stop, and it occurred to him to wonder exactly how he'd phrased it anyway. "If I experience true feelings for you . . ." 

All right, he hadn't exactly said "If I love you" but what qualified as a true feeling? 

If a true feeling was waking up and knowing you were going to see someone and that pleasing you, he'd lost. For a year, Subaru had been there. And Seishirou did not love him. But he was loathe to lose his company, still . . . 

And that was why he hadn't killed him in the hospital. 

Well, it was nice to have that cleared up, even if he wasn't altogether pleased with the conclusion. 

"No." He removed his hand. "I can't." He amended that quickly, so smoothly that Subaru didn't notice. "I won't." 

Subaru stared up at him for a long second, eyes unreadable. Then he breathed out a word Seishirou had never heard from his innocent lips. "Bastard . . ." 

And sank to his knees among the petals. 

Seishirou stood there, at a complete loss for the first time in his life. He didn't dare just walk away and leave Subaru with the Tree, but the silence between them was growing more uncomfortable with every second. And for some reason, he simply could not force himself to not let it bother him. 

"Subaru-kun," he said smoothly, "you're wallowing. Get up." 

Subaru said nothing, did nothing, heard nothing. 

_Oh, not this again . . . _

Seishirou knelt next to him to confirm his suspicions; the Sumeragi's eyes were wide open and blank. 

_Wallowing is right. _

Might as well just leave him there. He wouldn't damage the Tree any in his current state of mind. 

Satisfied, or at least trying to convince himself that he was satisfied, Seishirou got up to walk away. 

And stopped again. 

He really needed to sit down and do some thinking so he could put a stop to all these unwanted impulses. It had disappointed him when Subaru had done this the first time and it disappointed him now. No more than that. It wasn't as if he cared . . . 

But Subaru could do better than this. 

He scooped the unresisting boy up in his arms and took him back to his new apartment. He placed Subaru carefully on the couch and made some tea. "Subaru-kun. You awake in there?" 

"Yes." 

Seishirou nearly fell off his chair; that was the last thing he was expecting. "You faked it," he said, unable to hide the surprise in his voice. 

"Yes." 

Seishirou regained his equilibrium quickly and smiled. "How flattering, that you wanted to see the inside of my apartment that badly." 

"I have nowhere else to go." Subaru's voice was flat, even, empty. 

"Would you like some tea, Subaru-kun?" 

"Tea would be nice." Subaru accepted the mug from his outstretched hand and took a sip. 

Seishirou lit up a cigarette and tried to contemplate this little twist in the workings of Subaru's mind. 

"Why do you do that?" Subaru's voice interrupted his reverie. 

"Smoke?" 

Subaru nodded. 

"It calms my nerves," Seishirou said without thinking, then cursed himself vehemently for saying it. 

Subaru's lips twitched at the Sakurazukamori's obvious discomfiture at having been caught off guard. Then he reached out and plucked the cigarette from Seishirou's fingers, lifted it to his lips, and took a drag on it. He nearly dropped it as he started coughing. When he'd finally regained his breath, he looked at Seishirou and said, "I can see why." 

Seishirou kept staring at him, completely unable, for some reason, to come to terms with this new Subaru. Sarcasm certainly wasn't what he'd expected. 

Subaru took another, more careful, drag on the cigarette. He got used to it quickly and breathed deeply, closing his eyes. Seishirou simply stared at him, nearly hypnotized by that beautiful face wreathed in smoke, looking altogether ethereal. 

_What are you thinking? _

Seishirou shook himself. 

"You're right," Subaru said. "It does calm my nerves." 

"They'll kill you someday," Seishirou said with a cool smile. 

"Really?" Subaru looked at him. "I was under the impression that my death was going to come at someone else's hands." 

And the Sumeragi was smiling. 

Smiling, as he sat there and talked about Seishirou killing him. 

If Seishirou had been a little less schooled in controlling, suppressing, and otherwise demolishing his emotions, he was sure he would've been running around his apartment yelling "I DON'T GET IT!" 

As it was, he cleared his throat and lit himself another cigarette, since Subaru had stolen his first one and his nerves were in definite need of some calming. 

"Or perhaps you've lost your nerve?" Subaru looked at him with the same smile, curiosity in his eyes. 

Oh, that was it. That was an insult, and Seishirou wasn't going to stand for it - 

Subaru was laughing. 

Not much, certainly, just a little twinkling in his eyes and a tiny shake of his shoulders. "And you say I'm easy to fluster," he said. 

"Apparently times have changed." Seishirou quickly regained his cool. 

"At your instigation." Subaru put out the cigarette and picked up his mug of tea. "Those things do leave a nasty aftertaste, though. I suppose I'll get used to it . . ." 

"Subaru-kun, what are you doing?" The question dropped out of Seishirou's mouth before he could stop it. 

Subaru raised an eyebrow. "I should think it was perfectly obvious." 

Perfectly obvious? Seishirou was perfectly confused. 

"The only two people who have ever meant anything to me," Subaru continued, "were Hokuto-chan and Seishirou-san." He smiled up at the Sakurazukamori. "As you have denied me my sister's company . . . I'll just have to stay with you." 

Seishirou could not even reply. 

****

_Feedback is greatly appreciated ^__^_


	2. Chapter Two

_Sorry, I forgot to mention this is a multi-parter. There are probably going to be between 10 and 15 parts in the end._

Reversal  
Part Two

"I want to know the real Seishirou-san." 

Subaru was still smiling angelically. 

Seishirou was still confused. Know the real Seishirou? It was impossible, it was worse than that, it was laughable! 

Subaru wasn't laughing. 

Neither was Seishirou. 

"Subaru-kun." Seishirou finally found his voice amidst his bewilderment. "You can't stay here." 

"Oh?" Subaru reached for the pack of cigarettes. "May I?" 

"Go ahead." Seishirou watched Subaru's delicate fingers extract a cigarette and reach for the lighter. He was inexperienced with it, fumbling hands showing none of his usual grace, but he managed to get the cigarette lit. "Subaru-kun, have you lost your mind?" 

"Yes." Subaru's voice was even, and he smiled cheerfully, looking for all the world like a Hokuto with short hair. "You've driven me insane, Seishirou-san." 

"What are you trying to accomplish?" 

"I don't want to be lonely." Subaru poured himself more tea and kept smiling. "And I don't want you to be lonely." 

_Always, always destined to be alone._

"Such a thing is impossible, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, voice soft. "Perhaps for both of us, but definitely for me." 

"How do you know until you try?" Subaru asked, reasonably enough. 

"I tried." Seishirou smiled. "What do you think this last year was?" 

Subaru blinked at him. "Don't tell me that was trying. You put absolutely no effort in whatsoever." 

Seishirou glared, slightly offended by this. "I assure you I put equal care into - why am I arguing with you over this?" 

Subaru smiled. "You were not trying. You were trying to win a bet, and that means you can't possible have opened your heart entirely, because the very fact that the bet existed kept you from looking at me as a normal person. No matter what you believe about humankind." 

Seishirou still glared. The damnable thing about it was that there was a possibility Subaru was right. 

"Therefore, the bet wasn't fair because the terms were flawed and I'm calling it null and void right now." Subaru smiled brilliantly. 

"What's it matter?" Seishirou asked, keeping his voice perfectly calm. "It's over." 

"Over?" Subaru laughed. "It's far from over, Seishirou-san. If it was over, I'd either be dead, or you would have let me go. Seeing as I'm not dead, but you obviously still have some sort of hold over me, I say that the bet was, until now, still going. So now I'm rewriting it." 

Seishirou stared at him in utter fascination. "Oh, are you now?" He ignored the little voice in his head that was shouting, _Run, Seishirou! Run! _This was far too intriguing to give up on now. He was intensely curious to know what Subaru's game was. 

"Seishirou-san?" 

"Nani?" 

"How many hours are there in a day?" 

Seishirou blinked at this complete non sequitir. "Twenty-four." 

"And how many hours do you estimate you spent with me every day?" 

Seishirou kept blinking. "An average of six, I suppose, seeing as some days I spent the whole day with you and others only lunch." _Why am I even discussing this with him? _He was beginning to get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach from where he suspected Subaru was heading with this. 

"That's what I guessed, too. That means that a year has eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty hours in it, while you have spent a mere two thousand, one hundred and ninety with me." Subaru grinned. "The year is far from over, Seishirou-san. I still have six thousand, five hundred and seventy hours to go." 

Seishirou stared at him. "That," he finally said, "is ridiculous." 

"You made the terms. You said a year." 

"I did not say - " Seishirou carefully contained the first flickerings of anger. "It's still ridiculous." 

"If you want to consider it thusly, that's your choice, however, as it is obvious the bet is not over, I think you have to admit that the year isn't over either." 

Seishirou considered this for a long time. He was sure the Sumeragi was stubborn enough to sit here and argue this mathematical point for a long time, and quite frankly, he didn't have the patience. 

_Fine, Subaru-kun. Two can play at this game. You think you still have a chance? You go ahead and think that. _

"Well, then." He picked up another cigarette and smiled as Subaru lit it for him. "By all means, the bet is still on. Use your time wisely." 

Subaru's face split in a mile wide grin. "Arigatou, Seishirou-san." 

"Do you still plan on staying here?" 

"It would speed it up." Subaru smiled. "After all, six thousand, five hundred hours is a good three or four of your years." 

"Does it count if we're sleeping?" 

"I don't know," Subaru said gravely. "What do you think?" 

Seishirou eyed him. "Are we in the same room?" 

Subaru finally turned red, blushing like the teenager Seishirou remembered. That was quite refreshing from this cold, calculating man that he'd become. 

Subaru had definitely done some growing up in this past month. 

And he definitely still had some growing up left to do. 

Seishirou's lips curved in his hunter's smile. 

This promised to be most . . . entertaining. 

****

"Hokuto-chan . . ." Subaru's breath puffed gently across the glass that separated him from Tokyo. Night had long ago fallen and Seishirou had retreated to his room, handing Subaru a blanket and telling him he was welcome to the sofa. Subaru had little doubt that Seishirou was still at least partly awake, keeping a magician's 'eye' on him. So Subaru stood there and looked out on darkened Tokyo, the twinkling lights that still glimmered here and there. 

It was a nice apartment, spacious but well-furnished, modern without being cold. Subaru's eyes traveled around it gently, skimming over the full ashtray and his mug of tea, half-full and cold. Then he looked back out the window. _Which direction is Ueno Park from here, I wonder . . . _

"Hokuto-chan," he repeated, fingers sliding against the glass. "Gomennasai . . . I feel like I should explain myself to you and I don't know how. Truthfully, I'm not sure what I'm doing . . ." He wondered vaguely if Seishirou was listening in on him, then decided he didn't care if the older man was. "I'm not a child anymore, Hokuto-chan . . . and you were right the entire time. I love Seishirou-san. But I don't know him. And that's wrong. 

"When I asked him to kill me, it was not because I wanted to die . . . it was because I wanted to know whether or not he would. As I suspected . . . he wouldn't. Perhaps even couldn't. Which means that there is some reason he wants me alive. And I have to find out what it is. If he truly feels something for me . . . I may be able to make him realize what . . . and I can't give up that chance. I'm so sorry, Hokuto-chan . . . if I hadn't gone inside myself, you might never have died . . ." 

Subaru took a deep breath, frost appearing on the window, tears sliding down his cheeks. It was cold outside. And cold inside him. "What was that one spell only you could do . . .?" 

He wiped the tears off his cheeks and turned away. "I can't be alone, Hokuto-chan . . . it would kill me. And since you're not with me anymore . . . I have to find out why he did this . . ." His eyes hardened. "If he truly has no feelings for me, I will kill him. But there's that chance . . . and I can't give it up. I'm sorry." 

He walked over and drank the last of his tea, then curled up on the sofa with his blanket and fell asleep. 

****

Seishirou looked down in dismay. 

That little . . . Subaru had smoked every single one of his cigarettes. 

_He must have done that after I went to bed last night._ Seishirou had stayed awake until he was certain that the Sumeragi had gone to sleep, and even then had only dozed lightly. Though it wasn't likely that Subaru would try to kill him, it was a possibility, and Seishirou was not about to leave himself open to it. 

No cigarettes. 

Subaru himself was still huddled on the sofa. Seishirou looked down at him, trying to resist the urge to throttle the boy right then and there. 

_Just because he smoked all your cigarettes? Really, Seishirou . . . he's got you flustered if you're contemplating killing him over that. _

Seishirou ignored the inner voice and decided to go get another pack. Subaru was still soundly asleep; he wouldn't be waking up for a while. Seishirou pulled his shoes on and left the apartment, locking the door firmly behind him. It was only a few minutes' walk to the closest convenience store. He started to buy a pack, then changed his mind and got a carton. Might as well stock up if Subaru was determined to give himself lung cancer in a day and a half. 

_My, my, how considerate of you. _

Seishirou quelched the irritating inner voice, telling it that keeping Subaru happy would keep him mellow. 

_Why do you care?_

"Because he's turned obnoxious," Seishirou muttered. "Just like a certain inner monologue I could mention." 

He could have sworn he heard an innocent whistling. 

Subaru was still asleep when he got back to the apartment. He went into the kitchen and started making breakfast, lighting up a cigarette. He was disturbed by this whole entire deal, and wondering how he'd gotten himself talked into it. He didn't know any of Subaru's motivation, and that was a problem, seeing as he could barely figure out his own. 

"This is ridiculous," he muttered to himself. "One, huge, big, horrible mess. I - " 

"Ohayo, Seishirou-san." 

Seishirou jumped. Damn it all, if he'd been paying attention, Subaru never would have been able to sneak up on him like that. _How does just thinking about him distract me so much? _

Not only was this stupid, it could be dangerous. 

Except it had never been a problem before . . . 

But before had been the innocent Subaru, the pure Subaru, the Subaru who never would've snuck up on him anyway so of course it hadn't been a problem! 

Seishirou collected himself. "Ohayo, Subaru-kun. Did you sleep well?" 

"Passably," Subaru said. "I'm sorry for finishing your cigarettes. I didn't realize how many I was smoking." His cheeks were just a tiny bit pink. 

_Ah, so the old, polite Subaru does still exist. Good to know. _

"It's no problem, Subaru-kun," Seishirou lied smoothly, ignoring his irritation from that morning. "I just went to buy more." He slid a pack across the counter to Subaru, who nodded in thanks and pocketed it. "Would you like breakfast?" 

"I'm not particularly hungry, thank you," Subaru said, surprising Seishirou even more. Normally Subaru would never turn down an offer of a meal, if only so the other person wouldn't feel awkward. The only time Seishirou had ever seen him do it was a few times when Hokuto had tried to make him eat after a job. 

_So the old polite Subaru exists, but is in no way in charge. Also good to know. _

"At least have some miso soup," Seishirou said, attempting to sound concerned and cheery. 

"If you insist," Subaru said evenly. 

"Of course I do," Seishirou said genially. "Can't have you wasting away on me, now can I?" 

Subaru allowed Seishirou to sit him down on one of the stools and put a bowl of soup and mug of tea in front of him. "Stop pretending, Seishirou-san." 

"Eh?" 

"I said I wanted to know the real Seishirou-san. Stop pretending to be concerned about me. I'm well aware of the fact that you don't give a damn whether or not I eat breakfast." 

Seishirou smiled coldly and picked up the newspaper, scanning for anything that might prove useful. "Hm." 

"What?" 

Seishirou let the newspaper dip so he could see Subaru. "One of the members of government is having a little . . . family trouble . . . his son just tried to kill himself." 

Subaru's eyes went still. "What's his name?" 

"Kuzuki Kakyou," Seishirou replied, his mind already on another things. 

"Kakyou-san . . ." Subaru breathed the name. 

Seishirou glanced up. "You know him." 

Subaru nodded once and pushed back from the table. "I have work to attend to. Plus I need to get some things from my own house." 

"Let me go with you," Seishirou said with a warm and convincing smile. 

"No," Subaru said flatly. 

Seishirou blinked, startled by the sharpness in his voice. 

"It's personal business," Subaru said, pulling on his coat. 

"And will you be back?" Seishirou's voice was teasing. 

"Yes. For dinner, no later." Subaru put on his shoes and walked out of the apartment without another word. 

_Author's Note: Okay, now I know what Subaru's doing . . . all I have to figure out is how he plans on accomplishing it! By the way, here's a disclaimer for you - that thing with a year having eight thousand how many hours in it wasn't my idea, I stole it from a book I read when I was a kid. The problem is, I can't remember what book it was so I can't credit it. R/R please!!!_


	3. Chapter Three

Part Three

_Another Author's Note: Distracting myself from recent events._

For those of you who don't know, Kakyou was in love with Hokuto. This comes up in manga 14 or 15 or so of X/1999, so I'm sorry if I'm spoiling anything for you . . . .

The room had a morbid atmosphere to it, not that it surprised Subaru very much. He walked in, reaching up to take off his hat, then remembering he'd stopped wearing it after Hokuto had died. He was tired of being the cute, naïve teenager. He certainly wasn't naïve anymore. Cute was still up for debate, especially if Seishirou was involved. 

His hair wasn't all that had changed. His wardrobe had simplified, cutting down to black, white, and earth tones only. He'd found an incredibly neat pair of boots. Hokuto would have loved them, so he'd bought them on a whim. Naturally, he'd stopped wearing the gloves. He just didn't see the point. Hokuto's clothes had been packed in boxes and left in his closet. He had no idea what he was going to do with them if he was moving in with Seishirou, or, for that matter, any of his other memorabilia. 

He walked over and pulled a chair over to Kakyou. He'd never met him, but Hokuto had talked incessantly about him. "You should go see him, Subaru-chan! He's lonely, like you!" 

Like me, Subaru thought sadly, and reached out to take Kakyou's hand. _Gomennasai, Kakyou-san . . . I should have come to see you after her death . . . but I was so wrapped up in myself then that it didn't occur to me that I wasn't the only one hurting. _

Another death on his hands. 

Unless he could save Kakyou somehow. 

The man at the door hadn't known him, but the name Sumeragi had a lot of clout to it, and Subaru insisted on sitting with Kakyou for at least a little while. Now, sensing that the man had become thoroughly absorbed in his magazine again, Subaru tried to see if there anything he could do. 

It had been a week since Kakyou had shot himself. The doctors insisted that he should have emerged from the coma, but he hadn't, stubbornly clinging to death. 

Subaru began to chant softly, going Within. 

It was a difficult spell, but Kakyou had neither the strength nor the inclination to keep him out. Within a relatively short amount of time, Subaru found himself standing on a beach. He breathed in the salty air deeply. Hokuto had loved the beach. 

_Didn't she mention that she was going to take him to the beach if he could ever get out of his Dreamscape? _Subaru tried to remember, but didn't. Kakyou had apparently come out of his Dreamscape long enough to try to kill himself. And now he was there again. 

Subaru stepped over the rocks carefully, his white trenchcoat billowing out behind him in the wind. "Kakyou-san?" he called out. His voice had changed, too. Though it hadn't deepened, the softness was gone, leaving a voice that felt like sandpaper to people when he spoke, rough with pain and sorrow. "Kakyou-san, are you here?" 

There. 

A figure was sitting on one of the rocks, staring out to sea. Subaru cautiously picked his way over to the other man, watching his thin blonde hair swirl in the breeze. "Kakyou-san . . ." 

"They won't let me go." Kakyou didn't turn to see who he was speaking to. "Why won't you let me go?" 

Subaru knelt next to him, but said nothing. 

Kakyou glanced over at him, and his eyes widened. "Hok - no. You are not her." He tilted his head to one side, looking at him curiously. "You must be her twin brother." 

Subaru nodded. "Sumeragi Subaru. It's good to meet you, Kakyou-san. My sister talked about you quite a bit." 

"Your sister . . ." Kakyou's eyes shadowed with pain, and he looked away. "I am sorry for your loss." 

"I am equally sorry for yours," Subaru said softly. 

Kakyou glanced at him for a second, then nodded in acknowledgment and looked down again. "You don't look the way I had expected you to. Hokuto talked about you. She said . . . you had strong power, but a pure heart . . . that it caused you pain." 

Subaru nodded slightly. "That sounds like something Hokuto-chan would say." 

"You sound like you don't agree." 

"I agree. She was right. My sister was very seldom wrong. Only about one . . . little thing . . ." Subaru thought of his sister's incessant teasing on the subject of Seishirou. _No, she was right that I loved him . . . she just thought that he loved me too. I wonder how I could make him . . . _

"What would that be?" Kakyou asked, looking curious in spite of himself. 

Subaru's hands itched for a cigarette. _Great, addicted already._ "Do you know how she died?" he asked quietly. 

Kakyou shivered. "I saw it. I saw the Future, but . . . I couldn't do anything." 

"That man, who killed her . . . we thought he was a friend." Subaru pulled his coat tighter around his shoulders. He couldn't quite find anything else to say about it. 

"What's being done about him?" Kakyou asked quietly. 

Subaru's lips twisted in a bitter smile. "He's being taken care of." _I'll have my revenge on you, Seishirou-san. You wait and see if I don't. _He turned and looked at Kakyou. "Love works in funny ways, doesn't it," he said, voice vulnerable suddenly, eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

"Yes," Kakyou breathed. 

"I loved him . . . he killed her . . . and I still love him." Subaru shook his head, wiping his eyes and ignoring Kakyou's astonished look. "He broke my heart and destroyed everything that I'd ever held dear . . . but when he's near me, I still . . ." That was it, he was going to have a cigarette or die trying. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the pack that Seishirou had given him that morning, then realized he had no lighter. He shoved it back into his coat with a curse. Oh well, he'd call it an exercise in self-control and get over himself. "And I hate him, too. God, I hate him." His fists clenched, fingernails digging into his palms. "I can't decide whether I want to kill him or throw myself at him. I would do anything to make him love me . . . but he lied to me the whole time." Subaru rubbed the tears off his cheeks. "I was so stupid . . . I never even thought to doubt him. So now . . ." 

"Now what?" Kakyou asked softly. "You sound like you have a plan." 

"Oh, I do." Subaru smiled crookedly. "I'm not sure it's going to work. But I do have a plan." He sighed. "Enough about me . . . why won't you come out?" 

"There is nothing for me out there," Kakyou said dully. 

"Like there's something for you in here?" Subaru glanced around at the landscape skeptically. 

Kakyou blinked at him, obviously startled. 

Subaru shrugged. "They're not going to let you die, you know. You might as well come out." 

Kakyou just shook his head. 

"I stayed inside myself for a month after Seishirou-san tried to kill me," Subaru said quietly. "Because it was safe. But if I hadn't . . . she might not have gone to meet him . . . she might never have died." 

"You don't know that." 

"No. I don't." _What was your one spell, Hokuto-chan? _"But I'll always feel guilty." 

"There's no point in that." 

"I know. But there's also no point in you staying wrapped up in yourself in here." Subaru stood. "I'll come visit you again, if you don't mind." 

"No," Kakyou said. "I . . . I'd like that. Subaru." 

Subaru smiled, then turned around and walked away. 

****

_Author's Random Insert: Great, now he's dragging Kakyou into this, too . . . none of this is my fault, I swear to God Subaru is possessing my body and going after a little revenge for himself. ::sighs and runs off to study for sociology final:: _

"Did you go to visit Kakyou?" Seishirou asked, serving Subaru up some food. 

"Yes," Subaru answered evenly. He had also gone back to his apartment and gotten an assortment of stuff, which was now sitting in boxes on Seishirou's floor. Seishirou hadn't said anything about it; he was obviously going to avoid the subject of Subaru moving in if at all possible. 

"How did you know him?" 

"I didn't," Subaru answered evenly. 

Seishirou blinked. "Then why . . ." 

"He was a friend of my sister's," Subaru answered shortly. His voice clearly implied, _Congratulations, Seishirou-san, you nearly managed to kill three people with one shot. _

"Ah," Seishirou said, not sure there was much else he could say to that. He was still completely lost as to Subaru's plan. The Sumeragi was sweet one moment, standoffish the next. If his plan was to just keep Seishirou so confused that he didn't know what to expect, it was working perfectly. 

Subaru watched as Seishirou poured him some tea, then took a sip. 

"So, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like a little clarification as to the new terms of the bet." 

Subaru merely looked up, raising his eyebrows. 

"Since it's technically still on," Seishirou added, smiling. "Are we still going by the same terms?" 

Subaru nodded slowly. "That I have to make you feel something true. And convince you that I'm more than an object." He smiled suddenly. "It doesn't sound difficult at all, phrased like that." 

"Oh?" Seishirou asked, voice laden with meaning. "You're sounding altogether too optimistic, Subaru-kun." 

Subaru blinked innocently up at him. "Well, you've given me lots of encouragement. After all, I've given you the chance to kill me twice and you still won't. I'll take that as a good sign. And you're letting me stay here." 

"Because I don't have the patience to argue with you," Seishirou said with an elegant shrug of his shoulders. "It's all the same to me." 

Subaru noted this with a slight smile. _It would be better if he was vehemently opposed to it, because then I could claim there must be some reason . . . indifference is much harder to deal with. _

In truth, Seishirou was vehemently opposed to it, but he certainly wasn't about to let Subaru know that. "And what about the rest of your things? Are they going to gather dust in your old apartment?" 

"No, I'll go by to dust them," Subaru replied. 

Seishirou rolled his eyes and muttered, "Of course you will." He cleared his throat and returned to his normal speaking voice. "And you're all right with the couch? I'd hate to deny my Subaru-kun anything . . ." 

"The couch is fine," Subaru interrupted before Seishirou could finish that thought, blushing faintly. 

"All right." Seishirou smiled. It was going to be an interesting evening. 

****

Seishirou followed his normal routine when he didn't have any work to do; he ate dinner, then sat down on the couch with a magazine. He was slightly nonplussed when Subaru grabbed a book and plopped down next to him. He was certainly not about to let Subaru know this. Everything passed fairly quietly until Subaru gradually leaned over further and further until his head was resting on Seishirou's shoulder and the book slid from his limp fingers. 

Seishirou blinked and looked down at him. _Cute, Subaru-kun._ He shrugged his shoulders a little to get the boy off of him, but Subaru's expression didn't change. Seishirou frowned. _Are you really asleep?_ He touched Subaru's mind gently, and it confirmed his suspicions: Subaru was sound asleep. 

Seishirou paused, not quite sure how to react to this. Since Subaru really was asleep, he had the liberty to deal with it however he pleased. However, if he shoved Subaru off of him, it was fairly likely that the Sumeragi would wake up. Then he'd probably smile innocently and say, "Why, Seishirou-san, I didn't think you minded my company that much . . ." 

That was not an option. 

Besides, it wasn't altogether unpleasant to have Subaru nestled up against him. Not that he planned on letting Subaru know that. Or, for that matter, thought that it was something he should be susceptible to. However, intimate, physical contact was a rarity for him. There was no reason he shouldn't enjoy it while it lasted. 

It wasn't emotional, he told himself firmly. 

_Oh, who the hell are you kidding?_ his inner voice asked, sounding altogether too amused. 

"Don't you start in on me," Seishirou muttered to that inner self. "I've got enough problems." 

He decided to get up and extract himself from the situation. As soon as he moved, however, Subaru's head slid off his shoulder and somehow ended up in his lap. 

Oh. Great. 

He looked down at his opposing star's face, completely composed and relaxed in sleep, washed clean of the bitterness that had marred his beauty earlier. 

_Did you just say beauty?_

Well, of course, it was no secret that Subaru was beautiful. Seishirou had known that since the first time he'd met him. A beautiful object, that was all, nothing more, like a particularly well crafted crystal vase or a dozen roses or a strain of Vivaldi - 

_Stop comparing him to things. You're making it worse. _

Seishirou let out a heavy sigh, guard down for the moment, his fingers absently toying with the Sumeragi's soft hair. Subaru smiled in his sleep and snuggled closer. 

This was such a mistake. 

_Yes, but how am I supposed to get out of it now? If I tell Subaru-kun that I've changed my mind, that he can't stay here, he'll just grin and say that I'm afraid of losing the bet. And he'll be right._

A sudden thought occurred to Seishirou. 

_So, what's the tragedy if I lose? _

"Don't be ridiculous," Seishirou firmly told his inner self. "You're the Sakurazukamori. He's the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi Clan. Are you out of your mind?" 

_"Subaru-kun, have you lost your mind?" _

"Yes. You've driven me insane, Seishirou-san." 

"Great," Seishirou muttered. "At least I'm not the only one." He sighed, leaning his head back against the cushions, fingers brushing gently over Subaru's skin. Subaru murmured something and sighed. 

It wasn't like it could work, not that Seishirou was seriously considering it for an instant. Subaru was devoted to preventing the misuse of omnyoujitsu. Seishirou was the misuse of omnyoujitsu. Talk about a match made in Hell. 

Not to even mention that he had deceived him, broken his heart, killed his sister, and done any other number of nasty things to Subaru. Seishirou himself was completely at a loss as to why on earth Subaru still wanted his company anyway, let alone wanted Seishirou to love him. 

His fingers brushed over Subaru's cheek, over his lips, twined in his hair. _Might as well get this out of my system while he's asleep. _

And just what are you getting out of your system? Seishirou's inner voice spoke up. 

He blinked a few times. 

"This is hopeless." He carefully eased Subaru off his lap, standing. Subaru yawned and curled into a little ball. Seishirou found the blanket he'd been using the night before and tucked it around his shoulders. Subaru smiled a little bit, relaxing deeper into sleep. 

Seishirou went to his room and changed, then crawled under the covers. It wasn't until much later that night that he realized that he'd only checked to make sure Subaru was asleep at the beginning of his conversation with himself. 

****

_Author's Note: Hey, does anyone else think Seishirou would like classical music with lots of violins? . . . No, I thought it was just me . . . Good God, he's being cute here. ^_~ _

If he keeps touching me, I think I'll either catch fire or die, Subaru thought. He was painfully aware of Seishirou's fingers running through his hair and over his skin. It amused him terribly, however, to realize that Seishirou thought he was asleep. And he had been asleep, but then Seishirou had started to move, and he'd woken to find his head in Seishirou's lap. 

It had startled him at first, but he'd gotten accustomed to it quickly. He heard Seishirou let out a heavy sigh and suppressed the urge to try to see the older man's face. He knew if he so much as twitched, Seishirou would realize he was awake, and that was something he didn't want. That was when Seishirou's fingers began toying with his hair. It was a pleasant sensation, if somewhat unnerving. 

He heard Seishirou mutter something to himself, then his fingers moved down to trace the line of his jaw, along his cheekbone, over his lips. He almost shivered, but managed to suppress it in time. 

"This is hopeless," he heard Seishirou mutter. Then he felt himself falling onto the couch. Seishirou tucked a blanket around his shoulders, sighed again, and left the room. 

Subaru smiled. This was going far better than he'd expected. 

****


	4. Chapter Four

Reversal

_Here's part four... ::is limp from studying::_

Part Four 

Seishirou awoke the next morning to find breakfast ready for him, but Subaru was flopped onto the couch and apparently asleep. He smiled and shook his head, then ate the food Subaru had prepared. Then he checked his watch. 

"I've got to leave for work now, Subaru-kun," he said, knowing full well that the Sumeragi was awake. 

"Are you still a veterinarian?" Subaru called back, sounding somewhat sleepy. 

"No, that was mainly for you, since I know you love animals." _Also, it was a distinctly good way of redirecting magical backlash, but you probably don't want to know that. _

"What do you do now?" Subaru sat up, rubbing his palms over his face and tousling his hair. 

"I went corporate." Seishirou checked his watch again, realizing that if he watched Subaru be adorable much longer, he'd be late. 

"I made you a lunch." 

"Did you?" Seishirou's lips twitched. "That was very considerate of you, Subaru-kun, thank you." He opened the fridge to see a brown paper bag. 'Seishirou-san' was written on it, plus a little heart. _Very cute, Subaru-kun._ He couldn't help but smile. "Subaru-kun, what are my colleagues going to think of this?" 

"If they know what a cold-blooded bastard you are, they'll probably be quite surprised." Subaru smiled pleasantly. 

Seishirou blinked, taken off guard again. _I really wish he would stop changing personalities on me. _"They don't. I do tend to keep that a secret, you know." 

"Of course I know." 

_Of course he does,_ Seishirou's inner voice said, sounding a little irritated with him. _What an utterly stupid thing to say. _

"I'm going to be late," he muttered, grabbing his lunch. 

_Oh, good. Let him see that he's flustered you. That's just brilliant of you. Seishirou, where is your brain? _

He left the apartment as quickly as he could. 

****

What with breakfast, not to mention the little love note that Subaru had slid into his lunch that nearly made Seishirou choke on the food, Seishirou didn't know what to expect when he got home. What he definitely wasn't expecting was a empty, dark apartment. 

Subaru had left a small note. "Had work to do. Be back soon. Hopefully he can keep you company in my absence." 

By 'he,' Seishirou assumed Subaru meant the small stuffed bunny that was sitting next to the note. He picked it up, playing idly with the blue ribbon tied around its throat. It was . . . very cute. Almost sickeningly so. It was plush and soft; Seishirou knew it had to be new. _He probably bought it while he was out yesterday. _

All right, what to do about dinner? 

He pondered making one of Subaru's favorite dishes and setting everything up for a romantic, candlelit dinner. If anything would fluster Subaru, it would be that. The problem was, he wasn't sure that anything would fluster Subaru. 

Best to avoid the possibility that Subaru would play it up. 

He threw together a hasty meal and ate without waiting for the Sumeragi to come home, then had an extremely good idea. 

****

Subaru frowned, looking around in the apartment. Seishirou was nowhere to be seen. He hung his coat up on one of the pegs in the hallway, then went into the kitchen. It was always possible that Seishirou had needed to work late. 

No, there was a note waiting for him. 

"Subaru-kun, I had a little work of my own to attend to. Don't wait up for me; I'll probably be late. Dinner is in the fridge. I brought the bunny with me, in case he was curious to see what I do for a living." 

Subaru flinched at the reminder. "Cruel, Seishirou-san . . ." But he'd invited the attack by giving him the bunny in the first place, so shrugged it off. He didn't need to be reminded of what Seishirou did for a living; it was something he wasn't likely to forget. So if Seishirou wanted to be a bastard, that was his right. 

He smiled, wrote a note of his own, smoked a cigarette, and went to bed. 

When Seishirou came home around two in the morning, Subaru was sound asleep on the sofa. Subaru had left a note that merely said, "Unlike people, stuffed animals love unconditionally." 

****

Seishirou got up to find that Subaru had again made him breakfast and left him a lunch. The Sumeragi was sprawled out, sound asleep, on the sofa. Seishirou ate his breakfast and decided to leave early, before Subaru could wake up. 

"Avoiding me, Seishirou-san?" 

Seishirou managed to not jump. _How does he keep doing that?_ "Of course not, Subaru-kun. Why would I avoid you?" 

"You were avoiding me last night, don't deny it," Subaru said. 

"No, I just decided the bunny needed to get to know me." 

Subaru raised an eyebrow. "I bought that bunny as a gift, you know. It's not fair to use it against me." He smiled. "Have you named it?" 

"I'm supposed to name the bunny?" 

"Of course." 

"I'll have to think about it." 

"All right. Did you see I made you a lunch again?" 

"Yes. I have to go." 

"You didn't leave until ten thirty yesterday." 

"I have an early meeting," Seishirou lied smoothly. 

"Of course you do, Seishirou-san." Subaru lay back down, pulling the covers over his head. "Will you be home for dinner?" 

"Yes. Will you?" 

"Oh, most likely. See you then." 

****

The note in Seishirou's lunch simply read "Having fun yet? I know I am." He tried to figure out if there was any way he could suddenly need to work late, then decided against it. He certainly didn't want Subaru any more convinced that he was avoiding him. He packed up and left at seven o'clock sharp. 

His house smelled like incense, which puzzled him because he never bothered with it. Then he realized that Subaru was doing a magic spell in his living room. He was sitting in the middle of five ofada, hands pressed together in prayer position and eyes closed. He was obviously concentrating intensely. 

Seishirou took a step forward, then realized that the ofada were wards. They were more of a polite 'do not disturb' sign than anything else. Subaru was well aware of the fact that his wards wouldn't stop Seishirou. 

Seishirou stopped for a minute to see if he could figure out what Subaru was up to, but had no clue. He knew that Subaru wasn't going to do anything dangerous, but it was still probably a bad idea to disrupt whatever spell the Sumeragi was doing. He sighed and went into the kitchen. 

Subaru had left dinner on the stove with the heat off. There was a note on top of the pot that said, "Go ahead and eat without me; I might be at this for a while. Please don't disturb me." 

Seishirou looked at it. "This is your idea of home for dinner?" He ate dinner slowly and waited for Subaru to finish whatever he was doing. Except Subaru didn't even twitch. An hour passed, then two, then three, at which point Seishirou gave up and sat down with a book. 

At midnight he decided it was a lost cause and went to bed. 

****

At twelve thirty that morning, Subaru's eyes finally opened as he fell backwards. His head was throbbing and his vision was blurry. He had been in trance for five and a half hours. He stared up at the ceiling and smiled as a familiar face hovered in his view. "Hokuto-chan . . ." 

"You just had to do that spell again, didn't you," she complained. "You know it knocks you flat whenever you try it, baka. C'mon, sit up." 

Subaru cringed under his sister's gaze and propped himself up against the couch. "Gomen," he said faintly. "I had to see you again." 

"It's not healthy, Subaru-chan!" Hokuto whacked him over the head, or at least tried to, except her hand didn't even ruffle his hair. Then she settled on the sofa. "So how are things with Sei-chan?" she asked, grinning madly. 

"Hokuto-chaaaaan . . ." Subaru protested vaguely, cheeks turning a brilliant red. 

"I think things are going marvelously," Hokuto said. "You have a mean streak, though! Making him fall in love with you! That's . . . horrifying! It's like something I would think of!" 

Subaru smiled faintly. "I need your help with the details . . . that's why I had to call you again. I'm sorry . . . I know I should let you rest. But I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing . . ." 

"Oh, don't be silly." Hokuto gave him a disapproving head shake. "You know I don't mind! It's great entertainment . . . You certainly have him flustered!" 

"I know, but I'm already running out of ideas." Subaru sighed. "Can you think of anything?" 

"Not off the top of my head, but . . ." Hokuto grinned wickedly. 

"But?" Subaru prompted. 

"I know exactly who would." Hokuto smirked. "Here, write this down . . ." She recited an address, which he scribbled on a piece of paper. "Go there. Ask for Johnny. He'll recognize you, 'cause I used to go visit him." 

"Johnny?" Subaru asked, frowning. "I don't think you ever mentioned him." 

"No. But promise not to be scared by anything he says or does." 

Subaru raised an eyebrow. 

"He's kinda neurotic," Hokuto said with a cheerful grin. "And also a low-level empath. Sort of. Remember Mirei?" 

Subaru nodded. 

"He can do the same sort of stuff, just on a much lower level. He said I felt like candy canes and the ocean. Weird kid. He'd be great at something like this, though." 

"Okay," Subaru said. 

"And if all else fails, buy a book on it," Hokuto suggested. "Now go to bed, your head must be killing you." 

"Yeah," Subaru agreed. "I had another question for you, though." 

"What?" 

"Seishirou-san said . . . that you asked him to kill you." 

"Well, I did," Hokuto said. 

"Why? And why didn't you tell me the first time I called you back?" 

"Well . . . you didn't ask the first time! Besides, I had that spell that I could do . . ." 

"Yeah, Seishirou-san mentioned that. What was it?" 

"Honestly, Subaru. Don't most people Sei-chan kills end up in the Tree?" 

"Yes . . ." 

"Do you see me in the Tree?" 

"No . . ." 

"Well, then!" Hokuto grinned angelically. "Anyway, I was worried that he was going to come after you again, and you'd get stuck in that silly old Tree, since you didn't know this spell. So I had him kill me, and I didn't go to the Tree, and then I bound my soul to yours. So if he had killed you, you would've been pulled to me and the Tree wouldn't have been able to get you. And that's why it's so easy for you to call me back." Hokuto kept grinning. "Get it?" 

"Yes," Subaru said, nodding slowly. "I wish you'd told me that, last time." 

"I was afraid it would take away a bit of your steam," Hokuto admitted. "And Sei-chan deserves exactly what you're giving him!" She nodded emphatically. "No matter why he killed me. It's what he did to you that matters." 

Subaru sighed. "Ano, neesan . . . one more thing . . ." 

"What now?" she asked, pretending to be exasperated. 

"It's about Kakyou-san . . ." 

Hokuto went very still. 

"He . . . tried to kill himself." 

Hokuto stared at him. "He did what?" 

"I'm sorry, I should have gone to visit him like you told me to, but after you died I was so . . ." Subaru shivered, hugging his knees to himself. "And then I found out, and he's not dead, but he won't come out of his Dreamscape." 

"He won't?" Hokuto was sounding more and more displeased by the minute. "Well, you tell that little twit that he'd better. Because if he does, you can call me back and I can talk to him." 

Subaru smiled weakly. "Hai, I'll tell him that." 

"Good." Hokuto looked around. "So this is Sei-chan's new place, huh? Pretty nice, if you ask me." She felt the ties that were holding her to the world start to fade, looked back at her brother, and realized that he was falling asleep. "Subaru-chan . . ." She smiled as he slid sideways and curled in a little heap next to the sofa. "Oyasumi, Subaru-chan," she said, and faded out. 

****

_Author's Note: Yay! It's time for Johnny! _

IMPORTANT NOTE: Johnny is my friend Karasu's. I'm merely borrowing him for the story, with her permission, and with her sitting over my shoulder telling me what he'd say half the time. Do not steal, use, misuse, abuse, or otherwise mistreat Johnny. Or he will kill you. And then we'll hunt you down and kill you. Then we'll send Seishirou after you. It would be really messy, not to mention redundant. So don't try it. 

Seishirou walked out to find that Subaru was asleep exactly as he'd left him, only slumped over. The ofada were still there, but the wards were no longer active. The incense had burned down, leaving a small pile of ash. 

"Subaru-kun, you are an idiot," Seishirou informed the unconscious boy, packed his own lunch, and left for work. 

Subaru woke up about two hours later, feeling groggy and sore from sleeping in such an awkward position. He rubbed his neck, changed out of his shikifuku into his black catsuit and red jacket. He'd always been particularly fond of that outfit; it was the only piece of clothing he'd kept that was a bright color. Even without the hat, he still liked the outfit. He pulled on his boots and left the apartment. 

It took him about an hour to walk to the address Hokuto had given him, and wasn't surprised to find that it was a Soapland. He pushed the door open and went in. "Can I help you?" asked the extremely perky girl behind the desk. 

"Uh, hai . . ." Subaru looked around nervously. "I'm looking for Johnny." 

She eyed him. "And is this for an appointment, or are you just here to speak to him?" 

Subaru turned beet red. "J-Just to talk to him. Thank you." 

"I'll get him for you." The girl grinned at him and bustled off. She came back a minute later. "Johnny's with a customer right now . . . he should be down in about twenty minutes, if you'll wait." 

"I'll wait," Subaru said, then hesitantly asked, "How do you know it's only going to be twenty minutes?" 

"Because that's all Johnny got paid for, and he won't go a minute over," the girl answered cheerfully. 

Subaru wanted to sink into the floor. Instead he sank into a chair to wait, wondering how on earth Johnny could do what he did if he had the same power as Mirei. After a long second of waiting, he began to fidget, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. 

Exactly twenty minutes later, an American boy came down the steps from upstairs. He was a little taller than Subaru with a thin, willowy frame and large eyes. His hair was dark brown, but lighter at the same time, as if it was coated in dust. He was wearing extremely tight black vinyl pants and a loose, see-through shirt. "Hokuto," he said, sounding surprised. "You cut your hair." He spoke heavily accented, rather halting Japanese. Then he frowned. "Oh, you're not Hokuto. You must be her brother." 

"H-Hai," Subaru stammered. "Sumeragi Subaru." He stubbed out the cigarette and extended his hand, which Johnny shook. He noticed that Johnny wore black silk gloves. 

"Forgive me for asking, but why are you here? Your sister told me you'd pass out before coming in a place like this, and you look like you're about to. In fact, why don't you sit back down before you do. We can go in the other room." He turned and walked away, motioning for Subaru to follow. Subaru, seeing no better option, did so. He settled into a wooden chair in the next room. "I haven't seen Hokuto in a while," Johnny said. "Where's she been?" 

Subaru fiddled with the bottom of his jacket. "Hokuto's dead," he said softly. 

Johnny blinked. "Excuse me?" He blinked again. "I heard you, right? I mean, I'm a little buzzed right now and my Japanese isn't the greatest. But you did say that she's dead?" 

"Yes," Subaru said. 

Johnny appeared to take this in stride. "May I ask how?" 

Subaru tried to think of a short way to explain it. There wasn't one. "Do you have a few hours?" 

Johnny checked his wallet. "I guess I've made enough for today." 

Subaru explained the entire, messy story to him. 

Johnny considered this. "So your goal is to make your son of a bitch pseudo-boyfriend pay. Right?" 

Subaru smiled a little. "Yes. And that's where you come in." 

"Well, then." Johnny folded his hands in front of his face. "What would you like to know?" 

"I need to make him fall in love with me. And I don't know how." 

Johnny frowned a little. "Well, it depends. Are you going for romance or seduction?" 

Subaru turned pink. "I don't think I could do seduction. Let's go with romance." 

"Okay," Johnny said. "To begin with, nice candlelit dinner for two. With his favorite foods. Very low lighting aside from the candles." 

Subaru nodded. "Sounds good so far." 

Johnny continued to think. "How's your English? And his?" 

"Mine's good, his is better," Subaru said. 

"Then can we switch to English now? My Japanese is kind of limited." 

Subaru nodded. "Sure," he said in English. "But why do you ask about his?" 

"Have you heard of the movie The Princess Bride?" Johnny asked. He spoke much faster and sounded much more sure of himself now that he was in his native language. 

"No." 

"Find it. Rent it. Watch it. Trust me." 

Subaru smiled a little. "All right. What else?" 

Johnny frowned, running his hands through his hair. "I usually play seduction games, not twisted courtship. Let me think." 

"It's okay, take your time," Subaru said. "I don't need to be home for hours, anyway." 

"I don't know how to do romantic things," Johnny complained. "Liam doesn't go for walks on the beach. Liam goes for sex on the beach." 

"Who's Liam?" Subaru asked. 

"My boyfriend," Johnny answered. "But our relationship is hardly a traditional one." 

Subaru smiled crookedly. "Like mine and Seishirou-san's is." 

"Okay, good point. Do you like toy stores, Subaru?" 

"Yes." 

"Have him go shopping with you. End up at a toy store and play with stuff. It'll be cute. He'll love it. And make him buy you something big and expensive." 

Subaru grinned. "That's a great idea." 

Johnny kept thinking. "Long walks and PDAs. Or better yet, picnics." 

"PDAs?" Subaru asked questioningly. 

"Public displays of affection," Johnny said, and raised an eyebrow as Subaru turned the color of a tomato. "I'm guessing that's a problem." 

"I'm not a very . . . publicly affectionate person," Subaru said. 

"Oh." Johnny hid a smile. "But that's a good thing. Because if you don't like to do it, or at least you don't usually do it, it'll make more of an impression when you do." 

Subaru pondered this logic. "What kind of PDA?" 

"Holding hands. That seems very possessive. And hugs. I'd say arm around the shoulder but I think you're probably too short. Arm around the waist maybe." 

"I can manage that." 

"And kissing, of course." 

"K-K-Kissing?" 

Johnny fell out of his chair laughing. When he finally contained himself, he got back up. "Subaru, you're too cute. I see why this two-faced, slimy bastard likes you." 

Subaru sighed, trying to suppress the blushing. "I've never kissed anyone before." 

Johnny shrugged. "So practice." 

Subaru choked. "On who?!" 

Johnny suppressed the urge to say, 'Well, I could.' No point in scaring the kid. "No, never mind. First little pecks on the cheeks, then stand on your tiptoes and just kiss him." 

"I'll die of embarrassment." 

"I'll take that to mean you'll never give him a real kiss in public." 

"No." 

Johnny pondered. "Think he can feel jealous?" 

"Probably. Maybe. Why?" 

Johnny smirked. "Kiss someone else." 

Subaru fell out of his chair. 

"No, just kidding." 

"Don't do that, you scared me!" 

Johnny grinned. "Seriously, though . . . I'd be more than happy to . . ." He coughed. "Help out, if you needed anyone in that department." 

Subaru smiled back tentatively. "Well, maybe you can come over for dinner sometime . . . that would be an interesting experiment." 

"Be aware that if I think it's working, I'll be all over you. I have to get revenge for Hokuto somehow. Now I can't think of any more romantic stuff. How about the seduction?" 

Subaru squeaked. "There will be no seduction!" 

"Sure there won't," Johnny said. "Just let me give you a few tips and you can decide if you want to take them." 

"Okay," Subaru said hesitantly. 

Johnny grinned. "Okay, now I'm all set. Wait 'til he's sitting. Come up behind him, wrap your arms loosely around his shoulders. And say something, anything, right by his ear, softly. Exhale while you're right there. Maybe lick his ear just a tiny bit. The beauty of this is that you can claim it was all accidental if you work it right. Subaru . . . are you still breathing?" 

Subaru looked like he was about to pass out. "You . . . you want me to . . ." 

Johnny tried not to snicker. 

"How is this supposed to be accidental?" Subaru finally managed. 

"You could be asking what's for dinner. It doesn't matter if it's accidental. You can claim that it is." 

"Yeah, he'll almost believe that . . ." Subaru muttered. "But . . . lick his ear?!" 

"Either that or the little hairs on the back of his neck," Johnny said, nodding. "But the ear works better, since you're already right there." 

"Why do I have to lick anything?" Subaru protested. 

"Because he'll like it," Johnny said. "You just have to do it with finesse." 

"Finesse?!" 

"Yeah. Think cat, not dog, and you'll be all set. Anyway, you can claim it's accidental even if you both know it's not. Now you're playing a game." 

Subaru covered his face with his hands. "How did I get talked into this conversation . . .?" 

"To make the prick fall in love with you." Johnny eyed him. "That is what you want, right? Because to hear your story, cute isn't going to do it. You tried a year of cute, and it didn't work. It's time to change tactics. And this is about as different as you can get." 

Subaru made a face. 

"Anyway, that's lesson one. The lingering touch." 

"What do I do after that?" 

"Leave the room. See if you can get him to watch you. If you can, head for the sofa. Sway a little. Then sprawl out. As artistically as possible. Even if he doesn't do anything you'll look damned good." 

"Um . . . what if he does do something?" Subaru suddenly looked terrified. 

Johnny shrugged. "Go with it if you want. But I would suggest not. Push him away gently and tell him he can't have anything until he's decided he loves you." 

"That's not really fair . . ." 

"Are you interested in fair?" 

"No." 

"Okay then. That concludes Lesson One in Using Sex as a Weapon." 

"What's lesson two?" 

"Fruit." 

_Author's Note: Isn't Johnny great? If you're wondering why Hokuto would know an American prostitute, please refer to Annex/Smile. Feedback? Johnny would like feedback... and trust me, you don't want to deal with him when he's pissy ^_~ I'll try to get part five up soon... no promises though, editing's a bitch._


	5. Chapter Five

Part Five

Dinner that night was quiet and rather strained. At the very end, Subaru said, "Thanks for giving me a blanket this morning, by the way. That was really considerate of you. I'm sorry for anyone else who's ever passed out on your floor." 

Seishirou glanced at him. "To begin with, it's hardly my fault that you were doing some complicated magical spell in my living room that resulted in you passing out. Secondly, nobody ever said I was considerate." 

He knew that Subaru was irritated. He didn't expect that Subaru would try to take revenge. The next morning, the teenager was as cheerful and polite as ever. He'd made breakfast again, and lunch. Seishirou had a lot of work to do, so he was fortunately eating in his office when he got to the tuna sandwich that Subaru had dumped white pepper on. A lot of white pepper. He threw the rest of his lunch away, went hungry, and couldn't taste anything for the rest of the day. 

When he got home, he was greeted again by only a note. "People used to say I was considerate. Everybody makes mistakes." 

****

_Three days later . . . _

"Subaru-kun . . ." Seishirou finally said after staring at the boy for a good five minutes while he was making dinner. 

"Nani?" Subaru turned to him. 

"Are you taller today?" Seishirou asked. 

Subaru looked down, then compared himself to various objects in the kitchen. "A little, yes. Guess I'm finally hitting my growth spurt." He grinned. "I'll need some new clothes. Any suggestions?" 

"I trust your judgment." 

"Maybe I'll get Johnny to go shopping with me," Subaru said nonchalantly. 

Seishirou paused. "Who's Johnny?" 

"A friend of mine." 

"Sounds like a Gaijin." 

"He's from America." 

"Even better." 

"He's got good fashion sense, though. From what I've seen." 

"Have you seen him a lot?" 

Subaru turned to him. "Why do you care?" 

"Just curious." 

"Of course you are. Well, no, Seishirou-san, I haven't seen him a lot, but he's very nice. And much closer to my age . . . yeah, I'll get him to take me shopping." 

"You do that, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, trying to sound completely unconcerned and doing a fairly good job. 

"And you're sure that you don't have any suggestions?" 

"No." 

"Would you like to come?" Subaru smiled innocently. "I think you and Johnny would get along really well." 

"Really?" 

"Hm . . . on second thought, no. Not at all. Maybe you and I can go shopping for a little while and then I can meet up with him. Tomorrow's Saturday, after all." Subaru smiled up at Seishirou. "How does that sound?" 

"Absolutely delightful," Seishirou said. "Now I need to go, Subaru-kun." 

"I made you a lunch." 

"No thanks," Seishirou said, and left the apartment. 

****

Subaru was careful to avoid the pet store, because he knew he would want to go in and hug all the puppies, and with Seishirou around, that would call up far too many memories. He could go by later with Johnny. 

"Hey, a toy store!" Subaru astonished himself with his bravery and grabbed Seishirou's hand, twining his fingers with the older man's. He took a brief glance over his shoulder and smirked at the startled, but not altogether displeased, look on Seishirou's face. _Johnny, you are a genius._ He dragged Seishirou into the toy store. "Look at that," Subaru breathed, wandering over to a huge teddy bear that was taller than Seishirou. He let go of Seishirou's hand and pressed his face against the plush of the bear. This seemed to be a good idea, since it was all he could do to not start laughing. He remained snuggled up against the bear until Seishirou poked his head nearby. 

"Ano, Subaru-kun, what are you doing?" 

"It's so kawaiiiii," Subaru said, eyes wide. "So huggable and soft and . . . it's so cute!" 

Seishirou blinked. "You like stuffed animals, don't you." 

Subaru just grinned, hugging the bear tighter. "Come on, tell me this bear isn't cute." 

"It's adorable." _Just like you._ "Why don't you buy it?" 

Subaru made a face. "And make my grandmother yell at me about sensible spending again? No thanks." 

Seishirou looked at Subaru. 

He looked at the bear. 

****

"He bought it for me! Oh God, I could've died laughing!" Subaru plunked down onto a bench next to Johnny. "I mean, don't get me wrong, it's adorable, and I really like it. Then he even brought it home so I wouldn't have to lug it around!" 

"Sounds like you're doing well," Johnny said. "Why are we going shopping?" 

"All my pants are too short," Subaru said. "I've hit my growth spurt and I need new clothes. An entire new wardrobe. One that'll . . . impress Seishirou-san." 

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "I take it money is no object?" 

"Nothing is too good for my Seishirou-san," Subaru said with a nod and a grin. 

"That is so cute. I'm going to be ill. Let's go." Johnny stood and headed towards a store. 

Subaru followed. "I held his hand, too. Aren't you proud of me?" 

Johnny looked at him. "Good God, you're cute. No one's allowed to be that innocent. And you're not innocent. You just act it. And look it. Well, we'll take care of the last part." 

"Naa, I had a question for you." 

"What?" 

"Hokuto said you were sort of an empath." 

"Yeah, I guess you could put it that way." 

"Sort of like you could see people's pasts by touching them?" 

"Not really their pasts. But their general state of being. And their intentions." 

"She said you said she felt like candy canes and the ocean." 

"Yeah, well, your sister was a weird chick." 

"What do I feel like?" 

Johnny blinked at him. He peeled off one of his gloves and took Subaru's hand. "Sandpaper and roses," he said, taking his hand away. "Weird. Kinda bitter under all that, aren't you." 

Subaru shrugged. "Well within my rights. Can you do me a favor?" 

"Maybe." 

"If you come over to dinner, can you try to see if Seishirou-san cares about me?" 

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "I'll think about it." 

"Thanks." 

****

Seishirou blinked. Then he blinked again. Then, convinced that he was seeing wrong, he kept blinking. Subaru was still wearing the same clothes. 

"Your friend does have remarkable fashion sense," he finally said. 

"Oh, yeah, Seishirou-san, this is Johnny. Johnny, Seishirou-san. He's just helping me carry my stuff in. I have a lot of it." 

"What about your grandmother and sensible spending?" 

"This is sensible. I have to have clothes." 

Seishirou eyed the bags. "Expensive clothes." 

"I have to look good, don't I? After all, nothing's too good for my Seishirou-san." 

"I'm going to be sick," Johnny said, shaking his head. 

Seishirou continued to watch Subaru as he put the bags down. This wasn't the same person who'd been gleeful over a huge teddy bear that morning. Not possible. 

"Look, Johnny, it's my bear!" Subaru glomped onto the bear. 

"You're very cute," Johnny said. 

Seishirou glared at him. _He's not cute. Well, he is cute, but you aren't allowed to tell him that. _

Johnny gave Seishirou a sidelong glance and grinned. Then he walked over to Subaru and draped an arm around the Sumeragi's shoulders. "What's the bear's name?" 

_What is it with these people and naming their stuffed animals?_ Seishirou wondered irritably, trying to figure out if he could throw Johnny out of the apartment without Subaru getting irritated. 

"I think his name is Mr. Snuggles," Subaru announced. 

It was all Johnny could do not to laugh. "Mr. Snuggles." 

"Hai!" 

"You are quite possibly the most adorable person I've ever met," Johnny said, then suddenly turned and extended a gloveless hand to Seishirou. "Hi. I'm Johnny." 

"Nice to meet you," Seishirou said, trying to be civil and shaking his hand. 

Johnny held onto his straight face but jerked his hand away, then wiped it on his pants. 

"I see you've heard about me," Seishirou said. 

"Eh," Johnny said, and turned to Subaru. "Ice water and blood." 

"Excuse me?" Seishirou said. 

"And those damn flowers. They're all over frickin' Japan." 

Subaru laughed. "That's . . . intriguing. Thanks, Johnny." 

"You owe me one. A big one." 

"Well, what about my question?" 

"Oh, that question?" Johnny considered. "No real definite answer. Give me a while. My skin is crawling." 

Seishirou was watching this exchange in confusion. "May I ask . . .?" 

"You may not," Subaru said calmly. 

Johnny snickered, then put his arm around Subaru's shoulders again. "So, you gonna have me over for dinner sometime?" 

"Oh, sure," Subaru said. "That'll be fun. Whenever you want. Just give me a call." 

"He has this number?" Seishirou asked, sounding displeased. 

"Well, sure, how else is he supposed to call me?" Subaru asked, sounding confused. 

_And why are you letting him put his arm around you? _Seishirou was seething. _He's just doing it to make you jealous . . . no getting jealous. _

Yeah, right, his inner voice responded. 

"Anyway, I've gotta get going," Johnny said. "I'll be late for work." 

"Where do you work?" Seishirou asked. "I could give you a ride." 

"No, I'll take a taxi. Subaru-kun gave me money," Johnny said calmly. 

_You're not allowed to call him that, _Seishirou wanted to snap. _What am I saying, everybody calls him that. But not everybody puts an arm around him like that. This is so not fair. _

It wasn't until Johnny was out the door that he realized Johnny had never answered his question. 

He turned to watch Subaru as he unpacked his bags. He was wearing a baggy chenille sweater - somehow he managed to get away with chenille, and pull it off quite nicely - and tight leather pants. Really tight leather pants. And, of course, his boots. The pants were black and the sweater was charcoal gray. 

_You were allowed to be cute. Cute is fine. You are not allowed to be sexy. And especially not both at the same time. How do you do that? How did he dress you like that? _Seishirou took great effort and made himself calm down. 

"Do you want dinner, Subaru-kun?" he asked. 

"Oh, sure, dinner would be great. I'll cook." 

"Thank you," Seishirou said. _That gives me time for a cold shower. _

****

Subaru checked the clock nervously. _God, he's going to be home any minute . . ._ He stubbed out his cigarette and use the lighter to light the two candles. "Okay," he said to himself. "I have the candles, the food, the nice china and silverware, his favorite CD on the stereo . . . one last touch." He ran into the bathroom to made sure his hair looked presentable, then got something from Seishirou's bedroom. 

_Where should I be when he gets home?_ he wondered near frantically. _On the couch or in the kitchen? _

Couch, he decided. That way he could get up and make an entrance, rather than just being there when Seishirou walked in. He drew the curtains, walked over to the sofa, and flopped down. _God, I'm not going to live through this._ His heart was throbbing almost painfully in his chest. 

He heard the door open. "Tadaima, Subaru-kun," Seishirou called cheerfully. Then his footsteps halted as he took his surroundings into account. 

_I should have tried a romantic candlelit dinner myself,_ Seishirou thought. _Then he wouldn't have. _

"Subaru-kun?" he called out questioningly. 

Subaru got off the sofa and smiled at Seishirou's widening eyes. "Okaeri, Seishirou-san." 

Seishirou blinked at him, composing himself. "Isn't that my shirt?" 

Subaru looked down at his outfit, pouting a little. "Don't you think it looks good?" 

_Yes, it looks good. It looks better on you than it does on me. _Seishirou simply stared at him. Subaru was wearing black leather pants again, but it was a different pair; these laced up the sides. With that, he was wearing a tight, black, mock turtleneck. It was the same kind he'd always worn, but it looked different with the rest of the outfit. Over that he had carelessly - or at least it gave the impression of being careless - tossed on one of Seishirou's white, silk, button-down shirts. It was sliding off just a little, since it was about five sizes too big, to reveal one shoulder. Seishirou suddenly realized he had never answered Subaru's question and tried to kick his brain back into gear. "You look absolutely fine," he said, understating the case remarkably. 

Subaru smiled angelically. "I cooked dinner." 

"I can tell. What's the occasion?" 

"Oh, none really. Just felt like surprising you." Subaru slowly - very slowly - tugged the shirt up so it was covering his shoulder again. 

Subaru had definitely done some growing up in the past couple months. 

Seishirou allowed Subaru to usher him into a chair and serve him dinner. All his favorite foods. And his favorite music on. This had been extremely well planned and well prepared. If it hadn't been for the giant bear, Seishirou would have said he'd walked into the wrong apartment. Still, it was amusing, in a flattering sort of way, that Subaru was spending this much time on trying to impress him. 

What wasn't amusing was that it was working. 

"It's in return for the bear," Subaru said suddenly, startling him. 

"Dinner, you mean? Subaru-kun, there's no need to repay me for that." 

"I know." Subaru smiled and leaned very close to whisper in Seishirou's ear, "I just wanted to." 

He couldn't quite bring himself to lick Seishirou's ear, but that was probably all for the best. Seishirou jerked away from his closeness as it was. 

"What's wrong, Seishirou-san?" Subaru asked innocently. 

"Nothing," Seishirou answered sharply. He could feel Subaru's breath against his ear, and smell the lavender shampoo Subaru had been using, combined with the smell of his shirt. It smelled like his aftershave. The combined smell was nice, but it just made the two of them more linked together in Seishirou's mind. 

"You don't like me being close to you," Subaru said simply. 

No, he was wrong, and that was the problem. Seishirou did like Subaru being that close to him. He liked it too much. 

"I assure you that's not the problem," he said, forcing a smile. 

"It isn't?" Subaru scooted his chair a little closer and put his hand on Seishirou's arm. "Then you wouldn't mind this?" 

_Clever, Subaru-kun,_ Seishirou thought. His body tensed and he forced it to relax. "Of course not. Why would I? After all, it means nothing to me." _You mean nothing to me,_ he told himself, and tried to believe it. 

Subaru's eyes widened a little with surprise and pain. 

Seishirou hoped he would take it as a cue to drop the whole issue. 

Instead, Subaru leaned his head against Seishirou's shoulder. "But it means something to me," he murmured, closing his eyes. His hand wrapped around Seishirou's arm. 

"You're making it difficult to eat," Seishirou said coldly. 

Subaru looked up at him, eyes calm, but not calm enough to hide the fact that Seishirou had made his point. Then a delicate smile curved his lips. "I never claimed I would make anything easier, Seishirou-san." But he let go and went back to his own food. 

As a romantic dinner, Seishirou reflected, this one had been very odd. 

**** 

_One month later . . . _

Dinner had gone badly, so Subaru sat back a while to regroup. By the end of the month, his eyes were level with Seishirou's chin. He could tell it disconcerted the older man a little, though Seishirou would never admit it. It just meant he had to admit Subaru was no longer a child, in any way. 

He had finally found The Princess Bride and had set everything up so he could watch it, then he'd gotten a job. He sighed, changed, and left. He could hardly put off his work just so he could fluster Seishirou. 

And the job would have to be outside, and of course it was raining. Subaru went back to the apartment at eleven that night, soaked, cold, and sneezing. "Tadaima," he rasped, voice like sandpaper. He toed off his shoes and hung up his dripping coat. 

"You look terrible," Seishirou said, concern in his voice. 

Subaru tried to figure out if he was really worried or just pretending, but his head ached and he decided he didn't care. "Aa . . ." he said. 

Seishirou got a towel and draped it over the Sumeragi. "Here." 

"Arigatou," Subaru said. It hurt to talk. His throat was already sore. 

"Why don't you change into some dry clothes and I'll make you some tea and soup," Seishirou suggested. 

Subaru smiled. "Arigatou, Seishirou-san . . ." He got some clothes from the boxes that were still sitting at the foot of the sofa, and went into the bathroom to change. He came out dry, even if he still felt terrible. 

Seishirou gave him the tea and soup, then put a hand on his forehead and informed him that he had a fever. 

"Who's surprised," Subaru muttered. He ate about half the soup, then let Seishirou shepherd him into bed and tuck the blankets around his shoulders. "Funny thing, Seishirou-san . . . if I didn't know better, I would swear you were worried." 

"It just wouldn't do if you died before we had the results of the bet, now would it?" 

"You're a bastard, Seishirou-san," Subaru muttered, and fell asleep. 

**** 

Subaru was jarred out of sleep by the ringing phone. He fumbled around sleepily for it, then remembered where he was and realized he would have to get out of bed to get it. He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and wobbled his way over to the phone. He felt terrible, even worse than the night before. "Moshi moshi," he coughed into the phone. 

"Subaru, you sound terrible." Johnny's voice, speaking English as usual. 

"I know," Subaru said. His head ached and his throat felt like someone had taken a cheese grater and lemon juice to it. He was light-headed and a little dizzy. He slumped back onto the sofa. "I'm sick. Had to go out in the rain for about three hours yesterday." 

"Oh," Johnny said. "I was wondering what had happened, since you were supposed to be here an hour ago." 

Subaru's eyes flew open again and looked at the clock. It was two in the afternoon; he had agreed to go shopping again with Johnny at one. "I'm sorry!" he blurted out, horrified at himself. 

"Why? You're sick, you don't have my number, I have no phone. Don't worry about it." 

"On the upside, Seishirou-san seemed very concerned," Subaru said. 

"It's the Florence Nightingale effect," Johnny told him. "Go back to bed, Subaru. You sound like you're about to die." 

"But it's two in the afternoon . . ." Subaru protesting vaguely. 

"Who cares? Sleep." 

"You want to come over to dinner this weekend?" Subaru asked, trying to make up for standing Johnny up. "I haven't needled Seishirou-san in a while." 

"Sure," Johnny said. "Sunday night okay?" 

"I guess. Why Sunday?" 

"It's the night we do the least business. Mika - she runs this place - would kill me if I skipped out Friday or Saturday night." 

"Oh. All right. Ne, can I ask a question?" 

"You can always ask." 

"If you can feel things with your hands, how do you do your job?" 

"With a great amount of difficulty." 

"Seriously." 

Johnny shrugged. "By popping a few downers first. That kills it pretty efficiently." 

"Oh," Subaru said. "Well, I'll see you Sunday? I'll send a cab to pick you up. Sevenish." 

"Okay," Johnny said. "See you then." 

**** 

Seishirou came home to Subaru curled up on the couch with a mug of tea. "Have you been in bed all day?" 

"I don't feel well," Subaru said indignantly. 

"You must not. The Subaru I remember would never have spent a full day lounging around in bed, no matter how terrible he felt." 

"The Subaru you remember doesn't exist anymore," Subaru said. "Just as the Seishirou I remember never existed in the first place. Guess we'll just have to reconcile the new Subaru with the new Seishirou." He smiled charmingly. 

"The old Subaru was much easier to deal with," Seishirou told him. 

"But you didn't care about the old Subaru. Therefore keeping him around is kind of pointless." 

Seishirou couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret, almost as if he actually had killed the Sumeragi. Then he shook himself._ What am I thinking?_

Besides, the 'new Subaru' wasn't that different. A little more mouthy, sarcastic, bitter. Definitely more . . . interesting. Almost, Seishirou would have said, alluring. While it was true that the old Subaru had been far easier to deal with, Seishirou found himself liking the new Subaru better. He had more substance, if that was possible. The younger Subaru had been so completely willing to do whatever anyone told him, gullible, passive, weak. It was almost nice to have a Subaru who was still kind, still caring, but had a little more bite to him, for lack of a better term. 

Far more entertaining. 

Still, he could have done without Subaru's behavior. The Sumeragi alternated between trying to seduce him and trying to irritate the hell out of him. 

The damnable thing was, he was good at it. 

Especially the first part. 

Seishirou had no idea where Subaru had learned it, but the combination of the clothes and the habit Subaru had gotten of hanging himself over Seishirou like cellophane sometimes drove him crazy. 

It was an exercise in self-control. 

Seishirou didn't appreciate it. 

It was interesting to try to guess what Subaru had up his sleeve, to try to figure out what he'd do next. The problem was, Seishirou kept guessing wrong. 

"Ah, but Subaru-kun," he said, grinning at the younger man, "what makes you think I like the new Subaru any better?" 

Subaru shrugged. "The way you look at me." 

"And how do I look at you?" Seishirou asked, amused. 

Subaru just smiled. "Besides, you haven't killed me yet." 

"That's because the bet isn't over, remember?" 

"Of course, Seishirou-san." 

**** 


	6. Chapter 6

_Warning: This part contains strawberries...._

XD!! Some people will get the joke. If you don't now, you will by the end of the chapter.

Part Six

"Hey, I brought you something." Johnny handed a small box to Subaru. Subaru had waited outside the apartment building for him. 

"Really?" Subaru opened up the small box to reveal a pair of sunglasses. They were mirror shades like Seishirou's, only smaller and rounder. "Thanks . . . why, though?" 

"Because you're always complaining about how you can never see Seishirou's eyes. So I figured you could wear these and get back at him for it." 

Subaru fiddled with the glasses. "I appreciate the offer, but . . . I can't accept it." 

Johnny raised an eyebrow. 

"Seishirou-san wears the glasses for two reason. He really does like to unnerve people with them, particularly me. But he also wears them because he only has one eye. He lost the other defending me . . . it was what made me realize that I loved him. And I can't needle him about the sunglasses." 

"Why can't you?" 

Subaru shrugged. "Because it wouldn't be right." 

"Because you feel guilty?" 

Subaru shifted. "Well, he did lose the eye for my sake." 

"Well, you don't have to feel guilty; it's not like you forced him too. It's okay to feel sympathy, but not guilt." 

"Well, whether it's sympathy or guilt, I still wouldn't needle him about the sunglasses," Subaru said, in a polite but firm tone that indicated the matter was closed. 

"Have you tried asking him to take them off?" 

Subaru blinked. 

"People miss the most obvious solutions," Johnny said, shaking his head. 

"I don't want to ask him that," Subaru said, squirming visibly. 

"Why not?" 

"Because I don't want to bring it up at all." 

"You don't want to bring it up or you don't want him to stop wearing them?" 

"Uhm . . ." 

"Does his blind eye make you nervous?" 

"A little, yeah," Subaru admitted. 

"Well, you'd better get used to it. It's part of him. Besides, if you ever sleep with him, he can't wear them then." 

Subaru turned red. "Johnny!" 

"What?" 

"Let's go inside." 

"Whatever you say." Johnny followed Subaru into the apartment. Seishirou was inside cooking dinner. 

"Oh, did you already start cooking?" Subaru asked. "Johnny doesn't really like Japanese food; I was going to suggest something American." 

"What?" Seishirou looked up and saw Johnny. _Oh, this is going to go badly. _

"It's the seaweed, raw fish thing, it creeps me out," Johnny said. 

Seishirou looked down at what he'd been cooking. 

"You can eat that, Seishirou-san . . . I'll just cook some hamburgers for the two of us. Sorry." Subaru looked apologetic. Johnny attempted to look apologetic and failed miserably. 

Seishirou contained his irritation. "Don't worry about it, Subaru-kun." 

Subaru squashed into the small kitchen, which definitely wasn't built for two, brushing up against Seishirou as he tried to reach the fridge. Seishirou pressed himself against the counter to allow Subaru more room. Johnny stood in the doorway and watched. He contemplated going in to 'help' and thus make even less room in the kitchen, but he didn't want to be that close to Seishirou. 

Within fairly short order, dinner was ready and on the table. "You didn't tell me we were going to have a guest," Seishirou said reprovingly. 

"You didn't ask," Subaru said. 

"That's hardly fair." 

"I didn't want you to get jealous ahead of time," Subaru said. 

Johnny snickered. 

"What makes you think I'd get jealous at all?" Seishirou asked. 

"I don't know, maybe your reaction last time he was here." 

"I thought I was going to be killed for poaching," Johnny added, draping himself over Subaru. "I just can't help it. He's too cute." 

"Not at the dinner table," Subaru told him, smirking. 

"Okay, afterwards," Johnny said, unwrapping himself from around Subaru and going back to his food. 

_No, not afterwards,_ Seishirou thought, ready to spit fire. 

"Anyway," Johnny said, "don't you like American food, Sei-san?" 

Subaru choked on his tea. 

Seishirou lifted an eyebrow. "Sei-san?" 

"Well, Mr. Sakurazuka is too long. Mr. Seishirou is just weird, not to mention incorrect. Seishirou-san is too . . . Japanese. So it's gonna have to be Sei-san. And don't look at me like that; yes, I'm a Gaijin." 

"I noticed," Seishirou said, pouring himself more tea. 

There was an uncomfortable silence. 

"Why do you wear gloves, Johnny?" Seishirou suddenly asked. 

"It's part of my charm." 

"Yes, you do have an overabundance of charm." 

"It helps me get what I want," Johnny said, putting his arm around Subaru's shoulders again. 

"I thought you wore them because you were psychometric." 

"Sounds like a fancy name for head trouble." Johnny reached up with a few gloved fingers and played with Subaru's hair. "And if you knew the answer, why did you ask?" 

Seishirou was trying to ignore the fact that Johnny was touching his Subaru-kun. "To see if I was right." 

"I got the impression you were hardly ever wrong." 

"I'm not," Seishirou said with a smile. 

"Well, then, maybe you should trust yourself. But you're right; you win the prize for today. Unless, that is, the prize is Subaru." 

Subaru just laughed, leaning his head on Johnny's shoulder. 

Seishirou twitched. "Are you implying that Subaru is yours?" 

"I'm not implying he belongs to anyone. But if you don't want him . . ." 

_Of course I do. No I don't. Oh God. Conflicting signals . . . _Seishirou clenched his fist in frustration, under the table where nobody could see. He forced his voice to be even. "He's all yours." 

"If you say so," Johnny said. He leaned very close and whispered into Subaru's ear, "This is working quite well, don't you think?" 

Subaru grinned and nodded. 

Seishirou abruptly stood and left the room. 

Subaru burst into snickers. "Oh God, this is so funny!" 

"Doesn't take competition well, does he," Johnny said. 

"He never had any before," Subaru said. "And he knows he's backed into a corner, because if he doesn't admit that he feels something for me, then you'll just scoop me up, which you won't because you've got Liam, but he doesn't know that." 

"This is the most fun I've had in ages," Johnny said. 

"Johnny, has anyone ever told you that you're twisted?" 

"The correct term is neurotic." 

"Right," Subaru said. "Anyway, I'll wait and see what he does . . . I do need more clothes, though. He's gotten used to all the ones I own now." 

Johnny suddenly grinned. "Hey, I have a good idea . . ." 

"What?" 

"How about we go shopping, then you come over and stay the night at my place?" 

Subaru blinked. "Why?" 

"Because he'll never know that you slept on the couch," Johnny said. 

Subaru slowly grinned. "That is a good idea. I'm such a little bastard." 

"I'm no better. Let's go." 

Subaru stood and walked to the kitchen, where Seishirou was sulking and pretending to do dishes. "Naa, Seishirou-san . . . Johnny and I are going out . . . shopping. I'll probably be back late. Don't wait up for me." 

Seishirou muttered something, nearly breaking the china as he slammed it around in the sink. 

"Jaa!" Subaru called as he pulled his shoes on and left. Johnny followed with a proprietary arm around Subaru's waist that Seishirou couldn't help but notice. As soon as they were out the door, he let go of Subaru. 

"His head's going to explode." 

"That's the point." 

"I mean, really. Brain goo everywhere." 

"He'll just have to deal." 

"Have you tried the PDAs?" 

"Just the holding hands thing. Honestly, what do you think he would do if I kissed him in public?" 

"Odds are, be a bit stunned and then kiss back. I've been paying attention. He wants you." Johnny said this in a totally matter-of-fact tone of voice. 

Subaru tripped over a crack in the concrete and nearly went sprawling. "H-he what?" 

Johnny looked at him. "There was enough sexual tension in that room to spread it like butter, and it wasn't because I was there." 

"But he doesn't love me," Subaru said insistently. "I can tell. So how can he want me?" 

"Sex and love don't necessarily go hand in hand," Johnny said. "A lot of the time they do, but not always. Besides, he cares for you some or you'd be dead by now." 

"Oh, that's comforting," Subaru said. "So he's keeping me around because he wants to sleep with me? Great. I don't want him to want me. I want him to love me." 

"But you can't separate the two," Johnny said. "If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't want you. Anyone would suffice. And I'll guarantee you that he probably goes to a Soapland to try to work off some of the tension, but as soon as he's around you, it's back again. Lust and love are two different things, but if it was just lust, anyone would do. And it won't. He wants you." 

"Great." Subaru drooped. "This doesn't help me at all." 

"Oh, get over yourself. Let's go shopping. I had another idea." 

"What?" 

"You said that you realized you loved him when he got hurt protecting you. Right?" 

"Right." 

"So find a way to get hurt protecting him. Not badly hurt, just sort of hurt. It might help." 

"Only you would think of something twisted like that." 

"It's all part of my charm." 

****

_Author's Note: It just occurred to me, when Seishirou made the bet, how did he know Subaru was going to turn out gayer than sin? I mean, that was really lucky for him. If Subaru had been straighter than a yardstick, Tokyo Babylon would've been really different, and probably nowhere near as interesting._

Seishirou did the dishes, cleaned off the table, and settled down in the living room. He couldn't help but wonder if Johnny and Subaru were really 'shopping,' but pushed that thought away quickly. 

The thought of Subaru being with someone else hurt him more than he would admit. 

"Look, be logical about this," he said to himself. "Subaru wants you, or else he wouldn't be here. But he's too nice to lead someone else on like that, so Johnny has to know what's going on. Which means that Johnny probably isn't actually interested in Subaru for whatever reason. The whole thing is just to make you jealous, so let it go." 

Brilliant logic, now if only he could make himself believe it . . . 

It wasn't even so much that he didn't believe it. It simply came down to two basic facts. 

One: Subaru belonged to him. No one was allowed to touch him the way Johnny kept doing. It didn't matter how they meant it. It was simply unacceptable. 

Two: Watching Johnny do that only made Seishirou want to do it more. This was also unacceptable. He had to control himself. 

Subaru was making it damned hard on him. 

Johnny wasn't helping. 

As he'd suspected from the beginning, the whole thing had been a mistake. He should have left Subaru in the park that day, catatonic or faking or whatever. Now he was stuck with the Sumeragi, and the only way out was to admit defeat. 

That was also unacceptable. 

Come to think of it, the whole damn situation was unacceptable. 'Unacceptable' was quickly becoming the most frequently used word in his vocabulary. 

He knew Subaru was stubborn enough, and was beginning to suspect that he was talented enough, to keep this up until he'd won. 

Seishirou was trying to think ahead, trying to figure out the possible ramifications that might result in losing the bet. For one thing, Subaru would hold it over his head the rest of his life. 

Other than that . . . 

And that was when his logic fell apart. Because if Subaru was willing to forgive and forget and accept what Seishirou was, there really wasn't anything that would keep the two of them apart. 

Except Seishirou's pride. 

_Ah, but what's the point in a bet you know you can win?_ his inner voice piped in. 

"Shut up," Seishirou replied irritably._ I want him, that's all, _he told himself firmly. _That's acceptable. That's natural, with what he's been doing lately. There's nothing wrong with that. And it's not more than that. _

It was then that he looked at the clock and saw that it was past midnight. 

He did a double take and checked again, but no, the clock still read 12:13. 

His first thought, much to his discomfiture, was one of worry. What if something had happened? 

Then he instinctively reached out to Subaru, touching on his mind gently. Not enough to tell where he was or what was happening, but enough to determine one crucial factor . . . 

Subaru was asleep. 

Seishirou blinked. All right, that was fine, he'd slept over at Johnny's. 

His mind processed that for a second, then realized what conclusion he had just come to. 

Slept over at Johnny's? 

That was unacceptable. 

He hadn't even called. 

Seishirou shoved aside the hurt feeling that was starting to present itself. Fine, if Subaru wanted to keep trying to make him jealous, that was his right. 

_I'm just going to go to bed. _

**** 

_Author's Note: It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for poor Sei-chan, isn't it . . . well, not really. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really like Seishirou. He's also a complete and total bastard and deserves exactly what he's getting. _

"Where were you last night?" Seishirou asked the next evening when he got home from work and found Subaru lounging on the sofa in biker shorts and a huge sweatshirt. The sweatshirt was long enough to almost make it look like Subaru wasn't wearing anything for pants at all. It certainly prevented Seishirou from seeing anything he might be interested in. 

"Johnny's," Subaru said. 

"Why didn't you call?" 

"Because I didn't figure you cared." 

Seishirou cursed inwardly. Subaru had him there. "Well, for future reference, call if you aren't going to be home. I thought something might have happened." 

"Hm," Subaru said, totally noncommittal. 

"Did you have a good time?" Seishirou couldn't help asking, wondering if he could manage to needle Subaru about it without Subaru needling back. 

"Oh, very much so," Subaru said. "Johnny's a very . . . interesting person." 

"That much I could tell," Seishirou said dryly. 

****

_Hm, I wonder . . ._ Subaru could hear Seishirou shuffling around in the bedroom. _Johnny would be proud of me for thinking of this on my own, _he thought with a grin. He finished rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, then lifted his foot and stomped down hard in the tub, producing a satisfying thud. 

Then he continued to soap himself and wait. 

He didn't have to wait long. Seishirou's shuffling paused, started again, then stopped. There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Subaru-kun?" 

Subaru didn't answer, smirking. 

"Subaru-kun, are you all right in there?" 

There was a long moment of silence. 

Seishirou opened the bathroom door and peered in. "Subaru-kun?" 

"Nani?" Subaru peeked out from around the shower stall door. It was the clear kind, but steamed up, so it allowed Seishirou to see a perfect silhouette of Subaru's body but nothing else. Seishirou stopped dead in his tracks. Subaru absently pushed his sopping hair out of his face. "Did you need something, Seishirou-san?" 

"Yes," Seishirou said firmly, fumbling around on the counter and grabbing the first thing that came to hand. 

"Oh, and here I thought you were worried about me." Subaru pouted, leaning out a little further, enough for one shoulder to show. 

Seishirou kept hold of himself quite nicely, all things considered. "Yes, well, dead bodies in my bathtub are such a nuisance." With that, he quickly escaped the bathroom. And the bedroom. And the apartment altogether, simply leaving a note that said, "Errands to run. Be back later." 

****

_Author's Note: Um… of all things, spoilers for The Princess Bride. If you've never seen it, I hope you don't mind if I give something away. It's in the first five minutes of the movie, so, uhm, deal with it._

Subaru decided, once he'd gotten out of the shower and dressed, that it was time for the movie. Johnny had given him some additional tips (not to mention helped him find another batch of clothing). Subaru flopped on the couch and waited for Seishirou to come home. 

It wasn't long before he did; he had obviously only left in order to collect himself. "Tadaima, Subaru-kun," he said, sounding somewhat nervous about what the Sumeragi might decide to do next. 

"Okaeri," Subaru merely called over from the sofa. Then he got up and walked into the kitchen, where Seishirou had sat down with a mug of tea. "You left in an awful hurry." 

"I found myself out of cigarettes," Seishirou said dryly. 

"And your nerves needed calming?" Subaru asked with a smirk. 

Damn it, Seishirou was never going to stop regretting letting that slip the first day. "You might put it that way." He looked up at Subaru and nearly sighed at what he was wearing now. He'd apparently gotten tired of tight pants and loose shirts, and reversed it. His pants were simple black dress pants. His shirt, which looked like it was painted on, was a simple cotton knit. It was dark green and matched Subaru's expressive eyes perfectly. It also cut rather low, revealing just a little of Subaru's collar bone. "I like your shirt, Subaru-kun." If Subaru was going to needle him with clothes, Seishirou was going to needle right back. 

The ongoing battle between the two of them was almost enjoyable, Seishirou mused. He had to admit that he was enjoying Subaru's attentions. The only problem was that Subaru kept stopping before it got anywhere, leaving Seishirou supremely frustrated. 

"Arigatou, Seishirou-san." Subaru smiled and leaned over, draping his arms loosely over Seishirou's shoulders. He put his mouth very close to Seishirou's ear and whispered, "I'm going to watch a movie." He didn't ask if Seishirou wanted to join him. He just breathed out a little, brushing his lips over the top of Seishirou's ear, then, amazing himself with his own bravery, flicked his tongue over it. Then he pulled away. 

Seishirou stared at him. _Did he just lick my ear? Subaru-kun . . . you astonish me._ He watched as Subaru made his way across the room and flopped down onto the sofa. 

_Okay, that was an invitation, _Seishirou decided. He pushed back from the table and walked over to where Subaru was sprawled artistically across the couch. "Subaru-kun, you didn't leave any room for me," he said, voice amused. "What if I want to lie down?" 

"Oh, sorry," Subaru said, sitting up. Seishirou gracefully lay down on the sofa, taking up all the space except for the small portion on which Subaru was sitting, and grinned, waiting to see what Subaru would do. "That's hardly fair," Subaru told him. 

"I never claimed it was." 

Subaru smiled and started the movie. 

"It's in English," Seishirou said. 

"I know. Johnny suggested it. I figured both our English was good enough to try it." 

Seishirou tried not to get insulted at the mention of Johnny and focused on the movie. It was, as far as he could tell, pure sap. Sap wasn't to his liking. It improved remarkably after the first five minutes when they killed the love interest off. 

Just as he was starting to get interested, and thus was totally distracted, Subaru lay down, on his side, on top of Seishirou. His head rested on Seishirou's shoulder. 

It was all Seishirou could do to not sit up in surprise. As it was, he managed to stay lying still. No point in letting Subaru know that he was surprised. He decided to keep watching the movie. 

He kept this resolve up for about five minutes. Subaru was breathing right into his ear, which made him a little nervous, mostly about whether or not Subaru would try anything else. Subaru's arm was draped over his waist. About twenty minutes into the movie, his fingers started to trace their way up Seishirou's side. 

_Okay, this is no longer funny,_ Seishirou decided, trying to keep his nerves from jumping to attention. Subaru's fingers moved slowly across his chest, then down to draw patterns on his stomach. 

Seishirou stole a glance over at Subaru and realized something astonishing: the Sumeragi was entirely engrossed in the movie. He honestly wasn't doing it to torture him. 

Well, that was a refreshing change, but it certainly didn't help the situation. 

Seishirou decided to put a stop to it as gently as possible. He reached up with one hand and twined his fingers through Subaru's, effectively stopping their movement. 

Subaru blinked, his face turning red as he realized what he'd been doing. He didn't say anything about it, however, simply closed his eyes and relaxed, feeling more comfortable in Seishirou's arms than he would have thought possible. 

Seishirou looked at his face and decided it was time for a little payback. 

He cautiously moved his other arm so it was behind Subaru, then put his hand on the small of Subaru's back. Subaru tensed immediately, so Seishirou remained still until Subaru had relaxed again. Then he began to run his fingers up and down Subaru's back. Subaru let out a tiny little gasp, muffled in Seishirou's shoulder. Seishirou smiled and traced patterns on Subaru's back, running his fingers over his shoulder blades, going up to play with the tiny hairs on the back of Subaru's neck. Subaru's fingers tightened on Seishirou's for a moment, then he relaxed again. 

Well, that was no fun if he was going to get used to it. Seishirou stopped the movement of his fingers, wrapping his arm around Subaru's waist in a gentle but still possessive gesture. Subaru sighed contentedly into his shoulder. 

_This . . . _Seishirou thought, trying to stop the thought but unable to, _is this happiness? Could it be like this . . . always? _

For the first time in his life, Seishirou didn't feel alone. 

It was the first moment in his life that he actually felt at peace. 

"Seishirou-san . . ." Subaru's voice, amused, very close to his ear. 

"Hmm?" Seishirou opened his eyes, wondering what Subaru wanted to tell him. 

"The movie's over." 

"It is?" Seishirou blinked. "I mean, it is. Of course it is." _Did I fall asleep? _

"Did you like it?" Subaru asked, not making any move to pull out of Seishirou's embrace. Then he smirked. "Did you see any of it?" 

"Did you?" Seishirou replied, admitting nothing, denying nothing. 

"I saw the last half after you fell asleep . . ." Subaru answered, a ghost of a smile on his face. 

_Damn it. I did fall asleep._ It was no wonder, really; he hadn't been sleeping that well at night. The tension was really starting to wear on him. He had tried visiting a Soapland, but if anything, that had made it worse. Before that, he'd been able to deny that he'd wanted anything that badly from Subaru, afterwards it was impossible. 

And now here he was lying on the couch with Subaru in his arms. 

It would be so easy . . . 

But he couldn't allow it. 

He realized that he was sitting there staring at Subaru, who was probably waiting for a reply of some sort. Not that it mattered; Subaru couldn't see his eyes, after all. But . . . 

Subaru was taking his sunglasses off. 

Seishirou was too surprised to stop him as Subaru reached up with one delicate hand and tugged the glasses off Seishirou's face. For the first time in months, they stared at each other, eye to eye. Subaru stared into him, looking for something. And Seishirou could see the depths of Subaru's emotion in those green eyes, all the love and pain twined together. 

"I wish you wouldn't wear these all the time," Subaru finally whispered. 

Seishirou searched through his entire vocabulary for something to say, but Subaru's face so close to his was making it impossible to think. "Okay," he eventually came up with. 

Subaru smiled and ran his fingers gently through Seishirou's hair. "Arigatou, Seishirou-san." 

Then he stood up and walked away. 

Seishirou watched him go. He was somewhat concerned to find that his hands were shaking. 

****

_"What's lesson two?" _

"Fruit." 

"Fruit?" 

"Yeah, fruit. Pick something sort of juicy. Strawberries are best, but sections of oranges work too." 

"Okay . . ." Subaru still looked bewildered. 

"Bite part of it off sort of slowly, keeping your lips wrapped around it. Then take another bite and lick your lips off. Then ask him if he wants some, and make it unclear as to whether you mean the fruit or your lips." 

"How do you make that unclear? I mean, I'm either holding the fruit out to him or sticking my face at him." 

"Don't do either. Hold the fruit like you're going to take another bite, then turn and ask if he wants some. Don't move your head." 

"Oh. Okay." 

"See how it becomes a bit confusing?" 

"Yes." 

**** 

When Seishirou came home the next day, Subaru was leaning against the kitchen counter with a glass of iced tea and a carton of strawberries. It looked innocuous enough, except for what Subaru was wearing. Seishirou was almost getting used to the Sumeragi's outfits. The tight mesh shirt with the loose black jeans took him off guard, though. He was wearing a tight black tank top under the mesh shirt. 

Seishirou simply shook his head and went to make himself some tea. He had spent most of the day at work thinking about what had happened the night before. It was maddening to realize that now he wanted Subaru in two ways: the obvious way, and also because he made the loneliness go away. 

But it was still just wanting, he tried to convince himself. 

"What did you want for dinner?" Subaru asked. 

Seishirou looked over at him in time to see the first strawberry disappear into Subaru's mouth. "I don't know, anything's fine." He watched as Subaru lifted another strawberry to his lips. "Or did you want me to cook?" he asked absently, watching Subaru close his lips around the fruit. 

Subaru finished the strawberry and threw the stem into the lid of the carton. "I'll cook," he said with a smile, reaching for another strawberry. He took a bite of it and licked off his lips. "Do you want some?" he asked innocently, not extending the fruit. 

_This is ridiculous,_ Seishirou decided. 

He didn't even bother to say yes. He simply walked the three steps across the kitchen, put his arm around Subaru's waist, and kissed him. 

Subaru trembled in his grasp, but his arms went up to wrap around Seishirou's neck and he dropped the strawberry. His lips parted a tiny bit, then a little more as he tentatively tried to return the kiss. Seishirou ran his hand up Subaru's back, pulling him closer. Subaru's hand clenched on a fistful of Seishirou's shirt as the older man pinned him against the counter. 

Then he reached up with one hand and pushed Seishirou away. 

They separated, both of them more than a little out of breath. 

"No," Subaru finally managed to say, voice ragged. "Not unless you love me." 

_That's not fair!_ Seishirou's brain screamed. His instincts took over and he kissed Subaru again, more forcefully this time. Then he jerked away as he felt something very cold and damp on the back of his neck. 

Subaru had slid an ice cube down the back of his shirt. 

Seishirou cursed and shook his shirt until the ice cube fell out and clattered on the floor. Subaru must have fished it out of his iced tea. 

"I said, not unless you love me." Subaru's voice was cold. 

It wasn't fair. He could tell that Subaru wanted it as badly as he did. The way his body had tensed in Seishirou's grip, the way he had trembled and clutched at Seishirou's shirt. So why not? 

Subaru looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he turned and walked away. Seishirou listened to his footsteps as he walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and turned on the water. 

_Escape tactic,_ his brain supplied for him, and he wished he had thought of it first. 


	7. Chapter Seven

_Warnings: Frustration, unrequited lust, minor confusion, and a cliffhanger._

Part Seven

Subaru moved from fruit to popsicles. 

It was absolutely ridiculous, but Seishirou felt he might go insane from wanting him so badly. Somehow, Subaru managed to have an effect on him that no one else had ever had. It was the bizarre way the Sumeragi managed to combine innocence and sensuality, appealing to everything Seishirou had ever wanted in a person. 

And Subaru always held him at arm's length. 

By the end of the week, Seishirou was sick of it. If Subaru was going to continue to lead him on like this, it was time he stopped being a tease. 

It was Friday and he'd had a long week, not to mention a tiring one. Subaru was in the kitchen cooking dinner, not even doing anything out of the ordinary other than what he was wearing. Even that wasn't too outrageous; just a white V-neck sweater and his black leather pants. 

"Subaru-kun, we need to talk." 

"Hm?" Subaru turned around to face him. 

"I thought you might want to know that there's a flaw in your plan." 

"Oh?" Subaru looked skeptical. 

"I'm guessing at this point that your plan is to drive me crazy and make me decide that I'm in love with you and admit it so you'll stop torturing me." 

"Generally speaking, yes." 

"So let's say I was to say right now that I had decided I love you. How would you know I'm not lying?" 

Subaru just smiled. "I have my ways, Seishirou-san. And right now, you would be lying. Obviously, since you wouldn't have asked if you planned on telling the truth." 

"I didn't plan on saying I was in love with you," Seishirou told him. 

"I know," Subaru said with a smile. 

"Then did it occur to you that what you're doing is dangerous?" Seishirou asked in a low voice, moving a little closer. 

Subaru blinked. "Dangerous?" 

"It's not fair to tease a man the way you've been," Seishirou told him. "Sometimes it's enough to drive someone to drastic measures . . ." He reached out and toyed with a few strands of Subaru's hair. 

"Oh, really." Subaru didn't sound impressed. 

"Really." Seishirou's lips brushed over his. "Very dangerous." He leaned in for a kiss, pinning Subaru against the wall. "Especially with someone like me . . . who doesn't care if you get hurt . . ." He traced Subaru's jaw with one finger, kissing him more deeply, pushing Subaru's lips apart. He pulled away long enough to say, "You don't know what the real Seishirou-san would do . . ." His hand had worked its way under Subaru's shirt. He kissed him again, sliding his tongue between the Sumeragi's lips. 

And jerked away as there was a sharp pain in his mouth, and he tasted blood. 

That little bastard had bitten him. 

Seishirou put one hand to his bleeding lip in surprise, then attempted to dodge as Subaru punched him squarely in the jaw. He stumbled backwards a step, then regained his balance. 

"Don't you dare," Subaru hissed. "Don't you ever treat me like that again." 

Seishirou rubbed his jaw. "Then stop being a tease," he retorted. "If you're ready to offer what you promise that's one thing, but if you're not, then stop it." 

"Oh, having trouble controlling yourself, Seishirou-san?" Subaru asked furiously. "I'd think an emotionless man like you wouldn't be having any problems at all." 

"Lust isn't the same thing as love," Seishirou snapped, unknowingly nearly quoting Johnny. "I could have ice water in my veins instead of blood and I'd still be having trouble controlling myself." 

Subaru's eyes went wide. 

Ice water and blood . . . 

So that's what Johnny had meant. 

Before Subaru could collect himself, Seishirou had turned on his heel and stormed out of the apartment. 

Subaru slid to the floor, his shaking knees unable to hold him up any longer. After a long time spent trying to gather himself together, he got up and wrote a note to Seishirou. Then he simply curled up on the sofa in a ball of misery and waited to fall asleep. 

****

Seishirou blinked and stared in astonishment. No, it just wasn't possible. Not at all. 

On the other hand, it would explain an awful lot . . . 

He crossed the room and tapped the boy on the shoulder. "Konban wa, Johnny." 

Johnny whirled around and blinked, obviously surprised to see him. But he collected himself quickly. "Hi, Sei-san." 

Seishirou ignored the nickname. "You work here? At a Soapland?" 

Johnny shrugged. "We all have to eat." 

Seishirou considered this. "So you're the one who's been giving Subaru tips this entire time." He didn't wait for Johnny to reply. "That explains a lot." 

Johnny just smiled. "He learned from the best. Here to work off a little tension, Sei-san?" 

"You could put it that way." 

"What happened to your face?" Johnny asked, eyeing the growing bruise. 

"Subaru-kun and I had a disagreement." 

"That was quite a disagreement." 

"I'm inclined to agree. May I ask a question?" 

"You can always ask." 

"How do you know Subaru-kun?" 

"Mutual friends," Johnny replied. 

"I see," Seishirou said. "If you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to." 

**** 

Seishirou got home near dawn, exhausted and not feeling any better. Subaru was asleep on the sofa, looking miserable. He had left a very short note. 

"You're right, lust isn't the same thing as love. If it was only lust, anyone would do." 

Seishirou crumpled up the note and went to bed. 

**** 

"I need to ask a favor," Subaru said, sitting down on the rocks next to Kakyou. He'd been visiting every week. "I'm putting the final part of my plan into action and I need a little help with the details." 

"Oh?" Kakyou asked, watching the waves pensively. 

Subaru smiled a little. "It's like this . . ." 

**** 

Seishirou came home from work Monday with an aching head. He and Subaru had avoided each other like the plague over the weekend. Now he was confronted by the smell of dinner cooking and dim lighting. Not this again . . . "Tadaima, Subaru-kun." 

Subaru poked his head out of the kitchen. He was wearing a sweater (which had once been Seishirou's and thus was far too big, and Seishirou knew he'd never get it back, but it was loose and looked good on Subaru, so who was complaining) and jeans. "Okaeri, Seishirou-san. I cooked dinner, then I think we need to talk." 

Seishirou nodded silently, though he didn't look forward to it. Dinner passed mostly in silence. 

Subaru clutched his mug of tea between both hands. "To begin with . . . I owe you an apology. It wasn't fair of me to lead you on like that when I couldn't offer what it looked like I was offering." 

Seishirou accepted this silently. 

"I honestly would do anything to make you love me . . . except that. That's something I can't give you unless you truly care for me." 

Seishirou continued to drink his tea in silence. 

Subaru looked at him, eyes open and honest. "I want to make you happy, Seishirou-san. And I thought it was working. That night . . . on the sofa . . . you looked so peaceful. I want . . . more times like that." 

So did Seishirou, and he wanted it so badly that he could never admit it to the Sumeragi. He still said nothing. 

"Seishirou-san," Subaru said quietly, "why don't you have emotions?" 

Seishirou blinked; that had to be the last question he was expecting from Subaru. It was a perfectly reasonable question, however, and he wondered why Subaru had never asked it before. Then he tried to figure out exactly what he was supposed to say in reply. Eventually he just shrugged. "It's part of what being the Sakurazukamori is." 

"But what happened to them?" Subaru pressed. "Are you just born without them? Do you get rid of them? Do you lock them up?" 

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou said softly, "what you're asking is if you have any chance of ever getting through to me." 

Subaru hung his head. "I-I suppose so, yes." 

"Why are you asking me this now?" Seishirou asked, confused. 

Subaru shrugged his thin shoulders. 

_He's starting to lose hope,_ Seishirou realized. _That means that he might give up soon and things can go back to the way they should be. _

He knew he should have felt satisfied, but instead there was only an aching sense of loss. 

As much as he didn't want to admit it, his life would be empty without Subaru. 

Best to tell the truth then, and give the younger man that one spark of hope. 

"They're bound," he finally said. "It's a spell performed by the parents at birth. They're held by bonds of 'jitsu that keep them from interfering with being the Sakurazukamori." 

"Oh," Subaru said, and Seishirou could see the hope blossoming in his eyes. _That means if I could reverse the spell . . . they might be set free . . . _

And Seishirou simply didn't have the heart to tell him that it would be impossible. The spell had held steady for twenty-five years, had been reinforced by years of training and being a cold-blooded assassin. Even if Subaru could manage to reverse it, the repercussions would be devastating, perhaps even enough to kill the older man. 

But that trembling that he felt now, whenever Subaru was near . . . didn't that speak to the fact that the spell was weakening? 

Seishirou didn't know. 

Subaru stood and cleared his place, dumping the dishes in the sink, then picked up Seishirou's and did the same. "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked quietly. 

"Sure," Seishirou said. _I'd like that, Subaru-kun . . . I'd like it very much. _

Subaru pulled his white trenchcoat on over his clothes and handed Seishirou his coat. The two of them walked out into the cool night air. Subaru shivered a little and Seishirou moved closer, putting his arm around the younger man's shoulders. Subaru wrapped his arm around Seishirou's waist and leaned his head on his shoulder, and for a while the two of them walked in silence, simply content to be with one another. 

Seishirou realized later that he was far too wrapped up in the Sumeragi's presence; what happened next might have been completely preventable, had he been paying attention. As it was, his instincts flared up with a sense of danger about two seconds before the gunshot. 

He knew it was aimed at him - who on earth would want to kill Subaru? - but it never hit him. There was nothing except a dull thud as Subaru's body crashed into his own, a sharp gasp of pain, and then a wave of dizziness as both of them fell to the ground in a tangled heap. There was that smell again, lavender and aftershave, but underneath it was the scent of blood. 

"Subaru-kun!" Seishirou quickly made it to his knees and scanned the area with his second sight, but the assassin, whoever he had been, was gone. Seishirou knelt next to Subaru, who was bleeding from a wound in his shoulder. Seishirou quickly estimated the height difference and where they had been standing and how much Subaru had moved. If that bullet had hit its intended target, it probably would have killed him. 

"Subaru-kun!" The Sumeragi's eyes were closed, he had obviously passed out. Seishirou looked at the wound and determined that it wasn't life threatening, it was too low to have broken his collarbone but too high to have punctured a lung. Seishirou took off his jacket and pressed it against the wound, trying to slow the blood loss. It probably wouldn't be good for Subaru, but he ought to be able to move him safely, without causing further damage. Seishirou checked for an exit wound and saw that there was one; the bullet wasn't still inside Subaru's body. This was both good and bad; though it meant that it wasn't still doing harm, Subaru was losing blood twice as fast. 

Seishirou scooped Subaru up in his arms and ran for a phone. 

**** 

_WAHAHAHAHA!!! CLIFFHANGER!!! ::coughs:: Erm, yeah. Sorry that this part is so short. I'll try to get more up soon._


	8. Chapter Eight

Part Eight 

Seishirou paced the waiting room, far more anxious than he would have liked to admit. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came out. Seishirou immediately demanded to know what was going on. His suspicions were confirmed; Subaru wasn't in danger of dying. "We've got an IV in replacing the blood he's lost, and for now that's about all we can do," the doctor said. "He should be awake by morning." 

"Can I see him?" Seishirou asked. 

"Sure, go ahead. He's in room 112." 

Seishirou thanked him and went to Subaru's room. The Sumeragi was pale but otherwise looked all right. As the doctor had said, there was an IV in, but that was all. His sweater and jeans were neatly folded on a chair, with his coat draped over the back. 

"Sir?" a nurse asked, poking her head into the room. "There was a letter in the pocket of his coat, addressed to Johnny." She eyed him skeptically; Seishirou didn't look like someone who would be named Johnny. "I put it in the desk drawer." 

Seishirou nodded. "I'll tell him." 

The nurse nodded back and left. Seishirou resisted the urge to read the letter himself. He told himself firmly that he respected Subaru's privacy, pulled the second chair over to the bed, and sat. _I'll just . . . wait here until he's awake,_ he thought, well aware of the irrationality of the decision and ignoring it. 

_It's not like it matters,_ his inner voice decided to have its say. _You've lost, you know it. You might as well give in with grace and be here when he wakes up. _

For once, Seishirou didn't argue with himself. He simply took Subaru's hand in his own and waited for the younger man to wake up. 

The next thing he knew, a nurse was shaking him. "Excuse me, Sakurazuka-san. It's time for the doctor to see your friend. You have to leave for now." 

"Of course," Seishirou muttered, pushing his disheveled hair out of his face and standing up. "What time is it?" 

"It's just past ten in the morning." 

Seishirou blinked. "I thought Subaru was going to be awake by now." 

"So did we," the nurse said. "You'll have to ask his doctor." 

Seishirou contented himself with that and waited outside until the doctor came out. "I thought Subaru would be awake by now?" 

"So did I," the doctor said. "I must admit I'm puzzled. His vital signs are stable, his blood level has returned to normal. There weren't any head injuries. There's really no reason why he wouldn't be awake yet." He gave Seishirou a reassuring smile. "But I'm sure he'll wake up soon. If you leave a number where we can reach you, we'll give you a call." 

"It's the same one that's on Subaru's admission forms," Seishirou replied distractedly. He realized he should go; he was going to be late for work. Not that he particularly cared. But he honestly couldn't sit in Subaru's hospital room all day waiting. He thanked the doctor and left, trying to deny how worried he really was. 

**** 

"Do you think I did the right thing?" 

"I don't know." Kakyou's voice was thoughtful. "I guess we'll have to wait and see if it actually works." 

"True enough." Subaru picked up a stick and started to draw lines in the sand. "When he got hurt for me, I thought the world had ended . . . I guess I'm hoping the same thing will happen to him." 

"Which is why you're still here?" Kakyou guessed. "Since you should have been awake about five hours ago?" 

"Might as well make him worry while I'm at it," Subaru confirmed. "I just wish I could be in both places at once. You know, see what was going on." 

"I could show you, if you like," Kakyou offered. 

Subaru brightened. "Sure." 

Kakyou closed his eyes for a second, and the Dreamscape dissolved in front of them to reveal Subaru's hospital room, empty except for the Sumeragi. Subaru drooped. "Guess he's not here." 

Kakyou shifted. "He's probably working." 

"Yes, I suppose he is," Subaru answered gloomily. 

"Well, you can't expect him to spend all his time here," Kakyou said, reasonably enough. 

"I know. I was just hoping." 

"Do you want to look again later?" 

"No, I'll just wait until I feel like waking up." 

"Until you're done moping?" 

Subaru shrugged. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle." 

Kakyou considered this. "Good point." 

"Hokuto's still quite irritated with you, you know." 

"I know." 

"I wish you would come out long enough so I could summon her and you could talk to her." 

Kakyou shrugged, obviously not about to risk Hokuto's wrath. "I don't think she wants to see me." 

"Don't be stupid. Of course she does." 

"So she can lecture me." 

Subaru thought about that for a minute. "I miss Hokuto," he finally said. "Right now, I think I would rather hear one of her lectures more than any sound in the world." 

"Except one," Kakyou corrected. 

Subaru glanced at him. 

"Seishirou speaking certain words?" Kakyou said. 

Subaru blushed a little. "Hai, except for that." 

"Well, I'll come out so I can see Hokuto one of these days," Kakyou said. 

"When you're done moping?" Subaru asked. 

"Yes." 

**** 

Seishirou took the hospital steps two and three at a time, certain that Subaru would have woken. He was carrying a bag of takeout food in one hand and had a bag of Subaru's clothes in the other. He was somewhat disconcerted when, upon entering the room, he found that Subaru's eyes were closed and his breathing deep and steady. The IV replacing his blood had been replaced by a different IV. 

He put down the two bags and went out to the nurse's station. "He's still asleep." 

The nurse looked at him nervously. "Yes." 

"Did he wake up at all today?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" Seishirou was starting to sound displeased. 

"We still don't know. The doctor's ordered some tests." 

"To check for what?" Seishirou tried not to sound nervous. 

"Unforseen injuries . . ." The nurse backed away a step from Seishirou's glare. "He could have hit his head when he fell . . ." 

"He fell on top of me. He was shoving me out of the way. There's no way he could have hit his head. Why isn't he awake?" 

"We don't know, sir," the nurse repeated, backing away another step. 

"I suggest you find out," Seishirou snapped, and turned to walk back into Subaru's room. He pulled the chair over and took out the food, then looked at it in distaste and let his head thud against the edge of Subaru's bed. "Why aren't you awake?" he muttered into the sheets. "Why did you have to take that stupid bullet for me anyway?" 

Subaru continued staring at the insides of his eyelids. 

"This is stupid," Seishirou muttered. He left the bags on the chair and left the room. _I can't just sit there until he wakes up,_ he tried to console himself. _I'm acting like a lovesick teenager. I'm going to go home and go to bed. _

He did so, and stared at the ceiling for most of the night. 

**** 

The phone rang about six times before it woke Seishirou out of the exhausted sleep he'd finally fallen into. He reached over and grabbed it, muttering half-heartedly, "Sakurazuka desu." 

"Ohayo," a very accented voice said. "Is Subaru there?" 

Seishirou shook himself awake, recognizing the voice. "No, he isn't. Is this Johnny?" 

"Yeah." 

"If you want to talk to Subaru, you're kind of out of luck. He's in the hospital." 

"Excuse me?" 

"There was an attack by an assassin. Subaru was hurt. He's in the hospital." 

"How badly hurt? What happened?" 

"He was shot. In the shoulder. He lost a lot of blood, but he's okay other than that. Except for the fact that he hasn't woken up yet and they're not sure why. There was a note for you in his pocket, but I didn't have your number so I couldn't let you know." 

"What hospital, what room?" 

Seishirou told him. 

"I'll probably see you there," Johnny said, and hung up. He grabbed his jacket and left his apartment. He went straight up to Subaru's room. Subaru looked very pale and rather pitiful. Johnny looked through the drawers until he found Subaru's note to him. 

"Dear Johnny, I know you're probably mad at me for doing this. But I think this might convince Seishirou-san that he loves me. Don't worry, I haven't woken up yet by my own choosing. I'll probably be out a few days, to make Seishirou-san worry. Please don't be angry." 

Johnny tossed the note into the trash. "You little jerk! You God damned little bastard! How could you do something so fucking stupid? You could've gotten killed! And for that slimy two-faced son of a bitch that killed your sister!" He was so mad that his hands were shaking. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

At this point Seishirou appeared in the doorway. Seeing that Johnny was busy yelling, he waited for him to finish. 

"You'd better get back here and talk to me, you little fucker! How could you be so stupid? Getting yourself shot for him, what the hell is that? Do you think this is going to make that bastard realize suddenly that he's in love with you, just because that's what happened to you? The man has no heart, you fuckhead!" He flopped into a chair. "This is why I don't make friends, you little - oh, hi, Sei-san." He looked over at the older man, completely unabashed by the fact that Seishirou had heard everything he'd said. 

"So I have no heart?" Seishirou asked, walking in. 

"Not that I can see or you would have admitted that you loved Subaru weeks ago. Then he wouldn't have had to do this. If he dies, it'll be your fault - and not because he took that stupid bullet for you. And I'll come after you." 

Seishirou blinked at him. "Subaru planned this, to make me fall in love with him?" 

"Oh, look who's a genius today," Johnny snapped. 

Seishirou walked over to Subaru and looked down at him. "I didn't mean for him to get hurt." 

"And that just makes it all better." 

Seishirou turned to Johnny and took his sunglasses off, looking the younger man in the eye. "Perhaps for Subaru it will." 

"Well, if you'd just pulled your head out of your ass two weeks ago, we wouldn't be having this problem!" 

Seishirou glared at him. "I don't need to defend myself to you. My reasons are none of your business." 

"Excuse me?" Johnny was looking truly furious. "You kill one of the few friends I have, then come close to killing her brother and one of my other few friends, who is madly in love with you for some unfathomable reason, and you're madly in love back but just too chickenshit to admit it, and now Hokuto's dead and Subaru almost got killed! And you're telling me it's none of my business and you don't have to defend yourself?" 

For the first time in his life, Seishirou was struck speechless. 

"God, you are so pathetic." Johnny folded his arms across his chest and dropped back into the chair. "Go away." 

"The reason I won't defend myself," Seishirou said in a very low voice, "is because I can't. It's because you're right. And there's nothing I can say to you." 

Johnny lifted his hands in the air. "It's a miracle!" 

Seishirou shot him a look that bordered on being dirty. 

"Aren't you saying this to the wrong person?" Johnny asked. 

"Yes. But Subaru's not paying attention right now. And I figured if I didn't say it to you, you might wring my neck." 

"A very astute assumption. But how do I know you're telling the truth?" 

Seishirou shrugged. "As long as Subaru believes me, I don't care what you think." 

Johnny peeled one of his gloves off, reached out and grabbed Seishirou's wrist. Seishirou let him take it, and stay that way for a long second with his eyes closed before he let go. 

"Do you believe me?" 

"Yes. And Subaru may be paying attention, you know." 

"Good point. In that case, do you mind leaving, now that you've yelled at him? I'd like to spend a little time with him." 

"Sure." Johnny stood and turned to Subaru. "I'll be back later, you little jerk." And he turned and walked out of the room. 

Seishirou thudded into a chair. "Subaru-kun, if you're listening, it's time to wake up." 

No such luck. 

_If you wake up, I'll admit I love you,_ Seishirou's inner voice piped up. 

Seishirou squashed it back down. _Bribery is hardly fair. _

Like you care about what's fair, it responded. 

Seishirou took a deep breath and said something he thought he would never say. "Please?" 

Still nothing. 

"That's not fair, I said please," Seishirou said, completely disgusting himself with how pathetic he sounded. "You got what you wanted; you're supposed to wake up now." 

Still not working. 

"Subaru-kun . . ." Seishirou tried taking the younger man's hand. He couldn't think of anything to say, at least, not anything that he was willing to say out loud to an unconscious person. 

He gave up and started to pace around the room. It was stuffy, so he cracked open one of the windows. He looked outside and saw a clock on the building facing the hospital. It was almost noon. 

_I'm late for work,_ he realized. _Oh, forget it, I'm so late that I'm not even going to go. I guess I should call. _

He sighed and slumped back into the chair, where he promptly fell asleep. 

**** 

Seishirou was roused by the nurse again at dinner. _This cannot become a habit,_ he reflected with a sigh. "Subaru-kun, wake up. That's a direct order." 

"And who do you think you are to order me around?" Subaru asked. 

Seishirou nearly fell out of the chair. "You're awake!" 

"Yeah, I woke up a few hours ago." Subaru smiled. "But my Seishirou-san is so cute sleeping that I didn't want to disturb you." 

"Jerk," Seishirou said mildly. "By the way, Johnny's on the warpath." 

"Define warpath," Subaru said nervously. 

"Well, last time he was here he started yelling at the both of us. Primarily you, though he let me have my share of it too." 

"What was he yelling?" 

"Oh, vague things about how you planned this to make me fall in love with you?" Seishirou raised an eyebrow. 

"Uhh . . ." Subaru began to stammer. "S-Sort of . . . did it work?" 

Seishirou just looked at him. 

"No, I don't suppose so," Subaru said miserably. 

"I still can't believe you tried something so stupid," Seishirou said. "When I'm over my disbelief, then I'll think through the greater meaning of your actions." 

"Seishirou-san, I hate you." 

"Now that I don't believe for a moment. Do you want dinner?" 

"The nurses brought mine already. I'm sorry about ruining your sweater." 

"I assure you that my sweater isn't what had me worried." 

Subaru looked at him shyly. "You were worried?" 

"Well, you were in an unexplainable coma for two days. That's enough to make anyone worry, including all the doctors." 

Subaru drooped. "Can we go home?" 

"Certainly not. You're not well enough yet." 

Subaru looked down distastefully at the IV. "I want to go home anyway." 

"Too bad. You shouldn't have gotten shot. So indulge my curiosity for a second. Did you actually set up the attempted 'assassination' and everything?" 

Subaru's blush was answer enough. 

"How?" Seishirou asked. 

"Kakyou-san helped me . . . with his father in the government he knows about that sort of thing." 

"I thought Kakyou was a friend of Hokuto's." 

"He was." 

"So why is he helping you in your . . . search for my affection?" 

"Because I asked him to." 

"Is that why Johnny is helping you, too?" 

Subaru blinked. 

"It came up in our conversation that he'd been friends with Hokuto," Seishirou said. 

"Oh. Well, yes." 

"He's certainly an expert in . . . certain matters." 

Subaru just smiled. 

"So you're recruiting Hokuto's friends for this." Seishirou frowned, obviously confused. "One would think that they wouldn't be eager to help." 

Subaru shrugged as best he could. _Making you love me is some of the best revenge I can think of, Seishirou-san . . . too bad it isn't working. _

"I think I'd better go get some dinner, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, standing up. 

_Not working at all. _

"I'll come back and visit before work tomorrow morning." 

_Okay, so Seishirou is a dink. Not my fault._


	9. Chapter Nine

_WARNING!!! WARNING WARNING WARNING!! THIS PART CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!! OR IF YOU DO, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME!!! Eheh. _

Part Nine

Due to the fact that Seishirou had to make up for missing a day's work, and the fact that he'd been neglecting the Tree lately and it started to make him pay for it by working long nights, Seishirou's visits over the next few days were brief and uninteresting. Subaru wanted to cry. 

The doctors insisted on keeping him in the hospital well past when his shoulder was mostly healed. They were worried that he might relapse, since they never figured out what had caused the coma, and Subaru couldn't exactly tell them he was vacationing at the oceanside with a friend. 

Johnny came in the next day and promptly ripped Subaru's head off. Subaru just sat there cringing through the entire thing, then offered a hesitant apology. Johnny replied to that with "Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for." 

Subaru just shrugged. It was almost two weeks before he got home. He still had to be careful with his arm, but had regained most of his ability to move it. He spent the first week at home moping, doing absolutely nothing to attempt to gain Seishirou's 'affection.' He didn't even cook. Seishirou, for his part, was concerned. Subaru was hard to deal with when he got into a funk. 

_Maybe I could just give him a little encouragement, _Seishirou thought._ Then again, if I do that, I'm doing exactly what I got mad at him for: leading him on. That's unacceptable. _

At this point, his inner voice piped up, _it's all or nothing. Either get over yourself and admit you're in love with him, or . . . never mind, there is no 'or.' Just get over yourself and admit you're in love with him._

He sighed slightly, looking out over Tokyo. Subaru was reading on the sofa, or at least pretending to read. 

_I don't know how to tell him, _he thought. _It goes against everything I am. _

It had happened nonetheless. 

Seishirou smiled wistfully. _You were right all along, Subaru-kun . . . I made this bet because I wanted to lose. I wanted you to prove me wrong. I wanted you to make me feel. And you won._

His smile widened. _And so did I. _

"Subaru-kun . . ." 

"Nani?" Subaru glanced up from the book he had been staring at, lost in his own thoughts. 

Seishirou walked over, sitting down on the sofa next to him. "You risked your life to make me love you." 

"Yes." Subaru looked down. Other than that first day in the hospital, this was the only time they had talked about it. 

"I mean that much to you?" Seishirou asked quietly. 

"Yes," Subaru repeated, his voice only a breath, the thinnest of whispers. 

"Why?" Seishirou asked. 

"Because . . . I love you." 

"Is that what love is?" Seishirou asked curiously, taking off his sunglasses and putting them on the endtable. "When the other person means . . . everything to you?" 

"Yes," Subaru said for the third time. "That's part of what love is." 

Seishirou thought about this for a second. _When I wake up in the morning, I look forward to seeing . . . him. I think about him all the time. I want . . . I want to make him happy._ Seishirou tried to wrap his mind around this strange series of thoughts and couldn't. _He's the only thing in my life that holds any importance to me. _

He is . . . everything. 

"Subaru-kun . . ." 

"I'm sorry," Subaru suddenly blurted, eyes glued to the floor. "I know it was wrong of me to try to make me love you. I should have seen you for what you were, and given up. But I couldn't . . . I just . . . couldn't . . . let you go . . ." 

"Is that what you think of me?" Seishirou asked, surprised and a little bit angry. "As what I am?" 

Subaru looked up at him with horribly wounded eyes and whispered, "You've never given me reason to think differently . . ." 

Seishirou thought back on that and realized that the Sumeragi was right. When, in the months that Subaru had lived with him, had he ever given the younger man any encouragement at all, except that one night on the sofa? 

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say. 

Subaru blinked. "You're what?" 

Seishirou closed his eyes and gave up. "Subaru-kun . . . I lost." 

He heard Subaru's sharp intake of breath, then nothing. 

"I've known for weeks now . . . before you even got hurt. You didn't have to do that . . . or maybe you did, so I would admit it. But I lost. I feel. I care." He raised his eyes to Subaru's. "And I'm glad." 

"You . . ." Subaru raised one hand to his mouth and let out a strangled whimper. Then, before Seishirou had even entirely realized what he'd just said, Subaru flung his arms around the older man's neck, knocking both of them backwards. 

Seishirou realized with shock that Subaru was crying. Bewildered, he lifted one hand to smooth the Sumeragi's hair. "Subaru-kun . . . what's wrong?" 

"I can't believe it worked," Subaru sobbed into Seishirou's shirt. "Oh God, I can't believe it actually worked." 

Seishirou hugged him tightly, lying flat on his back on the sofa with Subaru sheltered in his arms on top of him. "I'm sorry, Subaru-kun," he finally said. "I'm sorry for everything. I love you." 

Subaru pulled away abruptly and stared down at him. "But how do I know . . .?" 

Seishirou winced. He'd known that it would eventually come down to this. And what reason had he ever given Subaru to believe him? 

"Let me Within you," Subaru said. 

"Huh?" Seishirou asked inelegantly. 

"Let me Within you," Subaru repeated, putting his hands on either side of Seishirou's face. "Let me see you. Prove to me that you trust me. That you're telling the truth." 

"Subaru-kun, I do love you," Seishirou said softly. "But if you go Within me, you may not like what you see." 

"I know." Subaru smiled weakly. "But I'm willing to risk anything . . . for you." 

Seishirou hesitated. 

"Please?" Subaru asked softly. 

"All right," Seishirou said, just as softly. "But be careful." 

Subaru nodded once, then closed his eyes and began to chant. 

**** 

_Author's Note: I'd just like to insert here and point out that I wish I could make references to X/99 here, but I can't because it hasn't happened yet. Subaru went Within Kamui and saw what I presumed to be Kamui's true self, i. e. a child. So I'm assuming it would work the same thing here, so you all get to see what I think the real Seishirou is like! Cool, huh? Or not. Anyway, this reminds me to bring up the point Karasu made: namely, what the hell are they going to do about X/99? Well, my theory is that Seishirou will probably stick to Subaru's side since Subaru definitely won't go to Seishirou's. And Kakyou probably will too. So the Angels would probably lose. Whee! I'm glad now. ::sticks tongue out at Fuuma and runs off to dance:: _

Subaru's first thought was that Johnny was extremely good at what he did, and not the part he got paid for. 

Seishirou's inner barriers were a simple barren landscape. There were rivers of ice water and crooked sakura trees. Cold wind. And the trees were bleeding human blood. 

Subaru shivered and kept walking. There were shards of broken glass littering the ground. Subaru kicked some of it, and it fell into the river with a splash. The water seemed to take on a life of its own, leaping up to try to grab Subaru and pull him in. 

_Inner defenses,_ Subaru thought vaguely, and backed away quickly. The air smelled like sakura and blood, that cloying, sickeningly sweet smell. Subaru could barely breathe through it. He walked faster. 

He came to a wall of glass that was starting to break. He traced a pentagram on it, chanted a little, and the wall shattered. He stepped through it carefully. 

It was warmer in this new section of Seishirou's heart. And the smell was gone. Not gone, changed. It smelled like lavender. 

_Like me,_ Subaru realized. 

But there was something more . . . lavender and . . . 

Seishirou's aftershave? 

_It's us,_ Subaru thought. _The two of us together. He holds this close to his heart. _

That thought pleased him, and he kept walking. It wasn't long before he got to the inner barrier, the one that kept everyone from reaching Seishirou's inner self, from who he really was. 

Subaru traced a pentagram on it and chanted again, but it didn't work. 

He swore softly and looked at it for a long second. He had to get beyond it, or else he would never find out the truth. 

And Seishirou would never be free. 

He traced the fading pentagram again, then leaned forward and kissed the very center of it, nearly sealing his lips to the freezing surface. "Let me in, Seishirou-san . . . I love you." 

The wall shimmered for a second, then dissolved into dust. 

Subaru kept walking until he found Seishirou. 

Then stopped. 

_Why wasn't I expecting this? _

Seishirou was hanging by his wrists, a single rope that stretched up into eternity. Subaru looked up, but his eyes lost track of it before he could see where it ended. Seishirou was bound and gagged, and his two matching brown eyes stared at Subaru. His entire body seemed wrapped in lengths of rope and chains. His feet dangled a few inches above the ground. 

_This is . . . the real Seishirou-san . . . _

"They're bound. It's a spell performed by the parents at birth. They're held by bonds of 'jitsu that keep them from interfering with being the Sakurazukamori." 

"Well, this just has to go," Subaru informed him. 

_You can't. _

Seishirou was gagged, but Subaru could hear his voice anyway. "I can't?" 

_It's too dangerous . . . a spell like that could backlash . . . I could be killed, or you could. _

"But if I could break it," Subaru protested, "you would be free. We could be . . . together. The way it's supposed to be. I'm willing to risk that. But only . . . if you are." 

_You're breaking it just by being near me,_ Seishirou thought to him. _I used to be blindfolded, too. But that left . . . with you._

"Let me try," Subaru said. 

Seishirou just looked at him. 

"Are you scared?" Subaru asked quietly. 

_Yes,_ Seishirou admitted. 

"It's okay," Subaru said. "There's nothing wrong with being frightened. But don't you want to be free?" 

Seishirou looked up, his eyes traveling along the length of rope. _Yes. I do. _

"Then trust me." 

_I trust you. _

"Let me try." 

_All right. _

Subaru smiled, folded his hands into prayer position, and began to chant. The rope hanging above Seishirou dissolved, sending the older man tumbling to the ground. Subaru hastened to catch him and keep him from falling too hard. Then he knelt over him and continued to chant. He reached over and began to untie the ropes as he did so. It got easier as the spell unraveled further, even if they were hopelessly tangled around Seishirou. The more Subaru untied them, the more they dissolved, until they were finally gone. 

_It's done . . ._ Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Seishirou-san? Daijoubu?" 

Seishirou half-sat up, propping himself up on his elbows. "My head aches," he said vaguely. 

Subaru looked down at Seishirou's wrists, rubbed raw and bleeding from the ropes. "But you're free." 

"Hai . . ." Seishirou's eyes were confused. "I guess I am." 

**** 

The energy ran out of Subaru like water and he collapsed on top of Seishirou; the older man wrapped an arm around him slowly, as if he was in a dream. The world spun around Subaru; he closed his eyes and waited for it to steady. Seishirou was trying to sort out the tangled flood of emotions that had surged through him when Subaru had finished his spell. 

"Well," he finally said, voice hoarse, "we're not dead." 

Subaru let out a trembling laugh into his shoulder. 

"Are you all right?" Seishirou asked. 

Subaru moaned a little, and that was all. 

Seishirou felt concern flood over him and was nearly sick. The world paled before his eyes and he hung onto reality, trying not to be swept away by the rush of emotion. "There's so much . . ." he heard himself say, and it hurt. He didn't know why, but it hurt deep inside of him, and somehow it was a good hurt. A clean hurt, as if Subaru had cut him open and taken out something that was rotting inside of him. Still, his head was spinning, his mental defenses trying to cope with what they'd never had to cope with before. Love, grief, joy, sorrow, excitement, pain, regret, desire, fear, anger, everything. Every emotion that had ever been felt, crammed into one little package and let free in his brain; twenty-five years being lived in twenty-five seconds. Seishirou breathed deeply, trying to steady himself. 

"Seishirou-san . . ." Subaru managed to lift his head a little, magical backlash sending lightning bolts of pain through his head. "Are you . . . okay?" 

"I think so . . ." Seishirou looked up at Subaru and a wave of gratitude and love threatened to engulf him. He swallowed hard. "Though I don't think I have the hang of this quite yet . . . are you?" 

"No . . . but I'll live . . ." Subaru lifted one shaking hand and rubbed his eyes. "You were right about the backlash . . . I'm glad it backlashed onto me and not you, though . . . you have enough to deal with right now." 

"That's certainly true," Seishirou said. 

"Did you know what was inside you?" Subaru asked quietly. 

Seishirou shrugged. "In a technical way, yes. But it never mattered . . . until you came." 

Subaru rested his aching head on Seishirou's shoulder. "I love you, Seishirou-san." 

"I know, Subaru-kun . . ." Seishirou closed his eyes and for once let the flow of emotion take him. "I love you too." 

**** 

_Author's Note: Good God, that is so sweet . . . Hm, 12:25 A. M. . . I'm going to bed. _

Author's Note Part Two: It's now been at least a week since I wrote any of this . . . I barely remember what I had planned, and I'm really tired. Ugh. By the way, my father the doctor has informed me that my biology is a little off in that scene where Subaru gets shot . . . ::sighs:: and I thought I planned it so nicely, but Dad said something about severing arteries . . . so, if this was real life, Subaru probably would've been much more hurt than he really was, but it's a fanfic and I don't feel like redoing the scene, so you'll all have to live with my laziness. At least I'm being honest. ^_~

Subaru was in bed for the next two days recovering, much to Seishirou's extreme concern and dismay. Seishirou called in sick to work and told the Tree quite firmly that he wasn't going to do any work as the Sakurazukamori until he had a hold on himself again. Surprisingly enough, the Tree seemed to agree and didn't argue. Seishirou realized at that point that what Subaru had done must have been irreversible - or else the Tree certainly would've been trying to reverse it. 

It made sense, though; as an infant his emotions were extremely limited. It was easy to put a spell on them to contain them. Now that he was a grown man, with an entire set of powerful emotions, it wouldn't be possible again. The spell was broken, and there was no way to bind his feelings again. 

He decided over the first pack of cigarettes that this was a good thing, though it was going to have distinct drawbacks. For one thing, he had no idea how he was going to keep doing his job. That was probably why the Tree wasn't bothering him; it wouldn't do for him to have a fit of conscience while in the middle of committing a murder. The other, as he would quickly find out, was that it left him far more susceptible to emotional pain. 

He was anxious over Subaru, but the Sumeragi had reassured him that he would be fine, before he'd passed out and slept for ten hours without twitching. By the time Subaru got out of bed again, Seishirou had mostly figured out how to have emotions without it knocking him over every time they spoke up. 

"You can't feel everything at full force," Subaru told him from where he was wrapped in blankets on the couch with a mug of tea. "It would kill you. If you hurt someone's feelings, say, you can't take that to heart unless it's someone you really care for and it really was your fault. There's a million and one factors that go into everything." 

Then he had fallen asleep again. 

Johnny came by to visit once during Subaru's time as an invalid. Seishirou politely went to his bedroom to allow them some time to talk. After about an hour, he came out to get some tea. Johnny was pulling on his jacket. "You leaving?" 

"Yeah," Johnny said. "Subaru fell asleep again." 

"I'm assuming he told you everything that happened." 

"Yeah," he repeated. He put on his shoes and then gave Seishirou a long, level look. Then he nodded briefly. "Take care of him." 

And he turned and walked out the door. 

Seishirou just shook his head and made tea. 

Subaru was up and about and back to his normal self the next day. "I think Johnny still doesn't like me," Seishirou said, pulling out a chair for Subaru at dinner. 

Subaru shrugged. "He was a friend of Hokuto's. And if Johnny hates anything, it's cowards." 

"He thinks I'm a coward?" 

"He thought you were a coward. He's reluctantly owned up to the fact that you're more than he gave you credit for." Subaru smiled. "I think he said something about how he guessed he could see why I was in love with you." 

Seishirou half-smiled. "He should clue me in. I'm still lost." 

Subaru smirked. "My Seishirou-san is admitting to being confused? That has to be a first." 

Seishirou shrugged. "I don't know why you're in love with me, Subaru-kun." 

Subaru tapped the edge of his tea mug silently, thinking. Eventually he just grinned and said, "Me neither." 

Seishirou face-faulted, then quickly recovered. "Then we're an ill-matched pair, Subaru-kun . . . I know exactly why I love you." 

"Well, to keep things even, you'd better not tell me," Subaru said, putting a finger over his lips. 

Seishirou laughed. "All right, I'll keep it to myself." 

The rest of dinner passed in peace, until the very end, when Seishirou decided that a blushing Subaru and a stammered "S-S-Seishirou-saaaaan!" would do a great deal to restore his peace of mind. So he leaned over so he was very close to the Sumeragi and said, "There's just one thing I don't understand, Subaru-kun . . ." 

"And what's that?" Subaru asked skeptically. 

"Why are you still sleeping on the sofa?" 

Predictably, Subaru turned the color of a tomato. But he didn't stammer. He just lowered his eyes and said, "Seishirou-san, I thought you'd never ask . . ." 

Seishirou laughed, leaning backwards. "Subaru-kun, you amaze me." 

"I know." Subaru grinned. "But you know what they say. Ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer." 

"I didn't think your answer was stupid," Seishirou said. "I thought it was . . . intriguing." 

"Very elegant, Seishirou-san." 

"You still haven't answered it, though." 

"What if I said I prefer the sofa?" 

"You'd be lying, and I know it." 

"Your arrogance hasn't changed, has it." 

"Not a bit," Seishirou answered. "Are you going to answer me or not?" 

"I'm still sleeping on the sofa because I've felt terrible the past few nights. Magical backlash and all." 

"And are you feeling terrible now?" Seishirou was inching closer. 

"Not quite as terrible . . ." Subaru watched him with a tiny smile. 

"Terrible enough to sleep on the sofa again?" Seishirou asked, leaning close to him and speaking directly into his ear, flicking his tongue over it. 

Subaru couldn't help but jump, startled, but recovered quickly. "I don't think that would be necessary, no . . . if someone else was prepared to offer something better . . ." 

"Subaru-kun, you really are a little tease, you know that?" 

"Of course I know that, Seishirou-san." 

Seishirou looked pained. "And must you persist in using that honorific? I hardly find it appropriate." 

Subaru shrugged. "It's habit." 

"Learn some new habits, then." 

Subaru looked up with a glint in his eyes. "I'd think I'd learned enough new habits for now. The habit of being a tease, for example." 

"Ah, but I like that habit in you. To a point, that is. It's very cute." 

"Cute?" 

"All right, maybe cute's not quite the right word." 

"Mm hmm." 

"Now the point is - " 

"Oh, there was a point to this?" 

Seishirou ignored him. "The point is, for one thing, stop using the honorific, and for another, stop being a tease." 

"And how do I do that?" 

"Subaru-kun, are you sleeping on the sofa or not?" 

Subaru smiled. 

That was all the encouragement Seishirou needed. He leaned close again, and was somewhat perturbed when his lips landed on empty space as Subaru suddenly stood. He cleared his throat and looked upward questioningly at where the Sumeragi had started to clear the table. 

"Nani?" Subaru asked innocently, dumping the dishes in the sink. "We can't leave all this here." 

Seishirou attempted to strangle his frustration. "You do this on purpose, don't you." 

Subaru shrugged his thin shoulders. Seishirou watched them shift under the silk shirt he had 'borrowed.' "I said I wasn't sleeping on the sofa. But it's only eight o'clock in the evening. It's hardly time for bed yet." 

Seishirou considered this perfectly logical and incredibly frustrating point. "You know what, Subaru-kun?" 

"What?" 

"I don't care." He grabbed Subaru around the waist and started to pull him down the hall. Subaru just laughed. 

"You're too impatient," he informed the older man once they were safely inside the bedroom. 

"You've been torturing me for weeks. Months. I claim the right to be impatient." He crossed the room to stand in front of Subaru and put an arm around the younger man's waist. "Besides, you said you'd stop being a tease." With that, he lowered his lips to Subaru's. 

Subaru closed his eyes and held perfectly still as Seishirou kissed him, for one second terrified of waking up to find it had all been a dream. But the warmth of Seishirou's lips pressed against his was to real to be denied. He slid his arms around Seishirou's waist and clung to him desperately. His lips parted slightly, but Seishirou pulled away. Subaru's entire body flinched at the sudden chill. "What's wrong?" 

Seishirou looked down at him, meeting his eyes. (The sunglasses having long ago been abandoned.) Then he reached up with one finger and traced Subaru's jaw. "You're sure . . . that you want to do this?" 

Subaru nearly melted at Seishirou's concern for him. He opened his mouth to say yes, of course, but the words caught in his throat. "I-I don't know." 

Seishirou ran his fingers through Subaru's hair. "Just let me know . . . if you want me to stop . . ." 

Subaru nodded, then pulled Seishirou down for another kiss. The height difference between them had decreased quite a bit, making it easier. Subaru reached up, draping his arms around Seishirou's neck and keeping the older man pulled close to him. Seishirou pushed his lips gently against Subaru's, sliding his tongue inside. Subaru let out a tiny moan and pushed himself closer against Seishirou. Then he started to pull away, blushing, as his hips pressed against Seishirou's. Even through the jeans he was wearing, the contact made him shiver. Seishirou glanced at him, concerned, then realized that his actions were caused by embarrassment, not fear. He smirked and pulled Subaru back to him, very deliberately pushing their hips together. Subaru forgot about being embarrassed and moaned, his fingers clutching at Seishirou's shirt. 

Seishirou's lips found his again and Subaru let him in, kissing back desperately. Seishirou started to unbutton Subaru's shirt, taking his time over each button, apparently seeing no reason to rush now that he finally had the Sumeragi in his arms. Subaru shivered as Seishirou finished with the last button and pushed the shirt backwards off his shoulders, then hooked his fingers under the T-shirt he'd been wearing underneath it. Subaru whimpered as Seishirou's fingers ran up his sides, pulling the shirt over his head. It dropped to the floor, unnoticed, as Seishirou traced patterns on Subaru's back and chest, exploring every inch of the Sumeragi's smooth skin. 

"S-Seishirou-san . . ." Subaru managed as Seishirou's lips left his. 

"Nani?" Seishirou asked, brushing his lips against Subaru's neck. 

Subaru gasped for breath. He realized he had no idea of what he'd been about to say. "Don't stop . . ." 

Seishirou laughed softly, right into Subaru's ear. "It only gets better, Subaru-kun." He flicked his tongue over the Sumeragi's earlobe, then nibbled on it gently. Subaru responded to that by starting to fumble with Seishirou's shirt, managing somehow to get it pushed over Seishirou's head. He put his hands tentatively on Seishirou's lower back, determined to return the pleasure that Seishirou's caresses had caused. He was inexperienced, but a fast learner, carefully noting down what seemed sensitive and returning to it. Seishirou let out a soft gasp as Subaru's fingers slid down his chest and trailed over his stomach. 

Seishirou took a few steps forward, guiding Subaru over to the bed and gently pushing him down onto it. He settled himself carefully over the Sumeragi, leaning down for another kiss. Subaru twined both of his hands into Seishirou's hair, trying to keep his fingers from clenching down. Seishirou pulled away a little and moved downwards, kissing Subaru's shoulders and chest. Subaru moaned as Seishirou's lips brushed over one of his nipples, then moaned louder as the older man started to suck on it. 

While Subaru was completely distracted, Seishirou managed to unbutton Subaru's jeans, sliding them and his underwear off. Subaru let out another little gasp and closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to see Seishirou's face. After a moment, though, he cracked them open to see Seishirou looking down admiringly. "Seishirou-san?" he asked questioningly, unable to raise his voice above a whisper, his cheeks turning bright red. 

Seishirou leaned down so his lips were next to Subaru's ear. "Subaru-kun . . . you're even more beautiful than I had imagined . . ." 

Subaru's blush deepened. 

"Are you sure?" Seishirou persisted. 

Subaru looked up and met Seishirou's eyes. "Yeah," he said, and he was. He smiled. "Please . . . Seishirou-san . . . I want to feel . . ." 

Seishirou kissed him gently, then whispered, "But I should get a little payback first, right?" 

"Nani?" Subaru asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Seishirou pouted adorably. "You've hardly been fair to me these past weeks . . ." Before Subaru could make him say anything else, he leaned down and kissed him again. One of his hands slid downward, over Subaru's chest, then stomach, then lower. It traced over Subaru's hip, then down his leg. Subaru's fingers dug into Seishirou's back as his hand came around to slide up his inner thigh. Then his hand moved outward, purposefully avoiding the more sensitive areas. Subaru moaned. 

"Seishirou-san, you're such a bastard . . ." 

Seishirou chuckled, repeating the action on Subaru's other side. Subaru pulled his mouth away from Seishirou's long enough to say, "If you don't . . . stop that . . . I'll . . ." 

"You'll what?" Seishirou asked, smirking, moving his fingers so they just barely brushed over Subaru's manhood. 

Subaru whimpered, having completely forgotten what he was going to say. Seishirou's lips moved downwards, kissing his way down Subaru's chest, then stomach. Subaru took in a ragged, gasping breath as Seishirou's tongue flicked over his arousal. "Oh God . . ." 

Seishirou took pity on him. He wrapped his fingers around the base of Subaru's erection and took it into his mouth. Subaru cried out and his hips jerked upwards, pushing himself deeper into Seishirou's mouth. Seishirou pulled back. "And you say I'm impatient." 

Subaru moaned and his hips jumped upwards again. Seishirou smirked and leaned down again to finish what he'd started. He began a rhythm with his mouth. Subaru pushed up against him every time he dipped down. 

_No . . . not yet . . . _Seishirou removed his mouth, causing Subaru to whimper in disappointment. _And why the hell am I still wearing my pants? _

Subaru had apparently had similar thoughts; his hands came up and awkwardly tried to undo Seishirou's belt. _Should've done this while we could still think . . . _a corner of his mind reflected absently. He finally managed to get rid of the offending belt and, from there, Seishirou's pants. His hands took hold of Seishirou's boxers and tugged on them. Seishirou's hands closed over his and pushed them downwards. He lifted himself up a little and managed to kick them off. Subaru tried not to stare, but it was a lost cause. Seishirou smirked again, lowering himself down onto the Sumeragi. He pressed his lips against Subaru's and let out a surprised moan as Subaru's graceful fingers found his manhood. He hadn't realized Subaru would be that forward . . . not that he was complaining. He could barely keep his breath as Subaru's fingers moved up and down his length. Then they were gone, and Seishirou managed to get air into his lungs again. He looked down at Subaru, who had a faint smile on his face. 

Seishirou kissed him again, deeper than before, and one hand fumbled for his dresser and the massage oil he kept in the top drawer. (He had started keeping it there after he and Subaru had come to their 'understanding,' in the hopes that it would reach this conclusion quickly.) He managed to find it and pour some of it onto his fingers. Distracting Subaru with his tongue, he reached down and gently pushed one finger into him. 

Subaru let out a small cry, and nearly bit down on Seishirou's tongue. He ended the kiss quickly and whispered, "It's okay . . . it'll stop hurting . . . after a minute . . ." He moved the finger cautiously, then added a second, looking for a particular spot. A sudden gasp from Subaru let him know that he'd found it. He very carefully added a third finger, then pulled them out. Subaru was as ready as he'd ever be. 

He applied some of the oil to his erection, then leaned up to kiss Subaru again. "Are you ready?" he gasped out. 

Subaru kissed back fiercely. "Seishirou-san . . . please . . . I'm ready . . ." 

Seishirou carefully positioned himself, then slowly pushed into him. Subaru let out another gasping cry. It hurt, but there was pleasure underneath the pain. He grit his teeth, fists clenching down on the blankets beneath him, as Seishirou thrust inside him. After Seishirou was sure Subaru was all right, he pulled out a little, then pushed in as Subaru's hips rocked up against his. He angled carefully as the friction began to build between the two of them, making Subaru cry out again. 

Seishirou knew he was close, but pushed the hormones down. He reached down and took Subaru's length between his fingers, moving his hand in a rhythm that was growing steadily faster. He could hear Subaru gasping for breath. "S-Seishirou-san . . ." Everything was hazy. He couldn't see; he could only feel. Seishirou's hand on him was enough to send him over the edge. 

Seishirou gasped out Subaru's name as he let go. The rhythm slowed and stopped. Seishirou caught himself with one hand before his body went limp and eased himself down. "Subaru-kun . . ." 

Subaru's breathing was ragged and his cheeks were still vaguely blushing, but he had a faint smile on his eyes. 

"Ai shiteru, Subaru-kun . . ." 

Subaru smiled and pushed Seishirou's hair out of his eyes. "I know. I love you too." 

*** 

_And, um, yeah. The fic isn't over yet, folks. I have some more stuff in store for our heroes._


	10. Chapter Ten

_Eheh... here's where the angst comes in, everyone... ::slight grin:: No killing me, please. And I *know* this part is really short, but it's all I could manage for this time. And the cliffhanger is awful._

Subaru couldn't sleep. 

He didn't know why he couldn't sleep, and this bothered him. Seishirou had certainly dropped off quickly enough. Subaru shivered a little and nestled closer to the warmth that Seishirou next to him provided. Then he rolled over and looked at the older man. His face was perfectly calm and peaceful in sleep. And self-satisfied. 

A smile tugged at Subaru's lips. 

It had been something, he would admit that . . . almost . . . perfect. 

He hadn't really imagined what it would be like, mostly because he hadn't expected it would ever happen. He wasn't a child anymore, but somehow he hadn't realized how, after it had happened, he would be much more reluctant to put the second part of his plan into action. 

He shivered again and closed his eyes. 

From the beginning, he'd had a plan, and he hadn't told anybody. Not a soul. Not even his sister. He was certain that his overly genki sister wouldn't approve of his plan for revenge. 

_It's what he did to you that matters. _

He hadn't told Johnny, either. He wasn't sure why. He just had a suspicion that Johnny wouldn't like it either. Johnny didn't seem the type that would go for suicide missions, even if it was only emotional suicide. 

He had a suspicion that Kakyou had figured it out, if only because in his early visits to the Dreamwalker, he hadn't been terribly discreet. But Kakyou didn't seem to care, and why would he? He hated Seishirou almost as much as Subaru did. Only Kakyou didn't have the problem of being in love with him at the same time. 

Subaru opened his eyes and studied Seishirou pensively. 

_I'm sorry, Subaru-kun. I'm sorry for everything. I love you._

How many times had he wanted to hear those words from Seishirou's lips? He'd risked everything for it. Risked his life, his mind, and his soul. 

And pretty much lost two out of the three. 

_I belong to you, Seishirou-san . . . heart, mind, body, and soul. And there's nothing I can do about it. Because I tried. Oh God, I tried so hard to stop loving you in those two months._

And Seishirou slept on, completely oblivious to the fact that Subaru was still awake and torturing himself. 

_This won't work, Seishirou-san. How could it? I love you, but I hate you. I can't forgive you for what you did. _

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, but he didn't fall asleep until almost dawn. 

*** 

The next two days passed in peace while Subaru tried to regain his nerve. Seishirou continued to be completely, blissfully unaware that anything was wrong. After two days, Subaru finally got himself back together and put the last step of his plan into action. First of all, he packed up all his things and moved them back to his own flat while Seishirou was at work. Then all he could think to do was sit on the sofa he'd slept on for so long and stare at the floor. 

He was thinking of Hokuto. 

Not so much of Hokuto, but of how things had been. 

His fists clenched in anger, thin fingers digging into his palms. He had been happy. And innocent. So innocent. 

_You had no right to take that from me, Seishirou-san. No matter how much you wanted to feel. You won your little ploy to learn how to feel. I'm the one who got screwed. I lost everything. _

The door opened. "Tadaima, Subaru-kun," Seishirou called out. He was in an exceedingly good mood. He noticed right away that Subaru's things were no longer there. This didn't alarm him offhand, however. Just the day before the two of them had been discussing moving them into the bedroom, and Seishirou assumed that Subaru had done so. 

His first cue that something was wrong was when Subaru didn't answer him. He frowned, toeing off his shoes and hanging up his coat next to the Sumeragi's. He glanced into the kitchen as he walked past it; but it was dark and empty. There was nothing cooked. Frowning even more, he went into the living room. Subaru was sitting on the sofa with his elbows on his knees, and his chin resting in his hands. 

"Konban wa," Seishirou said uncertainly. "Is something wrong, Subaru-kun?" 

"This," Subaru said, glancing up at Seishirou. "This is wrong." 

Seishirou blinked at him. "What's 'this'?" 

"Seishirou, don't be stupid." 

Seishirou continued to blink, taken aback both by the sharpness in Subaru's voice, and the lack of honorific. "I must admit I'm confused." He looked around the empty room. "You moved your things." 

"Yes." 

"Where to, may I ask?" Seishirou was damned if this was going to let this throw him off kilter. If Subaru was going to get in a funk, fine. Seishirou would just yank him out of it. He'd done it before. 

"Back to my apartment." 

"And why did you do that?" 

Subaru finally looked at him, then stood and faced him. His voice was perfectly neutral, and his eyes blank, shielding what he was feeling. "Seishirou-san, you didn't honestly think I was going to stay here once I'd won, did you?" 

Seishirou felt his blood run cold as he started to put the pieces together. He forced himself to look unconcerned. "You were certainly behaving as if you were going to." 

Subaru smiled pleasantly. "But Seishirou-san, like you, I'm a very good liar." 

Seishirou took this opportunity to turn the conversation back on the younger man. "So you aren't leaving?" 

Subaru glared, flustered. "That's not what I meant." 

"Then explain what you mean, Subaru-kun." 

Subaru stared at him for a second, as if steeling his nerves. "Let's set the record straight, shall we?" he asked. "You came to a sixteen year old boy with every intention of killing him, made him believe you loved him, even worse, made him fall in love with you. At which point you revealed to him that you didn't love him, and walked out of his life. After killing his twin sister." 

Seishirou shifted uncomfortably, but there was no point in denying it. "Yes. That's all true." 

"And yet, for some reason, when the same sixteen year old boy came back to you and declared he still loved you and wanted to make things right between the two of you, you believed him." 

Seishirou was starting to get very nervous. "Also true." 

"That really was stupid of you, Seishirou-san." Subaru continued to keep his face blank. "How could you possibly think I could still love you after what you did to me? You didn't just break my heart, you broke my soul, you destroyed every chance I ever had at being happy. It wasn't as if I could just move on, either. Every time I looked at someone, I saw your face. Every time someone spoke to me, I heard your voice. I don't love you, Seishirou-san, and that's because I'm not capable of if anymore." 

Seishirou's head was spinning from these statements. He wanted to get angry, but wasn't doing a very good job at it. "Then what the hell was all this?" he demanded. 

Subaru regarded him quietly. "This was my revenge, Seishirou-san. What else? If you could make me love you, and make me believe that you loved me, why shouldn't I have done it to you? A simple plan, maybe, but an effective one." He walked up to Seishirou, standing very close to him. "How many people do you think you've hurt over the course of your lifetime, Sakurazukamori? Hundreds? A thousand, maybe? I don't pretend to be more or less important than any of them. But nobody else has ever fought back against you before, because everyone else was afraid." 

He turned away. "I'm not afraid of you, Seishirou-san . . . and I decided it was high time somebody showed you what it was like to feel pain." 

Seishirou could only stare at him. 

There was nothing he could say. 

He watched as Subaru walked over to the door and pulled on his coat and shoes. Then he kicked his brain back into gear as Subaru started to leave, walking over to him and grabbing his arm. "It was all a lie?" 

Subaru looked up at him. "I did love you once, Seishirou-san. But not after you betrayed me. Not ever again. So yes, it was all a lie." 

Seishirou couldn't even think. "You cold, calculating, manipulative bastard," he said, staring at Subaru. 

Subaru shook his arm off. "I learned from the best, Seishirou-san." 

And he turned and walked out the door. 

**** 

_Okay, so it was short and left off in a terrible place. The more I here about it, the faster I'll get the next part out. I promise._


	11. Chapter Eleven

_Warnings: Um, enough angst to collapse Tokyo Tower._

Part Eleven 

Subaru managed a wan smile for Mika. She'd gotten to know him by now, and smiled brightly back. "Is Johnny expecting you?" 

"No," Subaru replied. "Is he busy?" 

Mika looked at her watch, then flipped through the appointment book. "Yes, but he should be done in fifteen minutes or so, if you want to wait. And then he has a free hour." 

"Thanks," Subaru said, and sat in one of the chairs. About fifteen minutes later, another man came down the stairs, nodded once at Mika, and left. Subaru noted with slight amusement that the man was a fairly well-known government official. 

"You can go on up, now," Mika said. "Just don't mind if Johnny's a bit . . . off." 

Subaru nodded; he'd seen Johnny after a job before. Then he silently walked up the stairs and knocked on Johnny's door. 

"Yeah, what?" Johnny called. 

"It's Subaru. Can I come in?" 

The door swung open and Johnny let him in, again in his vinyl pants and looking slightly less than with the real world. "Hi," he said, kind of vaguely. 

Subaru burst into tears. 

That sobered Johnny up pretty quickly. He blinked, then gently pushed Subaru over to the bed and made him sit down. "What's wrong?" 

"I . . . Seishirou-san . . . we were . . ." 

Johnny attempted to make his brain work, which was difficult in his present state of being. "Did you have an argument?" 

Subaru nodded, sniffling and rubbing his eyes. 

Johnny searched for something that would've upset Subaru this much. "Did he yell at you?" 

Subaru shook his head. 

_This is like twenty questions . . . I can play twenty questions. _"Did you yell at him?" This seemed exceedingly unlikely, but if they'd had an argument and Seishirou hadn't yelled, there weren't many options left. 

Subaru nodded again. 

Johnny blinked. "Why?" 

Subaru just looked at him, as if he himself wasn't quite sure of the answer. 

"Okay, don't look at me like that. You have to say something." 

"I left," Subaru finally managed. 

"That's obvious." 

"No, I mean permanently. Moved out. Gone." Subaru rubbed his eyes and then started crying again. 

"Well, why'd you do a stupid thing like that?" 

"Because I hate him . . ." Subaru mumbled. 

"You what?" Johnny was lost. "Is this one of those obnoxious love-hate things?" 

"I t-tried to stop loving him, I honestly did!" Subaru cried. "I hate him, look at what he did to me! But I . . ." 

"Okay, slow down and start from the beginning." 

Subaru managed to calm down and relay what had happened to Johnny. "And then I came straight here," he finally finished. 

"So what's your plan now?" Johnny asked. 

Subaru shrugged. "To go home . . ." 

"That's it? You're going to go home. You can't stop crying for five minutes, and you're going to go home and stew all by yourself. That has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Subaru, I know you're smarter than this." 

"Well, what would you suggest?" Subaru snapped. 

"Going back and telling Seishirou that you're an idiot?" Johnny said. 

"No," Subaru said flatly. 

"Why not?" 

"Because I hate him. I won't go back to him." 

"Do you feel better, now that you've had your revenge?" 

"Sort of. A little." 

"You don't, do you." 

"Not really," Subaru admitted. 

"And did it occur to you that this might have been a mistake?" 

"This whole damn thing was a mistake," Subaru snapped. 

"So even though you told Seishirou you don't love him, you still do?" Johnny wanted to be clear on this point. Subaru wasn't exactly being coherent. 

"Something like that." 

"Why did you come here?" Johnny checked his watch. 

Subaru shrugged. 

"Well, look, I've got an appointment in ten minutes, but I don't think you should go wandering off on your own, so come downstairs with me while I talk to Mika, then I'll take you back to my apartment." 

Subaru shrugged again. Johnny rolled his eyes, grabbed Subaru's arm, and hauled him down the stairs. "Mika?" 

"Yeah?" Mika looked up and blinked in concern at Subaru. "Is he okay?" 

"No. I've got to take the rest of tonight off." 

Mika looked in the book. "You've got two more appointments." 

"Reschedule, refund, something," Johnny said. "Give them to Liam if he's free. I don't know. But I have to do something with him." 

"Okay," Mika said doubtfully. 

Johnny nodded his thanks and hauled Subaru out the door. He loaded the Sumeragi into a taxi and took him back to the apartment, then pushed him up the stairs. "Have you eaten?" he asked. 

Subaru shrugged. 

"I don't want shrugs. I expect answers." 

"No." 

"No you won't answer, or no you haven't eaten?" 

"Pick one." 

"Probably both." Johnny pushed Subaru into a chair and went into the kitchen, then came back out later with a couple warmed-up TV dinners. He put one on the table in front of Subaru and gave him a fork. "Here. Eat." 

Subaru looked at it. 

"Don't waste my food." 

"If you don't want it wasted, you eat it." 

"So you plan to starve yourself to death." 

"I don't plan to do anything. I simply don't feel like eating." 

"Fine." Johnny wasn't about to argue. He ate his dinner and shoved the second back in the fridge for Liam. _Tomorrow he'll feel a little better and he'll be hungrier and he'll eat something. Not about to bother now. _"Why don't you take a nap?" he asked. 

Subaru shrugged. He seemed to have faded back into his state of total noncaring. 

Johnny got a blanket and a pillow and towed him over to the couch. "Sleep," he said firmly. 

Subaru lay down and obediently closed his eyes. 

_Maybe he'll be less stupid in the morning, _Johnny thought, and sat down with a book to wait. 

**** 

The only sound in Seishirou's apartment was the repeated dull thud as his head hit the wall. He was leaning against it, eyes closed, sunglasses long ago fallen to the floor, and every few seconds his head nodded forward and then back, producing a satisfying clunk and pain throughout his skull. 

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." 

He couldn't seem to stop saying that. He was pretty sure he'd been standing there doing the same thing for the past half hour at least. Then again, if Subaru had wallowed for two months, he was certainly allowed an few hours, wasn't he? 

Seeing as what had happened to Subaru was the exact same thing that had happened to him. Subaru had obviously been very careful to plan it that way. 

Seishirou couldn't even get angry. Not at Subaru, that is. He had deserved exactly what he had gotten. 

That was the maddening thing. Now that it had happened to him, he understood exactly what Subaru had gone through. He couldn't blame Subaru for wanting revenge. Especially not this revenge. He understood exactly why Subaru had done what'd done. 

That was probably Subaru's intention. 

He wished desperately for some way to banish the emotions, to stop feeling it. Subaru had hidden inside himself, but that was something Seishirou couldn't do. With no other earthly ties, no one to feed him and otherwise look after him, going Within wasn't an option. And now that Subaru had loosened the spell, he was subject to all emotions - and had only barely learned how to control them. 

Seishirou cursed under his breath. It was so perfect. The entire plan was so perfect. 

He would have sworn that Subaru loved him. 

Then again, Subaru probably would've sworn that Seishirou loved him, before Seishirou had revealed that he hadn't. 

_How did I do that to him? How could I? _

Seishirou let his head thud against the wall. 

_I didn't understand, Subaru-kun, _he thought desperately to no one. _I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't realize how much this would hurt you._

Subaru had made him understand. 

And now he was forced to live with that knowledge. 

And to live with the fact that he'd had Subaru within reach; they could have been happy, they could have been together, and he'd thrown it away. Not only had he thrown it away, he had tossed it back in Subaru's face as if it didn't mean anything. 

It meant everything. 

Seishirou simply hadn't realized it. 

Hadn't even been capable of realizing it. 

Thud. Thud. Thud. 

_It wasn't my fault, damn it! I didn't know! How could I have known?! _

And then that inner voice was back, that irritating monologue that always knew what was going on. _Shut up, Seishirou. You're making excuses for yourself. You've studied humanity. You knew how much it would hurt him, even if you'd never experienced pain yourself. Stop lying to yourself. You're only going to make things worse. Subaru doesn't love you, and I don't blame him. He's not coming back, so get over yourself._

The funny thing was, Seishirou reflected, in between clunks, was that he simply didn't know why he'd believed Subaru. He knew what he'd done to the Sumeragi. What the hell had possessed him to believe that Subaru still loved him? 

Subaru had been right about everything the entire time. 

He'd made the bet because he'd been hoping to lose, but the bet had also kept him from having any real relationship with Subaru. Only when the bet was over did they have any chance. Subaru had lost originally, true, but he'd never had a fair chance. And even if he had won, Seishirou doubted his pride would have let him admit it. 

_All right, you wanted to feel,_ Seishirou's inner voice snapped at him. _You got what you wanted. You've got your precious emotions back. And all it cost you was your dear little Subaru-kun._

Seishirou covered his face with both hands and let his head thud against the wall one last time as he came to the inevitable conclusion. 

He had believed Subaru, quite simply, because he had wanted to believe. 

**** 

Johnny nodded off in the chair with his book and woke up the next morning in his bed next to Liam, who had undoubtedly carried him there when he'd gotten home. He sat up blearily, rubbing his eyes. Liam blinked up at him and yawned. "Morning. What's with the kid on the couch?" 

"Hm? Oh, that's Subaru. He stayed here once before but you weren't here that night." Johnny stretched. 

"Why's he here?" 

Johnny had already explained the Subaru-Seishirou situation to Liam; so he gave the older man a brief summation of the latest events. "So he's staying here until I make sure he's not going to do anything stupid." Johnny examined this statement. "Let me rephrase: anything more stupid than what he's already done." 

Liam nodded. "You know he's not sleeping, right?" 

"He isn't?" 

"Nah. When I came in around one, he was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He didn't say anything, and I didn't ask." 

"Great." Johnny hauled himself out of bed and dressed, then headed out into the other room. Subaru was still lying on the couch, staring upwards. Shadows of dark circles were starting to appear under his eyes. "Did you sleep?" 

"No," Subaru answered. 

"Did you ever intend to sleep?" 

"No." 

"If I make you breakfast, will you eat it?" 

"No." 

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" 

"Too much effort." 

"Are you trying to let yourself die?" 

Subaru shrugged. 

"And what would your sister have to say about this? I'm sure it wouldn't be complimentary." 

Subaru flinched. "Hokuto would understand," he said stiffly, but thought of Kakyou, and his sister's reaction to that, and he knew that Hokuto wouldn't understand. 

"Sure," Johnny said, his voice conveying complete disbelief. And he walked into the kitchen and made himself breakfast like nothing was wrong. When he came back into the other room, Subaru was up. "Going somewhere?" 

"Home." 

Johnny gave him a long, level look. "Sit down." His voice wasn't sharp, but it didn't leave room for argument. 

"Why, so you can lecture me again? Leave me alone." Subaru started to push past him. 

Johnny caught him by the arm. "I'm done lecturing. Sit." 

"If you're not going to lecture me, why do I have to stay?" 

"It'll make me feel better." 

"Sure." Subaru pushed past him again and left the apartment. He went back to his own and slowly unpacked his things. Then he thudded down on the sofa and stared blankly at the wall until the phone rang. 

**** 

"Subaru?" When Johnny's knock had received no answer, he finally just pushed the door open and went inside. Subaru was sitting at the kitchen table, looking off into the distance. "Hi," Johnny said, and went in. "I brought you dinner, in case you want it." He figured two days without food would make Subaru hungry enough to eat. He put the bag down in front of Subaru. 

Subaru looked at it. 

Johnny studied him carefully. There were shadows under his eyes. Johnny doubted he had slept since the 'argument.' 

"I tried to call earlier," he continued. "No one picked up." 

"I was out," Subaru replied. His voice was barely audible. 

"Where?" 

"I had a job." 

Johnny couldn't help gaping. "You're working in this condition." 

"Yes." 

"Do me a favor, Subaru." 

Subaru glanced up at him. "What is it?" 

Johnny plopped into the chair next to him. "Don't make me lose another friend." 

Subaru stared at him for a long second. Then he silently reached for the food and began to eat slowly. 

"Thank you," Johnny said. "And I want you to stop working." 

"I can't." 

"Why not?" 

"My work is too important." 

"And if you get yourself killed, where does that leave me?" 

"I won't." 

"Why are you doing this?" 

Subaru blinked. "Which part?" 

"The whole mess. Leaving Seishirou, passive suicide, working when it's dangerous, generally making yourself miserable." 

Subaru shrugged. "I left Seishirou-san because there's no way I can be with him. Everything else is because I had to leave him." 

"Why can't you be with him?" Johnny settled in for what would hopefully be a logical discussion. 

"Because I hate him." Subaru gave Johnny an odd look. "We already covered this." 

"Do you love him?" 

Subaru hesitated. "Yes." 

"What makes you hurt more? Staying away and loving him from here, or being close to him and dealing with the hatred?" 

Subaru rubbed his forehead. "They hurt the same." 

Johnny kept remarkably calm. "Did you have any happy moments when you were with Seishirou?" 

"Yes," Subaru whispered. 

"Are you having any now?" 

Subaru wordlessly shook his head. 

"Do you think you'll have any in the future?" 

"What future?" Subaru asked dully. 

"Then go back to him." 

"No." 

"Why not? And don't just say you hate him. I proved that it was an invalid reason." 

Subaru shrugged and pushed the remainder of his food away. 

Johnny looked at him. "This isn't going to work, is it." 

"I'm sorry," Subaru whispered. "I don't mean to . . . to make you lose another friend. Without Seishirou, there's nothing for me. But when I'm near him, I'm always so . . . angry. I can't forgive him. Not for Hokuto. Not for me." 

"Let it go, then," Johnny said. "Accept the fact that you're angry and live with it. Be happy when you can." 

Subaru shook his head. "It's not that simple, Johnny. On the few occasions that I managed to let it go, that I managed . . . to be happy . . . I just hated myself more afterwards. Because I'm betraying Hokuto's memory with every second I spend with him." 

"So you're just going to let yourself die." 

Subaru shrugged. 

"Fine," Johnny said, and he turned and walked out the door. 

**** 

_Yeah... one more part, maybe two, and then an epilogue, and then it'll all be over ^_^ Feedback? Please?_


	12. Chapter Twelve

_Last one, people ^_^ I'll miss ya._

Part Ten

Johnny waited two days and went back again. Subaru hadn't even made it to the chair this time, he was lying on the floor just inside his apartment. "Subaru, you're an idiot," Johnny informed him, kneeling next to him. "Are you awake?" 

"Nnngh?" Subaru moaned, opening his eyes. 

"Wake up. When was the last time you ate?" 

Subaru shrugged. 

"Slept?" 

"Passed out yesterday night," Subaru mumbled. "Or was it the night before?" 

"Have you been working?" 

Subaru nodded. "This morning." 

Johnny got an arm around Subaru's shoulders and hauled him upwards. 

"Where are we going?" Subaru asked vaguely. 

"Out to dinner," Johnny lied. He hauled Subaru down the stairs and into a taxi, then quietly gave the driver Seishirou's address. By the time they got there, Subaru was only half-conscious. "C'mon." Johnny helped him out of the cab. 

"Where are we?" Subaru asked. 

"You'll see in a minute." Johnny took him inside and knocked on Seishirou's door. If Subaru was too dazed to recognize Seishirou's apartment building when he saw it, he was worse than Johnny had suspected. He knocked louder. 

The door finally opened and Seishirou blinked in surprise. He looked terrible; though the circles under his eyes were nowhere near as bad as Subaru's, he definitely hadn't been sleeping well. "What are you doing here?" he asked bluntly. 

"I told you to take care of him. You didn't," Johnny said sharply. 

Seishirou looked at Subaru, and his eyes softened with concern for a minute. "What's wrong with him?" 

"He hasn't eaten or slept since he left," Johnny said. "Do something about it." 

Seishirou raised an eyebrow. "And how am I supposed to do that?" 

"Find a way," Johnny told him. "Can we come in?" 

Seishirou hesitated, then stood back to let them in. Johnny carefully laid Subaru down on the couch. 

"Why hasn't he eaten or slept?" Seishirou asked. 

"He misses you," Johnny stated flatly. "But he has this stupid love/hate thing going on. He can't figure himself out and his solution is to die slowly." 

Seishirou blinked at this statement. "Subaru doesn't love me." 

"He was lying." 

"But why would he love me after what I did to him?" Seishirou's voice was confused. 

"Because love is blind." 

Seishirou laughed bitterly. "I understand that now. I understand a lot more than I used to. And even if Subaru does still love me, we can never be together. Not after what I did." 

That was it; Johnny lost his temper. He marched up to Seishirou and grabbed the older man by the front of the shirt, yanking him down so they were eye to eye. "I've heard enough bullshit from him in the past week. I don't - " He punctuated this with a hard shake - "want to hear any from you. One of the two of you has to act like an adult here, and right now, it's you. Do you understand?" He gave Seishirou another shake and waited for an answer without letting go. 

Seishirou stared at him in confusion. "Why are you doing this?" he finally asked. "You have to hate me as much as Subaru does." 

"You think I'm doing this for you?" Johnny asked. "Sorry, but no. You got exactly what you deserved, and if I thought Subaru would make it on his own I'd be staying the hell away from you. But he's miserable, and killing himself slowly, and I won't lose another friend because of you." 

Seishirou looked away. 

"Now please get off your ass and do something useful about Subaru." Johnny let go of his shirt. 

Seishirou finally regained his dignity. "And what would you suggest?" 

"Start by feeding him. Or taking him to a doctor if he's still half-conscious tomorrow. Then before he has a chance to run, make him realize that he's not betraying his sister by staying with you." 

"And if you couldn't do that, how do you suggest I do it?" 

"I don't know. If Subaru means anything to you, figure it out. Haul Hokuto back here to talk to him if you have to." 

Seishirou blinked. "I hadn't thought of that . . ." He thought back to the day he'd come back to Subaru doing the magic spell and started to curse. "That's what he was doing that day! He was talking to his sister!" 

Johnny didn't know what he meant, and he didn't care. "Then drag her back again. If anyone could talk sense into him, she could." 

Seishirou nodded thoughtfully. "I'll try." He caught Johnny's glare. "I promise. I'll take care of Subaru." 

"Good. I'll be back tomorrow." Johnny turned and walked out of the apartment. 

Seishirou blinked a few times, shaking his head. He was too dazed to even think, so he wandered into the kitchen and made some soup, then carried it out to Subaru. The younger man had fallen into a fitful doze, but he woke quickly enough when Seishirou pulled a chair next to the couch and sat. 

"I brought you some soup," Seishirou said, deciding to deal with the emotional part of the problem later, and for now focus on the fact that Subaru hadn't eaten in five days. "It's just broth and rice; it shouldn't upset your stomach." 

Subaru simply turned his face away. 

Seishirou put the soup down on the end table, then put his hand under the Sumeragi's chin, making Subaru face him. "Subaru-kun. You're going to eat the soup. You certainly can't expect me to let you die." 

Subaru shrugged away. "Why not?" His voice was bitter. Sandpaper. 

"To begin with, I love you," Seishirou said firmly. "Secondly, your complete refusal to eat must mean something, and you're not going to die before I find out what." 

Subaru glared up at him. "I'd think you're perfectly capable of figuring out what it means." 

"Of course I am. You're being passively suicidal, and it's ridiculous." 

"Shut up." 

"I will, if you eat the soup." 

Subaru gave him a venomous look, and took the soup. His hands were shaking, and his first spoonful resulted in more getting on his shirt than in his mouth. Subaru closed his eyes, trying to not look as embarrassed as he felt. His head was aching and dull. The world was foggy. 

"Let me." Seishirou's voice didn't allow argument. He took the bowl and spoon from Subaru's hands and aimed a spoonful of soup at his mouth. Subaru stared at him for a second, then obediently opened his mouth and let Seishirou feed him the soup. 

"Thank you," Seishirou said, sounding more satisfied than was good for him. He made sure Subaru ate the entire bowl, then put it down. "Now you should get some sleep." 

Subaru's eyes were dazed. Seishirou put a hand on his forehead suspiciously, and confirmed his thoughts; Subaru had a fever. "I can't believe you were working in this condition," he told the Sumeragi. 

Subaru shrugged. 

"Let me get you some tea," Seishirou said. He went into the kitchen and returned a minute later with a mug of tea and some aspirin, then gave both of them to Subaru. 

Subaru looked at them as if he wasn't sure what they were. 

"Take the medicine, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said firmly. 

Subaru grudgingly obeyed. Then he rubbed his eyes for a second and stood. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Seishirou moved to stand between him and the door. 

"Anywhere else," Subaru replied. 

"Is my company that offensive?" Seishirou asked, sounding amused. 

"Yes," Subaru snapped. 

"Sorry, but you're not going anywhere." Seishirou smiled. "I'm not risking what Johnny would do to me if he found out I'd let you walk out of here in your current state of mind and body." 

"Johnny can kill you for all I care," Subaru said, trying to push past him. 

"Hardly, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, though inwardly he wasn't sure. He certainly wasn't afraid of Johnny, but the thought of another verbal beating was a little more than he could bear right now. "You're staying here where I can keep an eye on you." 

"Make me." Subaru ducked under Seishirou's arms and headed for the door. 

Seishirou grabbed him from behind, pulling the Sumeragi close to him. "Fine." He swung Subaru around and half-tossed him back onto the couch. "You're not going anywhere." 

Subaru glared daggers at him and stood up again, prepared to try again. 

Seishirou took hold of Subaru's shoulders as Subaru attempted to push past him, and drew the younger man into a hug. 

Subaru let out a little gasp. Seishirou had him in a strong grip, and he was too weak and dazed to fight back. He gave up and let his face rest against Seishirou's shoulder. 

_I can have just this one moment, can't I?_ he thought vaguely. _I can let it go for just one moment . . . _

When he stopped struggling, Seishirou let him go, and they stood there facing each other for a minute. "Don't leave," Seishirou said. 

"Why not?" Subaru asked softly. 

Seishirou looked up with complete honesty. "Because I don't want to be alone." 

Subaru stared at him for a second. "Seishirou-san . . ." 

Seishirou saw it coming, and stepped forward quickly, catching Subaru as he passed out. 

**** 

Seishirou lay on his back on the floor, simply not having the energy to go to his room, and, quite frankly, not wanting to leave Subaru. He had no idea what was going on, and he figured that until he managed to sit Subaru down for a reasonable discussion, he wasn't going to figure it out. 

That was probably going to be a while. 

He had a basic grasp of it, though; Subaru had planned his entire revenge and managed to pull it off, but, still being in love with Seishirou, hadn't been able to deal with it afterwards. 

_Do I ever owe Johnny one,_ Seishirou thought vaguely, staring at his ceiling. _Subaru probably would've managed to kill himself if Johnny hadn't been there. _

He didn't know what to think. After Subaru had left, he had forced himself to accept the fact that it had all been a lie. Now it had been dumped in his lap that it wasn't. He was confused. 

Still, if he had learned anything in his twenty-five years on the planet, it was that when you were confused, you went to the experts. And there was only one person who had ever truly known what was going on between him and Subaru, even all the things neither of them had ever realized. 

It had taken Subaru at least five hours to summon his sister; Seishirou couldn't estimate more exactly than that. Seishirou knew he was a more skilled medium, but Subaru was tied more strongly to his sister than Seishirou was, and Seishirou wasn't in the best of shape. 

However, Subaru ought to sleep for a good nine hours or so, given his current condition. That would give Seishirou the time he needed. 

He hauled himself to his feet, then looked down at Subaru, curled into a ball with his misery. He leaned down and kissed the Sumeragi's forehead. _I'll fix this, Subaru-kun . . . don't worry. _

**** 

Hokuto looked up in irritation. "Come on, not now," she whined. "I'm not dressed for the occasion . . ." The tugging got more insistent. "Look," she said to the unseen force. "I'm trying to drag my boyfriend out of a coma here, do you mind?" 

Apparently whoever was on the other end of the 'jitsu did mind. The tugging increased. 

"Oh, fine!" Hokuto cried, exasperated. She looked down at Kakyou. "I'll be back," she said, and there was a threat in the tone. "And you'd better be awake by then." 

With that, she surrendered to the pull and let herself be dragged to the other end of the spell. She wasn't terribly surprised to find herself standing in the middle of Seishirou's living room. However, when she turned around and found Seishirou standing there rather than Subaru, she face-faulted to the floor. 

"Ohayo, Hokuto-chan," Seishirou said, looking out the window and seeing that the sun was rising. His voice was dull with exhaustion. He felt like he'd been run over by a truck, and reflected than the affectionate suffix probably wasn't appropriate anymore, but old habits die hard. 

Hokuto gaped like a fish for a second, then regained her composure. "SEI-CHAAAN!" she cried shrilly, and launched herself forward at the older man. Seishirou wasn't sure if she was trying to hug him, or trying to kill him. As it was, she went right through him and landed with a crash on the floor. Then she climbed to her feet, cursing. "I always forget that," she muttered. She dusted herself off, and her outfit rustled under her. "Well, Sei-chan?" she asked, turning imperiously to face him. "Isn't there something you should be saying to me?" 

"I've never been any good at apologies," he said, only sounding a little pathetic. He ran his hands through his hair. "But Hokuto-chan . . . I am sorry." 

"Not that, silly," she said. "I asked you to kill me, and anyway I already know you're sorry." She looked up her nose at him. When Seishirou still looked bewildered, she sighed in exasperation. "It's my birthday, Sei-chan." 

Seishirou blinked at her and realized that now that it was dawn, she was right. It was her birthday. "Happy birthday, Hokuto-chan," he said after a moment. Then the light dawned. "But wait, that means it's Subaru-kun's - " 

"You're really in for it," Hokuto nodded. 

"It's not my fault," he said defensively. "Don't you know what's been going on?" 

"Of course not," Hokuto said. "I've been trying to pry Kakyou out of his coma, and I was actually starting to make progress before I was interrupted. And I do have a life, you know." She examined the way that sounded. "Well, not quite, but there are other things to do on this side, you know." She brightened. "Some great stores. Like my outfit?" She did a quick pirouette. 

"It's very nice," Seishirou said gravely. "Almost as nice as your brother's improved fashion taste." 

Hokuto snickered. "But if you didn't want to wish me a happy non-birthday, since I suppose I don't have them anymore since I'm dead, and you didn't really seem to call me specifically to apologize for killing me, what did you want?" 

He paused. "I need your help with Subaru." 

Hokuto rolled her eyes. "What's he done now?" 

"Maybe you ought to bring me up to date on the last thing you knew." 

"Well," Hokuto said. "You two had finally managed to get over yourselves and do something useful, so I figured it was okay to leave for a while. It was about a week ago, I guess." 

Seishirou rubbed his forehead. "That figures." 

"Why, what happened?" Hokuto plopped onto the sofa and bounced upwards, and Seishirou watched in interest as she didn't bother to come down, but floated a few inches above the surface. Hokuto had obviously adapted fairly well to being dead. 

He related the story to her, keeping it as brief as possible, though he knew at certain parts he couldn't keep the pain out of his voice. 

Hokuto's face was priceless; a mix of shock, disgust, indignation, anger, and concern. Seishirou didn't think he'd ever seen so many emotions present on anyone's face at once. "He did what?!?" 

Seishirou held up his hand to silence her and finished explaining. When he was finally done, Hokuto just floated there sputtering for a minute. 

"That little . . . how could he . . . what did he think he was . . ." She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "I'm not related to him!" 

"Yes, you are," Seishirou said firmly. "You'd better still be. You're the only hope I have. Johnny's a stubborn little bastard, and if he can't talk sense into Subaru, and I know I can't, you're the only person who's got a chance." 

"Oh, you'd better bet I will!" Hokuto looked furious. "I told that little pipsqueak that it didn't matter what happened to me, as long as he was happy. What the hell did he think I got killed for, so he could wallow in misery? Betraying my memory is right!" 

Seishirou managed a wan smile. "Why did you ask me to kill you?" He looked at her seriously for a minute. "Because I wouldn't have, if you hadn't. You know that, right?" 

"Of course I do," Hokuto said. "I had my reasons, Sei-chan. I didn't want Subaru to end up in that smelly old Tree of yours. And I didn't know if you were planning on killing him or not, but it was a chance I couldn't take." 

Seishirou looked at the floor. "I was," he said. "Planning on it, I mean." Then he shrugged. "But I don't think I would've been able to do it." 

"So I suspected," Hokuto said with a smirk. 

Seishirou shook his head ruefully. "You knew it all from the beginning, didn't you." 

"Of course I did," Hokuto said, grinning brilliantly. "Really, though, Sei-chan, was all this necessary? You didn't have to do that to him." 

Seishirou looked up at her. "I didn't know." 

She regarded him seriously for a second. "You know what? I believe you." 

"Thank you, Hokuto-chan." Seishirou felt a weight go rolling off his shoulders that he hadn't even realized was there. "I don't think I realized how much that would mean to me." 

"I'm a damn sight more forgiving than my brother, that's for sure," Hokuto grumbled. "Now where is the little guttersnipe so I can talk some sense into him, or beat it into him if necessary?" 

"Asleep in my room," Seishirou said. "I took him in there so I could do this undisturbed." 

"Fine." Hokuto began to flounce out of the room, then turned. "You'd better come with me to wake him. I don't want him thinking he's died and in Heaven or anything stupid like that." 

Seishirou nodded and followed her out of the room. Subaru was curled up on his bed with the blankets tucked up to his chin. Hokuto nodded approvingly and waited while Seishirou shook Subaru gently. 

"Nnnngh," Subaru moaned. "Sleep . . ." 

"Sorry, Subaru-kun. You have to wake up." 

"Why?" Subaru asked blearily, rubbing his eyes. 

"Someone's here to see you." 

"Don't wanna." Subaru buried his face in the pillow. 

"Yes you do." Seishirou peeled the blankets back. "Now sit up." 

Subaru reluctantly sat up and saw his sister. "H-H-Hokuto-chan!" he stammered. The look on his face clearly read that he knew he was in for it. "How did you . . .?" 

"I brought her here," Seishirou said. "Now, if nobody minds, I'm going to go take a nap." 

Hokuto nodded and shooed him out of the room. "Go on, you look terrible." 

"Thank you, Hokuto-chan." 

"You're welcome. I'll take care of this." 

Subaru looked nervous. 

"Happy birthday, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said, and left the room. 

Hokuto turned and looked at her brother imperiously. "What do you think you're doing?" 

Subaru shrugged, pulling his knees up to his chest and trying to look small. 

"Don't you ignore me!" Hokuto said sternly. "I swear, if I keep having to come back from the dead to look after you, I'll . . . I don't know! But I'd certainly think that after what I said about Kakyou, you'd know better than to try suicide!" 

"That's why I didn't," Subaru said weakly. 

"Oh, don't give me that!" Hokuto said, thudding down onto the bed next to him. "Letting yourself die is no better than actively trying to get yourself killed. End of story. Why are you doing this?" 

Subaru shrugged again. "Without Seishirou . . . there's nothing." 

"And why do you have to be without Seishirou, hm?" Hokuto glared at him. 

"Not you too," Subaru groaned. 

"Subaru, did it ever occur to you that if everyone is telling you that you're being an idiot, maybe it's because you are?!" 

Subaru blinked. "How can you, of all people, expect me to stay with Seishirou-san?" 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you're desperately in love with each other?" Hokuto asked. 

"It doesn't matter," Subaru snapped. "You've always been like this; you treat love like it's one big fix-all, cure-all that will solve all the world's problems. I know I love Seishirou-san, and I know he loves me, but that doesn't change anything. Love doesn't get you anywhere; if it did, Kakyou would've come out of his coma by now." 

Hokuto went still. 

Subaru's eyes went wide. "G-Gomen," he stuttered. "I didn't mean . . . I shouldn't have . . ." 

"I've been sitting with him for days now," Hokuto said softly. "But he won't wake up. No matter how much I call to him, he won't wake up." 

Subaru hid his face with his hands. 

"Subaru, I know love doesn't fix everything," Hokuto said. "But it does more than you give it credit for. Do you truly love Seishirou-san?" 

Subaru nodded. 

"Then why can't you forgive him?" 

"I don't know," Subaru asked, tears rolling down his cheeks, past all his efforts to stop them. "But whenever I start to . . . whenever I forget, and I feel happy, and it's just Seishirou-san and me . . . afterwards I always feel guilty." 

"That's very silly of you, Subaru-chan," Hokuto said firmly. "There's no reason why you and Sei-chan shouldn't be together." 

"He killed you," Subaru said flatly. 

"Because I asked him to," Hokuto said. "He wouldn't have if I hadn't. He told me that, and I believe him." 

"You're the one who said it's what he did to me that matters," Subaru said dully. "How can I forgive him for that?" 

"Subaru . . ." Hokuto was silent for a long second. "Sei-chan said that you said he destroyed your chance at ever being happy." 

Subaru nodded silently. 

"You could be happy with him if you could let this go." Hokuto considered. "It's a circle, see? Like some weird math equation. You can't forgive him because you'll never be happy because of what he did, but if you could forgive him, then you would be happy, therefore as long as you can forgive him, there's nothing to forgive him for." 

Subaru blinked, trying to follow this twisted logic. "Hokuto-chan, that makes no sense." 

"Sure it does. You just don't want it to, because you know I'm right." 

Subaru looked down. "I can't help what I feel, Hokuto-chan." 

"But you got your revenge. Trust me, Sei-chan feels pretty lousy. You really had him believing you for a while. I don't think he's been sleeping much either; he looks wiped out. So why not leave it at that?" 

Subaru said nothing. 

"Now that he knows you were lying, he's not going to let this go," Hokuto said. "And that was a sneaky move of you, freeing his emotions and then pulling this off. But if Seishirou loves you, and I know he does . . . why can't you just go back?" 

Subaru shrugged. 

"Let me rephrase," Hokuto said. "If you don't go back, I'll boot you in the head until you agree." 

"Thanks, Hokuto-chan," Subaru said. 

"If you wanted revenge, you've gotten it," Hokuto said. "Now let it go, Subaru-chan. For all our sakes." 

"It's wrong." Subaru rubbed the tears off his cheeks. 

"But you said it yourself, you can't control what you feel. If you love Seishirou, that's not your fault. No one's blaming you for that, except yourself." She looked over at him. "But everyone's blaming you for not going back." 

"I know," Subaru said. 

"Talk to Sei-chan, okay?" 

"All right." 

Hokuto bounced off the bed. "'KAY! Thanks, Subaru-chan." With that, she skipped out of the room. 

Seishirou came in a minute later with some breakfast and a mug of tea. "How are you feeling, Subaru-kun?" 

"Better," Subaru replied. He accepted the tea, but didn't touch the food, and flinched away as Seishirou put a hand on his forehead. 

"Your fever's gone down," Seishirou said with a nod. 

Subaru nodded and paused thoughtfully. "Is my sister still here?" 

"Yes. She said she was going to wait and make sure you didn't start being stupid again. Her words, not mine." 

"But you agree," Subaru said. 

Seishirou shrugged. "You're no more an idiot than I am." 

Subaru looked at him. "How so?" 

Seishirou raised an eyebrow. "I had a beautiful, intelligent, caring person in love with me, and I threw that away like it was meaningless. Would you call that a smart move, Subaru-kun?" 

Subaru blushed and looked into his tea mug. "I-I suppose not." 

"Then I think we're on the same level," Seishirou said with a nod. "We've both made some mistakes." 

Subaru nodded silently. 

"Can we start over, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked quietly. 

"I don't know." Subaru sipped his tea. "I don't think so. Things are never going to be the way they were, Seishirou-san. We've both changed too much." 

Seishirou considered this. 

"My sister thinks that love fixes everything." Subaru's voice was bitter again. "There are some things she'll never understand." 

"Your sister," Seishirou said slowly, "has always known what was going on between us, long before either of us was aware of it." 

"Yeah," Subaru said, eyes shining with tears. "She did, didn't she." 

"Then maybe you should trust her," Seishirou said, reasonably enough. 

"It's not that simple." Subaru shook his head and spread his hands out before him. "Let's be honest, okay? All the cards on the table. Because I don't know about you, but I'm sick of all the lying and never knowing what's going on." 

Seishirou nodded. 

"I love you," Subaru said. "I was lying earlier, because I wanted you to see how I had felt when you did the same thing to me. Because I can't forgive you. In those two months that I didn't see you, I was trying my damndest to forget about you and move on. But I couldn't. I don't know if it's Fate or opposites or what, but I couldn't stop loving you. And so I got angry." Subaru closed his eyes. "I was furious with you. I thought maybe you had put some sort of spell on me or something, to make me unable to fall out of love with you. So I decided I had to have some sort of revenge before I lost my mind." 

Seishirou nodded slowly. "I never enspelled you. You know that, right?" 

"I know," Subaru said. "I'm not sure I ever really thought that. I was just angry. I couldn't think of any sort of revenge that would be appropriate, except to reflect it back onto you. To show you exactly how I had felt." Subaru laughed bitterly. "Except first I had to make you fall in love with me. And that was my big mistake. Because once I had that, I couldn't let it go. I couldn't lose that chance. And at the same time, I didn't have one, because I still couldn't forgive you." 

Seishirou sipped his own tea slowly, turning all this over in his mind. 

"That's my part." Subaru folded his hands in his lap and stared at them. 

Seishirou sat down on the bed next to him. "Subaru, I don't pretend to make excuses for myself. When I did what I did, I knew it would hurt you. And as you said, nobody had ever made me feel pain." He paused. "In a way, I'm almost glad for what you did. Because you made me realize how much I had hurt you." Seishirou pushed both his hands through his hair. "And even if you forgive me, I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself." 

Subaru stared at him. 

He'd gotten what he wanted. 

And somehow, didn't feel triumphant in the slightest. 

"No," he finally said, knowing he meant the words, even though he didn't know where they were coming from. "That's not . . . what I wanted." 

Seishirou looked at him questioningly. "What did you want?" 

Subaru studied the blankets and forced himself to find the truth and speak it out loud. "I wanted you," he finally said. "That was all I ever wanted. I wanted you to love me." He remembered one of the very first things he had said. "I didn't want . . . to be lonely. And I didn't want you to be lonely either." 

"I thought you'd been lying when you'd said that," Seishirou said quietly. 

"I thought I was too," Subaru whispered. 

There was a long moment of silence. 

"What do you want?" Subaru finally asked. "What did you want?" 

Seishirou shrugged. "At first, I was keeping myself amused. And you were right, you know, about how I wanted to feel. Even if I hadn't admitted it to anyone, least of all myself. And now I have emotions, and while I'm certainly not very experienced with them, I know enough to know that I don't want you to leave me." He managed a wan smile. "I can't get by without you anymore than you can without me. I just took longer to realize it." 

Subaru looked at him for a long second. "I'm sorry, Seishirou-san . . . for what I did." 

"You don't owe me any apologies, Subaru-kun," Seishirou said firmly. "I'm the one who should be apologizing." 

"You already did," Subaru said. 

"I know." Seishirou shrugged. "It just doesn't seem like it's enough." 

"I suppose it'll have to do." 

"If we can't start over, can we at least go back to the way things were a week ago?" Seishirou asked. 

Subaru looked up and managed a smile. "I think we can manage that much. What are you going to do about . . . the Tree?" 

"The Tree and I," Seishirou said slowly, "have struck up a deal. I will continue to feed it if it lets me choose the . . ." He searched for a word. All he could think of was 'victims,' which he didn't think would please Subaru very much. 

"The people," Subaru interrupted quickly. 

Seishirou nodded slightly and gave Subaru a brief smile. "Which means that I'll have to work more, but I won't kill anyone . . . who doesn't deserve it." 

Subaru considered this for a long moment, then nodded. "All right." 

Seishirou regarded him carefully. "Do you forgive me, Subaru-kun?" 

"No," Subaru replied. "Not quite yet. But I think . . . that I can." 

**** 

_Author's Note: Boy, did Subaru ever go into that kicking and screaming. Seishirou wasn't much better. ::wilts:: Now that I've managed to get the two of them to be reasonable, we're going to give them some privacy, and I'm going to do something else with my life. _

Hokuto listened in at the door until she was assured that her brother wasn't going to be an idiot, and things were going to go all right. Then she went out into the kitchen and waited to see if they would need her for anything else. 

There was a knock on the door, and Hokuto made a face of frustration. Incorporeal as she was, she couldn't open the door. It was strange the way matter came and went as needed; she could sit on a sofa, but not hug her brother. A pain in the ass, if you asked her. 

After another knock, the door opened and Johnny walked in. Johnny was very good at hiding shock, and after a few seconds of blinking, he said, "This is unexpected." 

Hokuto wondered briefly why Johnny could see her, but since he was an empath, and he'd known her, and she was held in place by a spell . . . she supposed it wasn't too unlikely. She shrugged; magic had never been her forte anyway. "Ohayo, Johnny-chan!" The affectionate suffix had always sounded bizarre after the American name, but Hokuto had stubbornly persisted on using it anyway. She bounced over to Johnny and wrapped her arms around the space he was inhabiting. 

Johnny suppressed a flinch. "That feels strange." 

"Sorry." Hokuto backed off. Johnny had never liked being touched to begin with; she assumed that dead people weren't really what he needed. 

"Why are you here?" 

"Sei-chan called me back to whap some sense into my brother," Hokuto said with a grin. 

"I told Subaru that you wouldn't approve," Johnny said with a nod. "It was my suggestion, though I'll admit I was flustered at the time and I didn't really expect Seishirou would take me seriously." 

Hokuto shrugged. "Well, he did, and I talked some sense into Subaru, so everything's okay now." 

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "Really?" 

Hokuto grinned and nodded. "I was eavesdropping. Just before I left, it got very, suspiciously quiet . . ." 

Johnny grinned back. "Good." He looked at her curiously. "You're fading out, though." 

"Sei-chan isn't holding the spell anymore," she said with a nod. "He apparently has other, more important things to be focusing on." 

"Will I see you again?" Johnny asked. 

"Oh, I'm always around," Hokuto said with a nod. "Maybe you can help Subaru talk some sense into Kakyou . . ." 

Johnny nodded. "Sure." 

"Jaa ne, Johnny-chan!" Hokuto exclaimed cheerfully, just before she faded out. 

Johnny shook his head and walked down to Seishirou's bedroom. A few seconds with his ear pressed against the door confirmed that he wasn't needed, so he left a quick note for Subaru. "Glad you stopped being an idiot." And with that, he left the apartment. 

**** 

Epilogue

_Author's Note: Nobody is allowed to kill me for this last part. _

"Are you sure about this?" Seishirou asked skeptically. 

Subaru nodded silently. "I've been talking to him . . . and Hokuto-chan . . . she'll kick him in the head, but then she'll forgive him and accept it, because she loves him. And he loves her, but they can't be together. I won't let two people who love each other be kept apart like this. It's not right." 

"If you say so," Seishirou said. "But Hokuto is going to kick you in the head too, you know." 

"Yes, but I got used to that a long time ago." Subaru smiled crookedly and began to unplug the machinery from the wall. He had already put wards on the door so nobody could come in. "I'm just hoping I don't get arrested." 

Seishirou shrugged. "I wouldn't worry too much." 

Subaru pulled the last plug out, and the respirator that had been keeping Kakyou breathing shut off. Kakyou kept breathing on his own for a minute. 

"Think he'll pull through?" Seishirou asked. 

Subaru just shook his head. 

Kakyou's eyes opened a little, and he looked at Subaru. He was surprised for a second, then he nodded slightly and whispered, "Thank you . . ." 

Subaru could barely see him through tears that blinded him. He took Kakyou's hand and said, "I understand now . . ." 

Kakyou's eyes closed. His chest rose and fell once more, then stopped, a smile lingering on his face. 

Subaru turned away and wiped his eyes. "He's happy now." 

"Your sister's going to have your head on a pike," Seishirou said, trying to lighten the mood a little. 

Subaru managed a wan smile. "That's her right. But she can hardly blame me." 

"I know." Seishirou wiped the tears off Subaru's cheeks and extended his hand. "Come on, Subaru-kun. Let's go home." 

"Home," Subaru whispered, and he accepted Seishirou's hand. 

Finis 

_And that's it. Please let me know what you thought of this fic. And if you liked it, it's up in the CLAMP Fanfiction Awards. ::shameless plug:: Hope you enjoyed it; it's been fun! _


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